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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask DH to tell FIL to stop using our loo if he can’t clean up after himself?

266 replies

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:01

We host my in-laws at least once a month for Sunday lunch and they pop round at various other points in the month.

Almost without fail, FIL will use the loo and it will be left in a disgusting state after - stinking as he hasn’t sprayed, water over the floor from where he hasn’t dried his hands properly and items such as the soap put back in the wrong place.

DH knows this greatly annoys me but won’t say anything - ‘oh, he’s stuck in his ways’ or ‘it’s only once a month’.

I’ve had enough quite frankly, and feel like it’s getting to ultimatum time.

OP posts:
ElectoralControversy · 30/09/2025 17:42

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:32

I haven’t heard the match suggestion before - sounds a recipe for disaster in an enclosed space surely?!

Big Air Freshener keep it hushed up 🧐

Rosscameasdoody · 30/09/2025 17:42

FancyCatSlave · 30/09/2025 17:05

What you have listed doesn’t sound like “disgusting state” to me.

Toilet full of shit, toilet roll on the floor, skids - yes you have every right to be annoyed.

Splashes of water and displaced soap is not disgusting.

Agree. If OP really wants to see disgusting she should come and look at my wet room after my mum (94, living with us, advanced dementia) has used it. I could teach a class !!

RowanRed90 · 30/09/2025 17:41

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 30/09/2025 17:10

Air fresher and shit smells worse than the shit.

Yes

PinkArt · 30/09/2025 17:41

Shr3dding · 30/09/2025 17:23

Does everyone have a shit in other people's loos? Maybe I'm the outlier but I'd go out of my way to avoid that

Show quote history

Of course people do! 😂 What on earth do you think a loo is designed for, other than the purpose of people weeing and pooing in it?!
I can't begin to imagine the damage people are doing to their bowels with all of the clenching required to avoid the apparent heinous crime of pooing in a toilet anywhere other than your own home

EnjoythemoneyJane · 30/09/2025 17:41

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:32

I haven’t heard the match suggestion before - sounds a recipe for disaster in an enclosed space surely?!

You could give it a go - if both he and the loo go off with a bang at least you won’t have to worry about the misplaced soap (you’ll probably find it in your dining room)

reluctantbrit · 30/09/2025 17:40

We don't use air freshner as DH has asthma and it's really annoying for him if people uses it every time they go to the toilet.
It's definitely not something most people in your PIL's generation grew up with so they may not realise that you think it's mandatory.

Just open the window when they are coming.

The rest - sorry, that's just normal

Notonthestairs · 30/09/2025 17:40

Oh I realise where this thread is going - or where the Op was hoping to steer it.
SHe wants to stop FIL from coming over.

Look if you dont want to host just say that. Dont dress it up as an issue with soap being in the wrong place (if its near the sink its in the right place BTW)

BrightSpark10 · 30/09/2025 17:39

I thought this will be about shit all over the toilet or something along those lines…. I’m quite disappointed actually 🤣🤣🤣

Do you seriously sprint in right after he’s been, clipboard in hand, checking for infractions? Why are you nitpicking?

And what’s the grand ultimatum going to be? “Either your father retrains in advanced sink etiquette, or he’s banned from ever visiting again” or “banish your father forever or I’m out”? 😆😆

Nanny0gg · 30/09/2025 17:39

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:21

There’s no window in that particular bathroom. We do have another downstairs one, but it’s generally not for guests and I wouldn’t dare let him loose in there.

Then it just smells of poo + spray Envy

Hankunamatata · 30/09/2025 17:38

It wouldnt occur for me to spray

As for water on floor and moved soap - thats really not a disgusting state. I thought you were going to say there was poo or wee everywhere

Buy a sensor aurfresher if your that fussed

ChimneyPot · 30/09/2025 17:38

Put a reed diffuser or something in that guest loo.

Original poster
Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:38

Househassles · 30/09/2025 17:37

Does shit smell worse coming from a larger person?

