DH leaving us for one day on hol AIBU

Id have no problem with my partner arranging a long distance meet up with a friend.

Unless it took an entire day out of a short family holiday. Then id be thoroughly fucked off.

Id also like to know why the guy can't come to you. Or all meet in the middle.

She’s not a single parent. Just because she can doesn’t mean she should have to.

He seems very keen to spend time with this random man who he met on holiday once. That's not usually male behaviour. Their friendships are more likely to revolve around proximity and ease. Are you sure there's not more to it than just friendship? I think it's odd to want to take time out from a family holiday for this acquaintance, and also a bit too convenient that he's American yet JUST HAPPENS to be in Europe at your holiday destination, right when you're all going to be there. And you're not invited to go along. Do you have proof that he's there with a partner?

ETA: He wants to do a TEN-HOUR DRIVE to see this man? Oh, hell to the no. That is totally not normal on a one-week family holiday.

If it's all innocent, there is no reason whatsoever why the man and his partner can't meet you and your family at a halfway point.

If you can't be included in the plans, I'd be extremely suspicious.

You’re being totally unreasonable- loads of single parents look after a 4 year old on their own

Oh for goodness sake - stop being dramatic

Says the poster who sounds dramatic themselves. All op did was say why should she have to, that's hardly the definition of dramatic 🙄

There is that joke ..... "In America you drive for 6 hours and are still in the same state, in the Europe you drive for 6 hours, show your passport 5 times and and hear 10 different languages".

Gosh I’m with you OP. 10 hours travelling in one day to see a mate he met travelling? When you’re only there for a week. Ridiculous.

And no, dragging a 4 year old on a 10 hour round trip isn’t a good idea either. What a way to ruin a holiday.

Utterly bizarre- it’s such a short holiday. 5 hours is not close!

I’d be pissed off too. Holidays and family time are precious, expensive and rare. This doesn’t sound worth it at all.

Mumsnet is very strange sometimes..

Glad you’ve feeling better now OP, but I think the fact that he’s not proactively coming to you with a reasonable compromise is the biggest issue. You shouldn’t have to try to convince him to include you.

It sounds like he’d prefer you weren’t there.

although it seems to me madness that he would want to go all that way for such a short time. Yes I would be a little annoyed but it’s unreasonable to forbid him to go. Also being in a bad mood and wasting the rest of the holiday is madness? I would take the opportunity to do something just you and your DD that maybe your DH wouldn’t want to do. Whether that’s by the pool doing nothing, shopping, or whatever. Plus he then owes you a day entirely to yourself again to do whatever you want to do. Whether now on holiday or when you get home.

Meet half way for lunch, that would take 5hrs off the journey

Yeah I am with you, I would be raging! Holidays always feel so short and it is actually a lot of hard work - my 4 year old never stops moving!

100% with you. Ten hours is bizarre- in Europe that will get him out of the country in most places? Perhaps if they were an hour or two away but as it stands, he’s likely to be gone for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Everyone here has assumed you’re in a luxury hotel with kids clubs - that may not be the case- but either way after it seems like the child free couple have much greater capacity to travel to where you are. And with all that extra travel out of the way it might be easier for DH to disappear for half a day. Shame you and dd didn’t get an invite though.

I’m with you OP. 5hrs each way for a random
is ridiculous. Hardly like he’s in the next town and you can pop over for a spot of lunch. Perhaps the random friend can travel to where you are and see your DH. Be interesting to see how open he is to that and whether he views your DH as the good friend DH believes him to be.

I did vote YABU, but after updates, I can see why you're annoyed. 500 mile / 10 hours round trip. He'll be gone the WHOLE day and into the evening. As L is American, yeah, you guys will be "nearby", but not for those of us in the UK. I think it should be suggested to L, as they are already there too, if they could come over to the area you're in instead. That way, your DH will get more time with them too, and not as much time away from you & DD.

But while he's gone, I'd try to have a chill day with DD by the pool, walks on the beach, sandcastles, ice cream, playpark etc.

Then after you get back home, book yourself a day out somewhere nice on your own, while he has DD.

10 hours travelling doesn’t sound like the same region to me at all! It’s a really long way (5 hours from where you are).

Doesn’t make sense to me.

Could the friend not come to where you are and spend a night?

I wouldn't be impressed either OP.
10 hours to meet someone he barely knows strikes me as a bit desperate, when he is on holiday with his wife and child.
Some men are like that however.
Yanbu.

Your DH should just tell him to come to you as you have a 4 year old. Seems the easiest solution.
I mean 5 hours is ages away. May as well fly to the US would only be a couple more!

I think that sounds like a great compromise.

If you plan your dates right you can have chill-out time before and after a mini-adventure (this is how DP and I usually do our holidays). There might even be a restaurant or another pretty destination in between your towns that you can meet up in and explore.

If this guy and his partner are good eggs I'd bet you find your effort has been worth the while down the line.

Often the best bits of holidays are the bits you don't envisage!

I'm with you OP. Wouldn't be standing for this if this was my DH. A much needed family holiday and he fucks off for a full day. Nah not on at all. Plus he's nowhere fucking near him 😂 'in the region's indeed.

No, I just think it’s fundamentally anti-feminist to automatically assume that any women who aren’t bothered by something that bothers you are somehow motivated by wanting to please men, rather than simply assuming that they’re women who know their own minds.

It’s hard to do that when you’re left holding the baby - like the OP.

Your post makes no sense.

Um isn't the solution to this to maintain your sense of independence rather than snoop, though.

Agree completely. Why do people put so much emphasis on the respect of privacy, when most of these men don’t know the meaning of respect. This man is taking the piss leaving her with their child in a foreign country for all that time. If I’m sharing my body/best years of my life with a man who’s not acting questionably, I’m entitled to truth and full transparency.

Hear Hear 👏👏