DH leaving us for one day on hol AIBU

10hr round trip?! How long would it take your DH to visit his friend once he's back home?

Lots of handmaidens here tonight. The men have to be accommodated. I wonder what DH response would be if YOU decided to do the same thing and leave your daughter and DH for a full day alone. I can guess, since you are a woman and should not do things like that whilst on holiday with your husband - meeting a friend indeed. How selfish of you.

The whole thing is batshit. Meet them near you or in your home town. Stand your ground, I think you are quite right to be unhappy about it.

I’m a bit torn by this. When you first said he just wanted to go for the day I thought you were being unreasonable but I think the length of the travel tips it into being a bit excessive out of a week’s family holiday.

YANBU it’s not just going to be one day though is it? He’ll be tired from the long drive so probably useless the next day and not want to do anything and your trip is only 5 days.

I think my compromise will be that L has to travel half way to meet him and he needs to be back in time for a family dinner so you still get some family time together that day.

because we met someone on a bar several years ago one evening and seen twice since

I think it’s odd that he bonded so much with this person, what did they bond over ? most people meet people on holidays and then never see them again because…..why would you

Did you say the friend is American? That I think makes a difference to perception of distance.

I have a Texan friend and he messaged me saying he was unexpectedly over here for a few days and did I want to meet for a drink.

He was in Southampton and I am in the North Midlands! He didnt see the issue, now he has been over here a few times, he gets that driving longish distances over here is not the same as it is in America as we dont have the big wide interstates that they have.

And surely nobod can safely drive that distance in one day ?

Ha! I’m 41, husband 48 and our son is 14 and we all still have a little Nanna Nap on a late afternoon if we’re on a sunny holiday! Always have! We don’t on an adventure holiday bizarrely when we’re doing more ‘tiring’ things!

I think it is ridiculous for him to do 10 hours travel to meet up with a casual acquaintance. Why can’t they meet him halfway? It wouldn’t really bother me if he went off for a day but I would want a day to myself as well. Just because you are on a family holiday it doesn’t mean you need to be joined at the hip.

I would be upset too. It is certainly coded rejection, and it would he hard not to be saddened by it. Is this a pattern though - him choosing others/other entertainment over family time? Or a one off? If it is the former, I'd have a more serious think about it, and discussion with him, but if it is a one-off, maybe let him and it go? Sorry you are feeling sad and upset and that your holiday is getting marred by this thoughtlessness on his part.

YANBU if he has to travel that far then the friend isn’t actually in the area, he just in the same country.

Meeting up would be fair enough if it was closer to where you’re staying or if you were arranging to meet up half way or something but that amount of travel and time seems ridiculous.

YABU. Spending one day ‘solo parenting’ a four-year-old at the beach or the pool isn’t a big deal and you don’t have to have enforced ‘family time’ 24/7.

However, it’s clear you’ve already decided what you think about this issue and you obviously have no intention of listening to anyone who tells you that YABU. I’m not really sure why you posted, unless you want to have the same arguments with people here that you’re presumably already having with your husband.

If you were just looking for validation and a place to vent, rather than actually seeking opinions, don’t frame it as ‘AIBU’. There’s no point in asking a question and then getting cross and being hurt when people don’t give you your preferred answer.

Surely that amount of driving on unfamiliar roads with different rules to the UK, so more likely to make tiredness related mistakes, is just plain dangerous?!

I had to do a three hour drive and then the same back and I was really struggling for the last hour.

Is the travel part of the attraction? Like a road trip for him to see more of a foreign country? There's a difference between commuting Cardiff to Leeds in a hire car, or going Vienna to Prague by train and enjoying the journey.

Can both groups meet up half way - cuts down travelling.

You’re getting a hard time OP but I agree with you. It’s not even local.

Seems a strange thing to want to do when you're on your family holiday for just a week. Why didnt he suggest you all go?

Really would not be bothered. A 4 year old for the day is not that difficult....

@Clareat2021 I think this sounds like heaven! 7 days together is quite intense, so embrace the day to yourself, and go do something that your DD would love. An aquarium, or find a local playpark, or book yourselves into a fun class of some sort.

The day bit isn't an issue - I think your DH is crazing wanting to do 10 hours of driving just to meet up with some random bloke for lunch!

I agree with you OP, sorry I could understand if the friend was an hour away or staying close by then fair enough you could let them catch up for a few hours etc.
But I wouldn’t be happy with 10hours plus away and driving 5hours each way.
Is this friendship one sided does this L make just as much effort to see your DH or is it always your DH making most of the effort to keep this friendship going?
only thing you can hope for is your DH will see some sense and not bother going or this friendship will sizzle out.

I don't see what the big deal is. I wouldn't care if DH spent a day of our holiday doing something he really wanted to do. It's one day.

I really wouldn't fancy being stuck in car for 5 hours there and another 5 back!!

Yeah: no. Thats not on.

It’s your husbands holiday too and if he’d like a day to visit a friend I think that’s fair enough. As long as you are also able to take a day to do something you’d like should you wish to.

I can understand why you don’t want more than 14% of your holiday to be interfered with, and let’s face it, your husband will be tired after 10 hours of travelling. Other than that I think it would be a lovely idea for you to meet up with this couple as a family. Not sure he’s really thought it through!