MIL / shoes in the house

So the MIL starts hyperventilating (although I suspect footage may indicate that this wasn’t quite the case!)

And DIL feels terrible days later about it

I imagine there’s quite a bit of drama in this family. I bet Christmas time is interesting

How bizarre

You that is @Toddlertamer1

I imagine the people around you just feel like they are walking on egg shells! 😆

Thank god you're not my MIL. If you reacted like this to such an incredibly minor situation, by saying I'm 'less welcomed', I'd just say fuck it then, the grandkids and I won't come round to your house any more if it's going to cause this mental level of drama.

Absolutely batshit insane.

It’s pretty common and hardly misogynist when it’s used equally about men.

“taste in women “ yuck. what a misogynistic term

Honestly op I can’t even read all these replies. How about sending a text saying…thank you for a wonderful weekend. The dc love seeing you both and spending time together. You can put some other blah blah about her generosity or great cooking or fabulous pillows but don’t overload it.

then in the future continue to be very cognizant of her no shoes rule and continue to abide by it both you DH and dc. It was a one off. I have a no shows house rule too but people before possessions always.

It would appear the DH has a similar taste In women as his father

if MIL is sooo particular about ‘shoes off in house’, why in gods name didn’t she whip her own shoes off, dash back inside, grab child’s lollipop, step out with a gay smile & conduct the walk.
could be just an attention seeking device 😺… can barely believe I’ve replied lol.

Your mil is ott - I would ignore her. Of course it’s normal to be upset if you have accidentally upset someone but since your mil didn’t say anything at the time I think you should ignore. Maybe next time you run in you could say to your mil ‘I remembered to take my shoes off that time!’

Definitely this.

Wow. Did you mean to be so rude?

both by the sounds of it

Sounds like she was being massively OTT

I can’t imagine anyone being bothered by non- muddy shoes going into the house for a moment or two. Much more annoying if they’d had to wait for you to take your shoes off and on again!

But I would hope that you would actually tell the person what the problem was instead of having a panic attack & not saying anything. Yes, we need to be aware of mental health issues but people aren't mind readers

This.

I would imagine that she had some sort of panic attack triggered by but not caused by the shoe incident. Best left. She might find it incredibly embarrassing to be reminded of the incident.

Well it seems she’s got some sort of anxiety connected to shoes in the house, or was just feeling overly anxious already if she’s not used to spending so much time with children and her nerves were already a bit frayed before it happened. Do you have the sort of relationship where you could ring and have a friendly chat? Her reaction is very far from rational, but you have accidentally upset her so it might be nice to just politely acknowledge that and say sorry. Personally I don’t care about shoes on the house because I drive my giant tractor of a wheelchair straight through the front door, so we have hard wearing tiles to deal with that. But we’re all different. While her reaction was totally out of proportion, it seems she was genuinely upset and might appreciate the gesture of an apology.

There are lots of unpleasant replies on this thread.
It evidences that mental health awareness amongst the general mumsnet population is critically low.
Or maybe posters are aware but simply don't care and their posts reflect that.
Or maybe a lot of people who have posted responses on this thread are exceptionally low in emotional intelligence.
It's difficult to gauge which one it is.
Interestingly, there has recently been a thread on how many unpleasant posts there are on MN threads.
This is one of them.

Was she really hyperventilating? That’s a very extreme reaction.

This is so bloody rude.

You and MIL both seem a tiny bit batshit. DH chosen someone like his mother by the sounds of it 🤭

@Magicboobies
OP, do you know if your MiL is diagnosed with a mental health condition?
You may not be aware if she is, as she may not have shared it with you.
But she sounds to me like she might have an anxiety based mental health problem and/or OCD relating to germs/bacteria in her home.
This is a mental health condition and the number of posters on here dismissing or belittling her reaction is evidence of how little people understand about mental health conditions and the impact they have on people who suffer with the symptoms.
If she hasn't been diagnosed, it might be helpful for her to talk to her GP about things. To have been hyperventilating, she would have been experiencing genuine fear.
Maybe this is a conversation your DH could have with her, if you don't feel comfortable enough to raise it with her.
I actually think it would be really lovely of you to call her and say you hadn't realised that going in to her house with shoes on would cause her to feel highly anxious. Not to apologise for what you did, as you didn't do anything wrong, but to simply explain gently that you didn't realise.
People with mental health conditions need to be understood by others. Having mental health symptoms in response to every day events that others perceive to be normal is very isolating and upsetting for that person.
You sound very thoughtful OP.

Her shoes didn’t appear dirty but like you say they still have germs on them. Safe or not safe germs some people don’t like that in their house

Jesus. She asked today because that's when she asked her dh what was wrong with his mum. Mil needs help it's bonkers to get like that about a non issue.