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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DH to tell FIL to stop using our loo if he can’t clean up after himself?

266 replies

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:01

We host my in-laws at least once a month for Sunday lunch and they pop round at various other points in the month.

Almost without fail, FIL will use the loo and it will be left in a disgusting state after - stinking as he hasn’t sprayed, water over the floor from where he hasn’t dried his hands properly and items such as the soap put back in the wrong place.

DH knows this greatly annoys me but won’t say anything - ‘oh, he’s stuck in his ways’ or ‘it’s only once a month’.

I’ve had enough quite frankly, and feel like it’s getting to ultimatum time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:32

I haven’t heard the match suggestion before - sounds a recipe for disaster in an enclosed space surely?!

OP posts:

herbaceous · 30/09/2025 17:31

Advice.

A) light a match

B) lighten up.

LadeOde · 30/09/2025 17:30

Is this really how people speak to their parents? DH being asked to tell his dad a grown man and your Father in law, to stop using your loo...how ridiculous! All because he doesn't use room spray, and drops a bit of water on the floor, oh, and doesn't put the soap back in the "right" place. Has graciousness become so rare that it can't be extended to a parent figure who visits once a month? he may not fit @OP's tidy expectations but as a close family member, isn't he worth some dignity and respect?

EnjoythemoneyJane · 30/09/2025 17:30

Princesspollyyy · 30/09/2025 17:14

its far better than the smell of someone’s shite though

Show quote history

Yeah, it’s really not. The smell of shit is unpleasant, but the smell of shit mingled with a toxic cloud of synthetic freesias is beyond gopping. Just open a window. Or, like my PILs, light a match - surprisingly effective and much less sickening. They kept a box in the loo for just that purpose.

IdaGlossop · 30/09/2025 17:29

For me, this is about hospitality. What's happening is annoying but it takes only five minutes to mop up, move the soap and open the window once FIL has left.

RanchRat · 30/09/2025 17:29

Sounds like you don't like him and are trying to find fault. What you describe is far from disgusting in the lavatory department.

nowinetimeforme · 30/09/2025 17:29

AntiBullshit · 30/09/2025 17:25

Poo stains? Piss on the seat/floor?
no, ok move along

I assumed the post was going to be about horrendous skid marks or piss all over the floor (both unacceptable) but this honestly sounds like a total non-event.

soupyspoon · 30/09/2025 17:28

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:24

Generally agree re. conventional air freshener not being the nicest smelling, but the one we’ve got costs a little extra and is worth every penny.

Expensive stuff eh?

Well unless it can turn back time and put the poo back up his bum, it will still do what all of them do, put a chemical smell in the toilet that mixed with the smell of shit is 10 times worse than the poo on its own.

OneNewLeader · 30/09/2025 17:27

Leave the window open for the duration of the visit? Many people think air freshener is a little gauche, your in laws may think so too.

Onlycoffee · 30/09/2025 17:27

You sound very unkind and unhospitable.

It would be rude to invite family over for a meal and not allow them to use the toilet.

It would be extremely rude considering your reasons.

You need to get out more of you can't cope with someone using your bathroom, not putting the soap back in the right place and spilling drops of water.

nowinetimeforme · 30/09/2025 17:26

Shr3dding · 30/09/2025 17:23

Does everyone have a shit in other people's loos? Maybe I'm the outlier but I'd go out of my way to avoid that

Show quote history

What does ‘go out of your way’ look like if you’re at someone’s house for a lot of the day?

If I was leaving soon and I could wait, I’d wait, but that’s not always possible, surely?

MeganM3 · 30/09/2025 17:26

So he does a poo, washes his hands but a few drops of water go on the floor and he puts the soap back a bit differently. It doesn’t really sound like a huge mess honestly. Sounds sort of normal.
But ask DH to clean up in there after if you feel it needs it. No reason you should be doing that.

Original poster

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:25

Princesspollyyy · 30/09/2025 17:17

Do your in laws travel very far to get to your house?? Surely your FIL could try going before he leaves his house??

i would never shit in someone else’s house, even family, unless I was absolutely desperate. I can’t really relax unless I’m at home. I think it’s weird shitting in someone else’s bathroom, especially if he’s doing it every time.

Only about 20 minutes. I’ve made this point to DH too and got shrugged shoulders.

He’s a big chap these days so the smell is genuinely repulsive.

OP posts:

AntiBullshit · 30/09/2025 17:25

Poo stains? Piss on the seat/floor?
no, ok move along

MyOliveStork · 30/09/2025 17:24

Princesspollyyy · 30/09/2025 17:17

Do your in laws travel very far to get to your house?? Surely your FIL could try going before he leaves his house??

My Dad has developed a bowel issue with age. It is lovely to see him as due to this issue he has lost a lot of confidence and doesn’t go out much. Therefore yes he does poop at my house. Not everyone has a young and youthful constitution and can plan where they are going to poop with such precision. Lucky you for being able to!!!!

Moltenpink · 30/09/2025 17:24

If you have another toilet, just use that one after he’s been while the smell clears and water dries. Air freshener is horrible stuff.

Original poster

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:24

Generally agree re. conventional air freshener not being the nicest smelling, but the one we’ve got costs a little extra and is worth every penny.

OP posts:

Crinkle77 · 30/09/2025 17:24

Surely your FIL could try going before he leaves his house??

I find it bizarre that people think you can poo on demand.

Growlybear83 · 30/09/2025 17:24

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/09/2025 17:23

That made me snort.

Show quote history

Me too 🤣🤣

Shr3dding · 30/09/2025 17:23

nowinetimeforme · 30/09/2025 17:22

The poor guy has a routine! It’s hardly crime of the century. He’s having a shit at his son’s house, in the toilet.

Show quote history

Does everyone have a shit in other people's loos? Maybe I'm the outlier but I'd go out of my way to avoid that

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/09/2025 17:23

soupyspoon · 30/09/2025 17:22

There'll be a drip feed anytime now about him leaving a turd on the windowsill or something

Nothing in the OP is 'disgusting'

I wont use air freshner spray, its repulsive.

That made me snort.

ItstheHRTpat · 30/09/2025 17:23

Air freshner is awful stuff. Either open the window or leave on the extractor fan/light a match if no window. The rest would be annoying but Id ask dh to just wipe it up quickly after they left, after all it's only once a month!

Crinkle77 · 30/09/2025 17:23

Soap put back in the wrong place? You really need to unclench.

LemondrizzleShark · 30/09/2025 17:23

Princesspollyyy · 30/09/2025 17:17

Do your in laws travel very far to get to your house?? Surely your FIL could try going before he leaves his house??

Down that path lies this guy, who can only shit in a darkened basement in an empty building with a T-shirt wrapped around his head.

https://ask.metafilter.com/249560/Was-walked-in-while-doing-2-Feeling-violated-Any-ideas-what-to-do

soupyspoon · 30/09/2025 17:22

There'll be a drip feed anytime now about him leaving a turd on the windowsill or something

Nothing in the OP is 'disgusting'

I wont use air freshner spray, its repulsive.

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