Hen party - was this comment a bit shitty?

Some people are so holier than thou when it comes to not being on/not using social media, wasn’t great of the organiser to chase her but she could have just said no thanks.

It’s not like she’s the first ever 33 year old working mum 🤣 like that’s so irrelevant.

It is dickish. My mate always has a dig about how she's too old for instagram, and it's just trying to make people feel small, but I just ignore it because that annoys her more

Exactly. And how long between the original request and the chase? Perhaps she highlighting that she doesn't have time for what is essentially not important.

Most people on instagram are 33 with multiple kids... Comes across that she's saying she's so grown up and mature and couldn't possibly be doing with frivolous things like Instagram. She sounds like a knob.

Did organiser just ask for people’s instagrams or did she ask for them and say she is checking permissions before hand? Does this lady not want to be in any photos that will be on instagram or is she happy to be in them, just doesn’t have an account to tag. I’d say it’s better to know up front if the former, so you can ask her to step aside for some photos.

We live in a social media age and many people use social media like photo albums. Plus sorry to be morbid, but lost a friend this year and sometimes these photos that people may mock on social media are all you have left, and you’re so grateful someone took them.

The MOH has made a bit of an assumption here.

Not everyone likes or uses Insta etc.

It's perfectly reasonable to not want to use SM, as is not wanting your picture splashed all over various platforms. For all you know, the woman could have an abusive ex she's been outrunning for years or a job that requires a high caution for security purposes.

Her message was clear. I can see how it could be taken as a bit judgey of SM users but also it could be taken literally - she just doesn't want it and that's ok.

You'd all be doing the bride a huge favour by getting over this and moving forward positively.

It's certainly not something that needs to be brought up and discussed.

Why didn’t she just say, “Sorry, I’d rather not be tagged in social media posts.” I’m older than her with two kids and a job and I use Instagram! As do many of my friends.

I think that's just her opinion and how she feels about Instagram. I wouldn't take it personally. And it was perfectly reasonable to send that message to everyone. It sounds like she's a little stressed/very busy. I would just take it as it is and WhatsApp her/email any photos. She might even apologize, given time

Oh just seen that she just didn’t reply initially- that should have been enough for your friend to get the hint. I would have been just as forthright..good for her.

My first thought was whether she is older than the rest of the group and using age to differentiate by way of explanation - but I know people of that age group (and even my friends who are a few years older) do use Instagram.

My other thought is, if she was being a bit short, whether it’s because she’d been chased up. Fair enough the person organising asking once but perhaps being asked a second time made her feel that some sort of explanation was necessary, and that annoyed her. Even if she’s not older, if lots of the group don’t have children she may just feel she’s in a different life phase to others and have different priorities. Perhaps she was trying to deal with her children at the time, feeling quite stressed and in that moment just thought ‘for goodness sake, I’m being asked again about social media’.

I didn’t read it as rude - but having read others’ comments could see it could possibly be taken that way. I just took it very literally as an explanation that she’s not especially young, has young children, so chooses to share photos differently. But I don’t use social media so not in a group that I suppose could, at a push, be offended by this.

Lol what a byotch. Nobody gives a f that you're 33 with 2 kids, I'm 34 and on Instagram, shoot me.

Yeah it was an arsey and tbh quite pompous response but chasing up was also a bit socially unaware - the organiser should have taken no response as a response - lots of people of all ages have very limited social media and certainly wouldn't want to be tagged

Bit of a snarky response but your friend should have taken the hint when she didn’t reply the first time.

She could’ve just said “sorry I don’t use insta” so her reply does sound a bit snotty.

Maybe put it down to tone not being easy to read over text and move on?

Asking for instagram user names would have pissed me off too. I would hate to be tagged in anything.

Bit forceful but kind of fair enough. You don’t go around tagging people these days. Especially at something like a hen do. The organiser should not do this.

Yes, it’s an arsey reply. She could’ve just said she wasn’t on Instagram. It didn’t need the sneery bit about being 33, etc. That said, I’m not sure why the other person would chase.

Agree it was just unnecessary. 'I'm not on instagram' would have sufficed.

Not sure what being 33 has to do with anything either - surely that's peak instagram age, most people under that are all over tiktok/snapchat instead!
Assuming you're all a similar age, she's hardly going to be the only one with a full time job either!

And "prefer to update those close to me personally about things," is weirdly self-important - presumably the organiser only wanted to tag her in some pictures not give her a sneak peak of the autumn budget. I can't envision her nearest and dearest caring about being "updated" about Annie's Mai Tai or whatever.

Organising a hen is so stressful and thankless, without people being needlessly bitchy when asked a simple question.

Apart from anything else it's just stupid to piss someone off/out yourself as a potential knob when you don't know anyone else going. If I was the organiser I know who I'd be putting in the squeaky pull out bed

Unnecessary. Sounds to me like making the point of - I don’t need validation from
insta I have real friends and a life 😂 What has having kids and a full time job got anything to do with any of it!

I reckon she’ll be hard work on the hen!

Unnecessarily rude.

The chasing was unnecessary too, but 'I don't use Instagram ' would've sufficed.

Haha, this is what I always tell people : I don't have social media and prefer to keep up with people that matter directly. Her mentioning her age and having kids probably meant she's finding the group immature.

Agree. I think it's unreasonable to assume that everyone uses Instagram and would be OK with being tagged even if they do have an account. Your friend shouldn't have chased this.

She ‘chased’ her for her instagram name? I’d have probably reacted the same way!

The response was unnecessary but the chase up was also rude. If someone doesn't want to join in on socials it shouldn't be pushed when first ignore

Why did she need to chase people for their Instagram usernames? Fair enough to ask, but it isn’t something which needs chasing if people don’t reply.

Absolutely this. Please don’t post photos of me anywhere. I’m a private person and have no FB or Instagram