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AIBU?

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DH leaving us for one day on hol AIBU

417 replies

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 19:46

Me, my DH and my 4yo DD are due to fly to a European coastal resort this weekend for a week. This is a much needed holiday, I'm knackered from a long stint at work with little break. We've paid a bit more than usual as well. Not sure if that's even relevant but adds to my feelings of this is a special holiday.

Anyway, an American guy 'L' we met travelling a few years back, my husband stayed in touch with him and they've met up in the UK twice since then in the last couple of years. L, randomly is travelling around the same area whilst we are there. Today, my husband has said he wants to leave me and our DD for a whole day of the holiday to meet with his friend (+ partner who he is travelling with) this would involve a lot of travel time. He wants to do it as he may not see him again for who knows how long.

I've said no, we only have one week, if he goes off for a whole day, that leaves me solo parenting and cuts into any potential sight seeing plans we may have otherwise done.

I think my DH is being unreasonable and selfish, he thinks I am. I now feel like even if I insist no, he'd obviously rather be elsewhere and time spent with me and DD is enforced and therefore no fun for anyone anyway. I am really cross.

OP posts:
shhblackbag · 30/09/2025 20:34

DeQuin · 30/09/2025 20:20

Whatever you think of L, DH wants to see him enough to travel 10 hours. I have friends in far flung places and can and do contort my life occasionally if it means we can see each other. I think you are pissed off with your DH about other stuff TBH.

Same. Is there something else going on?

To me, L is an acquaintance and not someone I would sacrifice a whole day of my holiday for.

Your husband feels differently and clearly sees him as a friend. I think you're unreasonable on this.

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:33

Oneeyedonkey · 30/09/2025 20:28

A holiday with you, sounds hard work.

Yes it usually is 🎉

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 30/09/2025 20:32

DontbesorrybeGiles · 30/09/2025 20:26

I’m getting Brokeback Mountain vibes here.

Why?

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 30/09/2025 20:31

Honestly @Clareat2021 it is 1 day. Your dh isn't expecting you to do anything in tterms of travelling so im not sure i see the issue really, just swap your itinerary round so the day is a beach/pool day for you and your dc and then do the sightseeing stuff another day.

You are very much me...me...me in your posts, it's very much about you and your holiday, but it is your dh's holiday too and you both should be able to do things you want to do.

I get having it sprung on you is a bit irritating but you are massively overreacting.

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:31

BeautifulRisk · 30/09/2025 20:23

Are there issues in your marriage? Do you resent your husband for the division of labour at home? It feels like this could be about more than this one day of the holiday.

Generally our marriage is solid, we compromise mostly and support each other to do our own things.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 30/09/2025 20:31

NoSoupForU · 30/09/2025 20:27

You know what, I think if my husband wanted to leave our already short holiday to travel to the other side of the country in favour of spending time with a very loose acquaintance I'd feel really disappointed.

I'm a big girl and can entertain myself. My husband and I have plenty of trips away without one another. But our joint holidays are to spend time together.

If they were actually in the same place then fair enough, but a 10hr round trip (plus the time spent actually seeing said acquaintance) isn't in the same place at all.

This ^ would be my feeling too.

OP, this trip looks for me like anything is better then staying with wife and child for a day, even if it’s a 10 hours round trip.

BuckChuckets · 30/09/2025 20:29

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:26

This is where MN gets wild.

It does seem pretty odd though, doesn't it?

Oneeyedonkey · 30/09/2025 20:28

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:25

Thanks that's helpful.

A holiday with you, sounds hard work.

AliceMaforethought · 30/09/2025 20:28

I'd be livid, OP, and I'm not one who automatically sides with wives who feel hard done by (the numerous 'men and hobby' threads we see on here, I often side with the men!) This is nonsense, though. Ten hours round trip for an aquaintance? I'd be absolutely putting my foot down NO.

snemrose · 30/09/2025 20:27

I was all for saying yabu but a 10 hour round trip on a family holiday? Nope.

NoSoupForU · 30/09/2025 20:27

You know what, I think if my husband wanted to leave our already short holiday to travel to the other side of the country in favour of spending time with a very loose acquaintance I'd feel really disappointed.