I would specifically ask/tell him to spray; lots of people wouldn't even notice that there's spray or think to use it in someone else's house unless there's an unusually bad smell and you're looking for something to try to neutralise it. And if he's causing a noticeable smell each time, he probably doesn't notice it or think it's unusual.

If it's genuinely bad, though, I think the fair compromise is for DH to nip in after FIL and clean up each time; it's not often and that way he doesn't have to confront his dad and you don't have to deal with the mess/smell.

In my experiences - yes, absolutely it does.

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 30/09/2025 17:38

Lastgig · 30/09/2025 17:37

We have five loos and I have three friends who insist on using the downstairs loo with no window. I drives me potty.
I have the biggest defuser and I now flick the fan on again if they're turned it off.
I do feel your pain as I do admit to a loo phobia.

Would you rather visitors traipsed upstairs rather than use the downstairs loo?

Devilsmommy · 30/09/2025 17:38

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/09/2025 17:07

Oh and some of us HATE air freshener. It reeks and gives people a headache.

Totally agree. I've got possible COPD and air freshener tightens my chest up so bad and I end up feeling like I'm coughing up a lung.

Notonthestairs · 30/09/2025 17:37

Another awful MN host.
What is it about some MNers that makes them so weirdly rigid?

You'll be counting crisps and complaining about them not doing the washing up next.

Househassles · 30/09/2025 17:37

Does shit smell worse coming from a larger person?

I would specifically ask/tell him to spray; lots of people wouldn't even notice that there's spray or think to use it in someone else's house unless there's an unusually bad smell and you're looking for something to try to neutralise it. And if he's causing a noticeable smell each time, he probably doesn't notice it or think it's unusual.

If it's genuinely bad, though, I think the fair compromise is for DH to nip in after FIL and clean up each time; it's not often and that way he doesn't have to confront his dad and you don't have to deal with the mess/smell.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/09/2025 17:37

I’m now down a rabbit hole…

Methane has an explosive range of approximately 5% to 15% by volume in air. This means that if the concentration of methane in a mixture with air falls below 5% (too lean) or above 15% (too rich), it will not explode. Only when the concentration is within this flammable window can a spark or ignition source cause an explosion.

A cow produces between 200 and 500 grams (or liters) of methane per day.

So a cow could explode your toilet.

The more you know.

Lastgig · 30/09/2025 17:37

We have five loos and I have three friends who insist on using the downstairs loo with no window. I drives me potty.
I have the biggest defuser and I now flick the fan on again if they're turned it off.
I do feel your pain as I do admit to a loo phobia.

nellly · 30/09/2025 17:36

FancyCatSlave · 30/09/2025 17:05

What you have listed doesn’t sound like “disgusting state” to me.

Toilet full of shit, toilet roll on the floor, skids - yes you have every right to be annoyed.

Splashes of water and displaced soap is not disgusting.

Yes I was thinking this. A bit of water from clean hands and the soap not where you like it is… fine?? I assumed you meant skid marks or loo roll that had missed the toilet being left

herbaceous · 30/09/2025 17:36

A match burns off the offending methane. There isn't enough to cause an explosion!

loobylou10 · 30/09/2025 17:36

I was ready to agree with you but a bit of water on the floor and soap out of place isn’t disgusting. I think you need to get a grip.

WatchThisGladys · 30/09/2025 17:35

I also thought this was going to be about someone spraying urine all over the floor and not cleaning it up, but actually, I don't think your FIL is doing anything wrong! YABU, I'm afraid.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/09/2025 17:34

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:32

I haven’t heard the match suggestion before - sounds a recipe for disaster in an enclosed space surely?!

It’s the most effective.

And no, your FIL doesn't produce enough methane to reach explosive air mixture levels. Unless he’s a herd of cows.

DontCallMeLenYouLittleBollix · 30/09/2025 17:33

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:32

I haven’t heard the match suggestion before - sounds a recipe for disaster in an enclosed space surely?!

I've never blown up a bog using that trick before.

Bumcake · 30/09/2025 17:33

Stop following him in for a sniff, and let your partner replace the soap. Problem solved!

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