Hen party - was this comment a bit shitty?

This.

“I don’t have instagram” would have been sufficient.

The bit about being 33 with 2 children was a dig at those with children over 33+ using it.

I get a bit annoyed at the assumption everyone uses Instagram etc. She could just have said "I'm not on Instagram" but that might have come across as abrupt; perhaps she thought it less abrupt to offer a reason.

It can read that way - but it can also be read as simply informative, and maybe genuinely apologetic. Given neither the OP or the organiser knows her, it's not possible to tell from just text. A lot of the replies here sound unnecessarily judgemental.

The tone of the reply was in direct response to the implicit assumption that everyone in the group is naturally on instagram. I’m assuming a lot in the group are a bit younger than the 33 yo?

It was rude, but being chased for an instagram name is also very annoying!!

I think the reply was snappy, but not bitchy. What easy lives people must lead to think that the response was bitchy. To call it bitchy is a bit of an over reaction IMO.

@NoSoapJustUseShowerGel but how do you know she's judging? Why isn't she not just simply giving her reasons? She's maybe not implying anything other than explaining why she, personally, because of what she's outlined, doesn't use Instagram. Why does it automatically mean it's something 'against' the others? Maybe I'm snobby and didn't realise it but I don't see her as having a dig, she's entitled to say her reasoning.

God no good deed goes unpunished does it. Like it or not loads of people are on instagram and all hell would break loose if they weren’t tagged in pictures. The poor organiser just wanted to make sure that she had all the information. If you don’t have Instagram then what you do is just tell the organiser that first time she asks. You don’t ignore it and then launch into some moralistic shit when she follows up with you. Hen dos are fucking shit and the only thing worse than attending one in my experience is organising it and having to deal with a load of crap.

By saying the why, she is passing a judgment on those that do use it, implying that they aren’t as busy or mature as her.
It’s not micromanaging what people say to expect basic manners. Just like if you thought someone looked awful in an unflattering dress for example, you wouldn’t say it outright.

She could have just said - I don’t use social media. No need for the holier than thou attitude.

Yes it was. Superiority complex too. A simple "Ah, sorry, I don't use SM" would be an apprpriate non snarky response.

She was ticked off about being chased and is juggling a lot. So she gave a slightly stronger response. But I don’t think there is a problem with that.

Yes she could’ve just said “sorry I don’t use instagram”.
I don’t use it to post either and I kind of agree with her sentiment as I find it all a bit egotistical but it was an unnecessarily bitchy comment.

Why are you offended? Or whatever it is. She's just said she's not on it and why. Not that no 33 year olds should be on it. Not that you are idiots for being on it. Just at 33 she's now grown out of it. That she doesn't have time for it as she's busy with her kids. I don't think she's been rude at all? Are we micromanaging what other people say this much? She's been honest and it's been taken as a dig by the sounds of it. If people want to be involved with photos, they do it. If they don't, leave them be. Sorted.

depends, she didn’t reply the first time so for me it should have been left. If your friend then chased her openly in the group with a “don’t be boring / let us know your handle etc” then her response is valid.

For me it all depends on how she was asked as I feel like their could be more to this

i don’t think your friend should have chased it. Not every person wants pictures posted online so the friend should have left it.
The reply was a bit snappy but she probably felt pressured to reply. Plus not everyone sits on WhatsApp all day. I’m similar age, with 2 kids. Sometimes I see a message and mean to reply to it but get busy doing something else.

What did the ‘perfectly polite’ chaser say exactly?

It's not a bitchy comment at all, but it is a rather superior one. I would have just said I don't use Instagram and left it at that.

I have a friend who doesn't have any social media, not even WhatsApp, so we communicate via text or email. It's a bit of a faff when trying to arrange stuff as a group because I can't add her into a group chat.

Depends what the initial message & chasing up were.

I would have been annoyed at being ‘chased up’ for this. And it also suggests like there may have been a lot of other annoying ideas, plans or instructions coming from the organiser and this was the final straw.

Can you tell us the plans so far? Do the hens have to have themed outfits or wear specific colours? Have crazy hen T-shirts been ordered? Exactly how wacky & fun is the event going to be?

With a FT job and 2 young children she probably has more than enough petty admin to contend with in her life.

Rude? Maybe. It sounds like she was stressed and put up a firm boundary. Your organising friend shouldn't take it personally, and could reflect on how over-organising creates a lot of pressure for others that can take away from the enjoyment of an experience.

This.
Those that use SM shouldn’t assume that everyone else does or would even agree to the sharing of photos from an event they attended if they did.
But the comment was a bit ‘snobby’ for want of a better word.

It was a bit snippy but also asking for Instagram handles is a bit ott and chasing her up is ridiculous.

It was a bit sassy but tbh quite liked her sentiment. Almost every work event, social event, hell even restaurants and bars/clubs are at it these days it’s constant photos, videos and reels. Usually posted without consent. As someone said, some of us would rather not be filmed and plastered on other peoples or a business social media and instead want to just enjoy the moment.

Yep, she's a snarky "I'm better than you" bit of a cow.

She literally only had to say "I don't use insta, thanks anyway". Avoid future interactions with her, she's hard work.

Might've been feeling pressured and just kinda blew. Working with two kids would be very challenging, to say the least, so maybe Insta just seems OTT to her. 🤷‍♀️
True about finding a nicer way to decline. ie. Im not on Insta and prefer to keep my private life off sm if you don't mind. Feel free to blur me out.