I'm a big girl and can entertain myself. My husband and I have plenty of trips away without one another. But our joint holidays are to spend time together.

If they were actually in the same place then fair enough, but a 10hr round trip (plus the time spent actually seeing said acquaintance) isn't in the same place at all.

DontbesorrybeGiles · 30/09/2025 20:26

I’m getting Brokeback Mountain vibes here.

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:26

Screamingabdabz · 30/09/2025 20:23

You say ‘casual acquaintance’, I’m thinking Brokeback Mountain sort of situation!

How many blokes go to these sorts of lengths to ditch their family and meet up with some random they met on holiday????

This is where MN gets wild.

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 30/09/2025 20:26

CharlieKirkRIP · 30/09/2025 20:18

Imagine the resentment he will feel at not meeting his friends because you’ve thrown a strop?

Small tufts over time turn into deep ravines.

It’s just one day!

Imagine the resentment of him disappearing from their holiday.

I can’t believe people are saying OP has to let him to keep him happy. Him going is equally bad in the OP’s mind.

The solution is easy. The other couple can come and visit you all. If they don’t feel it’s worth making the journey, then it isn’t worth him making the journey. If they don’t have a child to worry about then the travel shouldn’t be a problem to them.

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:25

Oneeyedonkey · 30/09/2025 20:24

Stop trying to enforce family fun.

Thanks that's helpful.

OP posts:
Oneeyedonkey · 30/09/2025 20:24

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:19

Saying no, makes me feel like enforcing family time isn't fun when someone else doesn't want that, who enjoys feeling as if they have made their partner spend time with them?

Stop trying to enforce family fun.

Screamingabdabz · 30/09/2025 20:23

You say ‘casual acquaintance’, I’m thinking Brokeback Mountain sort of situation!

How many blokes go to these sorts of lengths to ditch their family and meet up with some random they met on holiday????

BeautifulRisk · 30/09/2025 20:23

Are there issues in your marriage? Do you resent your husband for the division of labour at home? It feels like this could be about more than this one day of the holiday.

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:23

CharlieKirkRIP · 30/09/2025 20:18

Imagine the resentment he will feel at not meeting his friends because you’ve thrown a strop?

Small tufts over time turn into deep ravines.

It’s just one day!

It's not just me though is it, it's our DD as well. I see your point but I'd have less issue with him going to America or flying off to meet him somewhere another time, not a 500 mile round trip on a planned family holiday.

I wondered if by posting I could be persuaded to change my view but I know I can't rightly or wrongly. I just totally don't agree with it

OP posts:
Dartmoorcheffy · 30/09/2025 20:22

I was about to say you were being unreasonable but 10 hours travelling is absolutely ridiculous. Cant the friends come over to you and stay in a nearby hotel or air bnb for a night.

BuckChuckets · 30/09/2025 20:21

I agree that L should come to your H, not the other way round. Is your H more bothered about seeing L than L is about seeing your H?

I'm not sure why people think you're BU, I'd also get fuming at him for taking a big chunk out of your holiday. Is he secretly in love with L, or L's partner, or both? 😂

DeQuin · 30/09/2025 20:20

Whatever you think of L, DH wants to see him enough to travel 10 hours. I have friends in far flung places and can and do contort my life occasionally if it means we can see each other. I think you are pissed off with your DH about other stuff TBH.

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:19

Merryoldgoat · 30/09/2025 20:11

The amount of travelling is bonkers but the fact of it wouldn’t bother me really. I feel like there are bigger issues that you’re annoyed about.

Saying no, makes me feel like enforcing family time isn't fun when someone else doesn't want that, who enjoys feeling as if they have made their partner spend time with them?

OP posts:
CharlieKirkRIP · 30/09/2025 20:18

Imagine the resentment he will feel at not meeting his friends because you’ve thrown a strop?

Small tufts over time turn into deep ravines.

It’s just one day!

FeelinTwentySixPointTwo · 30/09/2025 20:15

Like pps have said - it's only a day. I'd quite like this tbh; spend the day with my DD doing whatever we fancy. I think you're being very U and a tad dramatic.

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