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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH leaving us for one day on hol AIBU

417 replies

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 19:46

Me, my DH and my 4yo DD are due to fly to a European coastal resort this weekend for a week. This is a much needed holiday, I'm knackered from a long stint at work with little break. We've paid a bit more than usual as well. Not sure if that's even relevant but adds to my feelings of this is a special holiday.

Anyway, an American guy 'L' we met travelling a few years back, my husband stayed in touch with him and they've met up in the UK twice since then in the last couple of years. L, randomly is travelling around the same area whilst we are there. Today, my husband has said he wants to leave me and our DD for a whole day of the holiday to meet with his friend (+ partner who he is travelling with) this would involve a lot of travel time. He wants to do it as he may not see him again for who knows how long.

I've said no, we only have one week, if he goes off for a whole day, that leaves me solo parenting and cuts into any potential sight seeing plans we may have otherwise done.

I think my DH is being unreasonable and selfish, he thinks I am. I now feel like even if I insist no, he'd obviously rather be elsewhere and time spent with me and DD is enforced and therefore no fun for anyone anyway. I am really cross.

OP posts:
Franpie · 30/09/2025 20:46

It wouldn’t bother me. In fact my DH is a cycling fanatic and always has a day or 2 where he rents a bike and goes off for the day when we’re on holiday. I’ve always liked having the day just me and my kids, lounging by the pool or the beach whilst he’s off exploring, especially as I work full time so relaxed hanging with the kids doesnt happen as much as I’d have liked at home.

BuckChuckets · 30/09/2025 20:45

@Clareat2021 many of us have said why can't L come to where your holiday is instead - can you answer that? Have you suggested it?

searchforthesun · 30/09/2025 20:44

It doesn’t really matter how much travelling time it is, it’s not you having to do it. Your husband obviously thinks it’s worth it to see his friend. It’s still only one day out of your holiday, you have a lifetime together 🤷‍♀️
Id be pretty annoyed if my husband decided how I had to spend every day of my holiday.As long as you can have a day to yourself (if that’s what you choose) I really don’t see a problem.

Nananananananana · 30/09/2025 20:44

Im with you OP. Its all well and good saying you have a day out too, but I'm like you - I don't want a day to myself on a family holiday, I want a family holiday!

CagneyNYPD1 · 30/09/2025 20:43

snemrose · 30/09/2025 20:27

I was all for saying yabu but a 10 hour round trip on a family holiday? Nope.

This. A 5 hour drive to meet a mate. And then a five hour drive back. On the same day, driving on unfamiliar roads. When you are on a week’s holiday. Nah. It’s weird that your DH even thought that this was a good idea to start with.

Edited to add: just to be clear, meeting the friend isn’t weird. But the circumstances are. IMO

Figgygal · 30/09/2025 20:43

You're not doing the 10 hours travel are you?
We once had an overseas family holiday with a 5yo and 6mo and dh wanted to spend a day doing his hobby as area we were in presented an opportunity he wouldn't otherwise get easily I didn't bat an eye in him going so I do not get the issue

Neemie · 30/09/2025 20:42

It is one day with your daughter. Surely she isn’t that much of a chore. After a long stint at work, I would want a day with my daughter with nothing else I had to do.

SaratogaFilly · 30/09/2025 20:42

BeautifulRisk · 30/09/2025 20:34

In that case I guess one of you will have to give in. If he does go then he can do the lion’s share the next day and maybe you do some shopping or solo activity. Family holidays are precious and it’s annoying he is giving up one day for this acquaintance. Quite odd behaviour. But don’t ruin your holiday because of this. For your sake not his.

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I agree with this. FWIW Op, I would feel similarly to you but don’t ruin the holiday over it.

Bloozie · 30/09/2025 20:41

Neither of you is being reasonable OR unreasonable. However you feel about L, your husband values his friendship enough to want to see him. That's not unreasonable.

But travelling 5 hours there and back to see him IS a bit unreasonable. He'll barely get to spend any time with him, which I'm not sure is worth disrupting your holiday for. I used to take my son's best friend with us on holiday in the UK and one of us would always have to bring him back half way through, and that day of driving really divided the holiday into two distinct halves, mentally. It does make a difference.

You are being unreasonable not even trying to understand your husband's bond with L, and also for pouting over a day of solo parenting - but I do think it's reasonable to feel like it compromises your holiday too much.

inamo · 30/09/2025 20:40

Friend could be in the next town over. Get proof it's hours away. The chancers all of them!😊

Eatyourmanicotti · 30/09/2025 20:40

I’d be absolutely fine with it if I also got an equal amount of time for a spa day or a chill day with him being on child duty.

