MIL / shoes in the house

Only on mumsnet? We’re talking about OPs MIL who is not on mumsnet she’s out there in the real world! I haven’t said I’m anxious like OPs MIL, I’m not I often walk through my house with shoes on if I’m just going out or just got home. However some people are funny about germs.

I think it’s more extreme that every time you see the royal family you think about people on mumsnet taking their shoes off when entering Buckingham palace

Either the mil has a serious existing mental health condition regarding cleanliness, which the OP would already have known about - so she was being thoughtless

or

this “hyperventilating” came out of absolute no where and the mil has never shown in the years previously that she’s particularly committed to shoes off to the extent that if you don’t take them off… she loses it.

You wouldn’t get in a state in your home but MIL obviously did get in a state where people had to calm her down and tell her to leave it.

😆

One size slippers- my dh get them in hotels every week.

It's the kind of reaction that my friend with contamination OCD used to have if the routine/ hygiene protocol was broken.

if the mil suffered like this, the op would presumably be acutely aware of it

It's the MiL that's in considerably greater need of support than the OP. It's the kind of reaction that my friend with contamination OCD used to have if the routine/ hygiene protocol was broken.

It's not practical pissing around for 5 minutes to unlace/ buckle shoes and put them back on again in order to spend 30s grabbing something (I can't wear slip-on shoes, so all my footwear is faffy to put on and off and my foot proportions give me very little aesthetic choices).

How do people this strict cope with tasks like bringing in multiple or heavy items from the car? Do they actually fart about with putting everything down on the threshold and taking footwear on/ off umpteen times?

From a hygiene point of view, bare sweaty sandal feet are often worse than the actual sandals themselves so it's a daft policy that isn't always logical.

I'd leave it this time and next time send DH back in if something needs grabbing.

if OP was genuine unaware then it’s not her fault.

But if you know someone is anxious about this, or keeps their home very clean, it’s very disrespectful to them and their home to wear shoes in (exceptions are if they say it’s ok; you have a disability; or your job means you need to wear shoes)

When I was pregnant, I had to leave the room and cry because ILs wore shoes inside. It felt like they were consistently being disrespectful and adding more housework. I didn’t like wet muddy shoes being trodden on my rugs.

Even after agreeing to remove shoes, they would come to drop items off and continue to wear shoes anyway, knowing I wasn’t there (and thinking I couldn’t see the mud trampled everywhere!)

Even if this MIL was being a bit U, I would definitely apologise in OP’s situation avoid doing it again.

How extreme.

Only on mumsnet are people hysterical about shoes and apparently routinely troubled by people walking dog shit through the house.

Everytime I see a photo of the royal family at home wearing shoes - there’s a great one of princess anne watching the rugby - I think of the MN crazies ripping off their shoes as they walk into Buckingham Palace because germs.

Everyone in this situation needs to relax.

To add: our policy is shoes off generally but I certainly don’t insist on it for professional visitors and guests. For example we had men delivering heavy furniture the other day wearing boots to protect their feet in case the furniture is dropped.

Why are posters bullying the OP when it’s clearly the MIL who is weird and needs to get a grip on her anxiety if she is actually hyperventilating over someone walking into her house with their shoes on.

Do you have a vast selection of slippers for guests in different sizes out of interest @arcticpandas ?

I am anal about my home

but I would be mortified by the thought that I’d made my anxious DIL feel like she had to apologise to me days later for having her shoes on. The idea of made an already anxious person feel “terrible”? Well, I’d be really cross with myself

Oh plllease. We always take our shoes off and guests get slippers but I wouldn't get in a state if someone walked in with shoes. @Magicboobies Your Mil has got a serious anxiety problem- not your fault so don't apologise. Tbf she didn't say anything at the time so she must have realised it was ott.

Both the OP and her MIL would benefit from some professional support. Maybe they could go to therapy together! Both seem somewhat anxious!

Exactly

and if she did, wouldn’t the Op have known about it before now!

But we dont know that she has a genuine phobia? You have just made that bit up!

She sounds absolutely bat shit crazy. I would not be giving this irrational behaviour a second thought!

presumably the Op would have been aware of this “genuine phobia” in the many years before now?

You obviously don't know anyone with a genuine phobia and how bad it can affect people. I did.

MIL sounds insane! Forget it.

Your MIL definitely overreacted
She might not have overeated if MIL has a phobia that can ruin lives with the anxiety it brings with it.
Maybe this is why she reacted like that.
But if OP didn't know this then its not her fault.

I would casually apologise. If it upset her that much then it clearly bothers her and I’m sure she would appreciate the apology.

We're also a shoes off household. The house is mostly carpet but we have a small tiled porch and the downstairs hallway is wood flooring. Lino in the kitchen next to the back door. I prefer shoes to be kept to the porch but often when guests are over they end up briefly walking into one of those rooms with shoes on. I don't make a big deal of it (unless it's my dad with his big muddy boots) and just give it a wipe when they're gone. Your MIL definitely overreacted but if an apology would help your anxiety over the situation then go for it.

Why do people keep questioning the hyperventilating? OP described what MIL and those around her were doing and it was clear that she was.

I read it that OP wasv trying to be tactful at the time by not saying anything, but then later thought to ask her DH what it had all been about. And yes, if I'd discovered that I was the reason for someone getting into that state, I'd find that very uncomfortable, too.