DH leaving us for one day on hol AIBU

You’re being really silly. If this was a DH telling his wife she couldn’t go to meet a friend for a day because be didn’t want to solo parent a 4yo, he’d be told to stop being so controlling.

It’s ONE day. You’ll be fine.

If it’s 10 hours of travelling, the friend is really not in the ‘same area’, is he? It’s like driving from London to Newcastle upon Tyne and back and no one would do that for a day!

Why is your husband so obsessed with this friend of very short standing? It’s excessive and would make me a bit suspicious.

Take him away from his child? He’s a lifetime of being a parent, we can all take a day away from our child and the other parent just cares for fhem. No one needs to be constantly with their child. The child will be fine. Guaranteed. And loving the trying to make it worse, oh he might stay over night too 😂

I do think that it's pretty shit of him to arrange a meet-up that will take him away from his child for at least one very long day. I wouldn't be surprised if he travelled there and then decided that 10 hours travelling in a single day was too tiring and didn't give him enough time to see his friend so he stayed overnight making it actually two days away from his family on a pretty short holiday.

L, randomly is travelling around the same area whilst we are there.

A 10 hour round trip is hardly "the same area".

are you sure your DH isn't pulling a fast one? What is the likelihood of this L character being in the same area as you precisely when you're going to be there on a 1 week break?

I am very laid back about what my DH does and for how long but that’d piss me off. We’ve actually been in a similar situation- where us and our at the time 3yr old were in a country my DH’s were (about 2 hr drive away). We made it clear we aren’t up and driving with a small child (politely) so the 2 adults made the trip. It’s common sense .

Meanwhile in the real world. One day out of six of a family holiday. No I wouldn't be best pleased either. And, no, I wouldn't want to be "rewarded" by a spa day. I want to be with my family on a family holiday.

I would have been interested to see the comments if it was the other way around and a wife or girlfriend wanted to leave her family holiday for a day to drive to the other end of the country to meet an old acquaintance. I think some of the responses on here would be very different.

So what? What has that got to do with OP being annoyed that her partner wants to bugger off for a 6th of their holiday?

Alternatively you could say "you’re being totally reasonable- loads of parents have nannies that look after their 4 year olds so why should you have look after yours?" - also true but equally pointless

It’s only one day, don’t be so controlling.

It really is ridiculous, isn’t it.

Would anyone do a 10 hour round day trip within their own country to meet up with someone they’d met on holiday and then a couple of times since? Would they even do a 10 hour round day trip to meet up with an old friend or relative? (I don’t mean if they were seriously ill or suchlike). Would anyone’s friends or relatives think that was remotely a sane idea?

This would make more sense than taking time out of your holiday to do 10 hours travelling for a few hours. Don't make much sense.
He will be exhausted by the time it comes to travelling back. Probably will want an early night the day before, and too tired to do much the next day either. That's if he doesn't day he has had too much to drink or too tired to travel back that night.

For a long lost old best mate he was inseparable from in the past, it may make more sense to want to go through this massive effort, but for someone he has met twice it seems bizarre.

He's the 1 with the young child, if they are as desperate to see him as he seems to be them, why don't they do the travelling so you can all meet. They probably wouldn't want to take time out of their holiday like that though. A few hours when he arrives ain't taking much out of their time together

😆😆 I also wouldn’t travel 10 hours to meet anyone except family or a very close friend. Giddy up OPs husband I guess.

Tit for tat really isn't the answer when the OP actually wants them to be together not apart.

Agreed - we went to Egypt and did a Nile Cruise and then Red Sea and decided the trip to Cairo at a similar length travel was too much

becuase realistically they aren’t actually in the same area at all.

he will be gone for a huge chunk of time in a weeks holiday it is ridiculous and you certainly shouldn’t be dragging a child into this

And I will repeat, wanting to have a bit of time to do your own thing on holiday is fine, meeting up with a friend in the local vicinity is fine and all totally normal. The trip that the OP's husband is ridiculous.

Why are you acting like going on a family holiday is such an arduous experience for a man that he simply must have a day off from it? Poor thing, how horrible for him to have a wife that wants to spend time with him and their daughter together having fun.

No what is insane is him planning a 10 hour round trip to go for a drink in the middle of a family holiday. She's not the controlling one, he is for sulking when he doesn't get his own way and for making her feel bad when he is the one changing the plans that they had already made together.

You cannot be serious?!

She will get exactly what she wants 6 days out of 7. Perhaps her DH can have a day to do something he might like to do?

This feels far more likely than him planning to slip off for a cowboy themed threesome.

This is genuinely insane OP. Cant you cope with your 4yr old for one day? It is selfish of you. When he’s back your husband can have your child for the day and you do something you want to do. It sounds suffocating that you always want to be with him 24/7 and are being so controlling about this.

You sound like me when I’m in a hormonal rage 😂

It’s one day; stop catastrophising. I don’t understand why you can’t go sightseeing without your DH? Spending a day alone with your child shouldn’t be such an awful thing. Does he normally let you tell him what he can and can’t do?

My advice would be to park the conversation for a few days. It sounds like you’re too emotionally invested in it at the moment and are too focused on “winning” this when you can’t win either way. Either he goes and you’re mad, or he stays and you’re anxious.

The OP has already said she didn't particularly want to have a day to herself, she wanted to spend time with both her DH & her DD on the expensive family holiday that she's been looking forward to. Why does her DH's last minute plan get to trump what they had already agreed as a couple to do?

Surely his friend must be more than just an acquaintance if he's willing to travel for 10 hours to see him?

Personally don't see it as that big a deal, surely there are kids clubs etc. if you need a break and you could make him look after DD the following day so you can relax.

It's not perfect, but sure there is some compromise otherwise it sounds like everyone is going to be unhappy and potentially spoil the whole holiday.

Thank you, it’s late, I didn’t understand what you meant. I do now. If this does go off I hope that op gets a day to do something lovely for herself too.
a week holiday isn’t really very long in the scheme of things, I think he’s mad to travel all that way without involving his family and a half way meet-up

You are nuts.