I kind of think it’s not much fun travelling with a young child, you might as well split it for some alone time if he’s having some.

Original poster
Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:39

This reply has been deleted

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You are actually just trolling now, if you can't pick up that I'm sad and upset and instead just prefer to needle me then please just don't.

OP posts:
TheLemonLemur · 30/09/2025 20:39

10 hours of travel how long will he actually spend with this guy? I dont see what the issue is solo parenting a 4 yo for a day at beach etc then next day he has a day with dd and you go do your sight seeing. 4 year olds generally dont enjoy this anyway

NaranjaDreams · 30/09/2025 20:38

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:19

Saying no, makes me feel like enforcing family time isn't fun when someone else doesn't want that, who enjoys feeling as if they have made their partner spend time with them?

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Well no. So you can’t win here. You know he wants to go, so let him go. You don’t want to force him to spend time with you, and that’s all that sulking is doing.

Get him to have DD for a bit the day before or after so you get some time, if you’ll need it, and then plan something you can all enjoy together. Make it the beach day that he misses, so it’s at least somewhat relaxing. Take her to cafes for treats, build sandcastles, that’s the type of thing I’d do with my nearly 4 year old.

Its one day of seven that he’d like to spend with someone he considers a friend, who is closer than they normally are. He wasn’t choosing them over you.

DontbesorrybeGiles · 30/09/2025 20:38

Coconutter24 · 30/09/2025 20:32

Why?

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I may just be projecting, but I’d have to be prettty desperate to see someone to travel 10 hours in a day just to spend a little time with them.

BountifulPantry · 30/09/2025 20:37

You could suggest that they travel to see you since you have a little one and join in your day?

Original poster
Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:37

pizzaHeart · 30/09/2025 20:31

This ^ would be my feeling too.

OP, this trip looks for me like anything is better then staying with wife and child for a day, even if it’s a 10 hours round trip.

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Yes I guess this is how I feel. It feels shit. And for all those saying it's just one day, it's one day of a short, expensive much needed, much longed for family holiday that now is incorporating a 10 hour trip to say a random fella.

OP posts:
Dublassie · 30/09/2025 20:36

Completely agree with you, OP. Ten hours of travel on a week's holiday is crazy. He will be shattered the next day .

inamo · 30/09/2025 20:36

I think you are 100% right to feel aggrieved. First of all how did this all come together, that DH knew L would be 10hrs away (WTF) at the same time as your holiday? DH has some neck to want to spend the entire day travelling and meeting this friend, what's the real story there?

I'd compromise by saying you would all meet up in a town near to where you are staying. L+P don't have kids with them so their ability to travel is much easier. Your DH's answer is all you need to know.

I'd say this was well planned and only said to you last minute.

You could always invite L and his/her partner if one exists, to your home town when you return, since they are in Europe anyway and might like the adventure.

Oneeyedonkey · 30/09/2025 20:36

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NotThatWitty · 30/09/2025 20:36

I voted YANBU, because a 10 hour round trip for a one week family holiday is extreme. Personally, I wouldn't say no, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be disappointed.

My only other concern is that it will be a very long day for your DH, especially if he is driving. 10 hours of travelling, and then the time actually spent seeing the friend. He is likely to be back late, and then this one day extends into 2, as he will be too tired the next day. Of course that may not be the case for your DH, but it would concern me.

Squishydishy · 30/09/2025 20:35

You’ll probably spend more than 1 day on mumsnet moaning about it. More than the 1 day itself that husband is meeting up with a friend. 1 day!! I really couldn’t get this worked up about it. Just plan something nice with your child and enjoy being with them and not at work

Blueblell · 30/09/2025 20:35

A 10 hour round trip I am going to suggest will take up more than one day of your holiday.

KnewYearKnewMe · 30/09/2025 20:35

Hmmm.. I get why you are irked about this.

what’s so special about this guy that uiru DH would travel 5 hours 😳😳😳 to see him?

surely that’s not as long as it took you to get to your holiday destination,

why can’t friend and wife travel to you, if its
that important?

BeautifulRisk · 30/09/2025 20:34

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:31

Generally our marriage is solid, we compromise mostly and support each other to do our own things.

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In that case I guess one of you will have to give in. If he does go then he can do the lion’s share the next day and maybe you do some shopping or solo activity. Family holidays are precious and it’s annoying he is giving up one day for this acquaintance. Quite odd behaviour. But don’t ruin your holiday because of this. For your sake not his.