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Original poster

To ask DH to tell FIL to stop using our loo if he can’t clean up after himself?

266 replies

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:01

We host my in-laws at least once a month for Sunday lunch and they pop round at various other points in the month.

Almost without fail, FIL will use the loo and it will be left in a disgusting state after - stinking as he hasn’t sprayed, water over the floor from where he hasn’t dried his hands properly and items such as the soap put back in the wrong place.

DH knows this greatly annoys me but won’t say anything - ‘oh, he’s stuck in his ways’ or ‘it’s only once a month’.

I’ve had enough quite frankly, and feel like it’s getting to ultimatum time.

OP posts:
Homegrownberries · 30/09/2025 20:40

This is not the hill you want to die on.

HausofHolbein · 30/09/2025 20:39

Come on people...

Don't feed the FIL:

  • unashamed fat shaming
  • another bathroom downstairs with adequate ventilation that CAN'T be used
  • pearl clutching to the nth degree
Overthewaytwice · 30/09/2025 20:30

Have you ever asked him to use the spray? Lots of people don't bother with them (probably because they make the area smell worse and are full of chemicals).

A bit of water on the floor and soap in the wrong place wouldn't particularly bother me... I thought you were going to say he left poo in the toilet bowl or peed on the seat. Honestly, this isn't worth upsetting a guest over. Especially when that guest is your partner's parent.

FinallyHere · 30/09/2025 20:29

@Notonthestairs

gets stuck in and … cleans the loo.

sorry, can’t think what else it could possibly have meant but there we go.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 30/09/2025 20:21

My SIL has a tasteful candle on the go in her bathroom when she has guests.

Notonthestairs · 30/09/2025 20:19

FinallyHere · 30/09/2025 20:10

This. Up to him whether he has a word or just gets stuck in. Fair enough.

Show quote history

Gets ‘stuck in’ to what?

Tryingatleast · 30/09/2025 20:13

Septemberending
There’s no window in that particular bathroom. We do have another downstairs one, but it’s generally not for guests and I wouldn’t dare let him loose in there.
Switch bathrooms- if the one without a window is the one only you use you’ll never have the smell problem again

bumblingbovine49 · 30/09/2025 20:11

EnjoythemoneyJane · 30/09/2025 17:30

Yeah, it’s really not. The smell of shit is unpleasant, but the smell of shit mingled with a toxic cloud of synthetic freesias is beyond gopping. Just open a window. Or, like my PILs, light a match - surprisingly effective and much less sickening. They kept a box in the loo for just that purpose.

Show quote history

Striking a match really does work a lot better than sprays in my opinion too.

Anyway, what is described in the Op as disgusting really is not. It is just normal toilet use.

FinallyHere · 30/09/2025 20:10

TrustedTheWrongFart · 30/09/2025 17:03

Make it DHs problem…. he cleans the loo after his old man.

This. Up to him whether he has a word or just gets stuck in. Fair enough.

Sjkeb · 30/09/2025 20:10

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:25

Only about 20 minutes. I’ve made this point to DH too and got shrugged shoulders.

He’s a big chap these days so the smell is genuinely repulsive.

Show quote history

"He's a big chap so the smell is genuinely repulsive"
Jeez I've heard it all now. Big people and small people's shit smells the same. If his shit stinks it's more related to the state of his gut than his size. This comment does not make you come across at all well.

Ivygold · 30/09/2025 20:05

What a totally misleading thread title. Nothing about this sounds unclean? The floor is wet - from water that came from the tap… just needs to be dried. I’m not sure how soap being in the wrong place or using air freshener relates to hygiene either…

Iwantmyoldnameback · 30/09/2025 20:05

My grandparents had air freshener spray in their toilets and would be well over a hundred if they were still alive.
I am amazed someone as prissy as the OP has a loo with no window, gross!
I burn a candle in my bathroom when I know we are having guests

Strangerthanfictions · 30/09/2025 20:00

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:01

We host my in-laws at least once a month for Sunday lunch and they pop round at various other points in the month.

Almost without fail, FIL will use the loo and it will be left in a disgusting state after - stinking as he hasn’t sprayed, water over the floor from where he hasn’t dried his hands properly and items such as the soap put back in the wrong place.

DH knows this greatly annoys me but won’t say anything - ‘oh, he’s stuck in his ways’ or ‘it’s only once a month’.

I’ve had enough quite frankly, and feel like it’s getting to ultimatum time.

I am easily grossed out so I do have sympathy but some water on the floor from hand washing and a smell that will pass is not the height of disgusting and being left in a state. At least he is using hand wash. If there was urine about the place and the toilet being left unclean I could see your point but this is mild and very easily sorted out

Makemineacosmo · 30/09/2025 19:59

Petrolitis · 30/09/2025 19:47

Odfod.

What a horrible fat shaming comment.

I've been up and down through my life and my shit smells the same.

You sound like a mean and nasty piece of work

Show quote history

Agreed.

wizzywig · 30/09/2025 19:58

As in it be making his smells extra whiffy

theDudesmummy · 30/09/2025 19:57

Put a scented (or even unscented) candle in the loo and light it before they come over.

BrownTroutBluesAgain · 30/09/2025 19:57

wizzywig · 30/09/2025 19:56

It might be what you are cooking that isnt agreeing with him

How does what she’s cooking have anything to do with not putting the soap back exactly in place 🤣

wizzywig · 30/09/2025 19:56

It might be what you are cooking that isnt agreeing with him

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 30/09/2025 19:54

thereneverwasacloudyday · 30/09/2025 18:44

Simple: DH talks to his dad OR DH immediately follows him into the loo and sorts out the mess.

You're not the maid.

Sort out what? Soap in the wrong place? Water on the floor?

BrownTroutBluesAgain · 30/09/2025 19:52

FancyCatSlave · 30/09/2025 17:05

What you have listed doesn’t sound like “disgusting state” to me.

Toilet full of shit, toilet roll on the floor, skids - yes you have every right to be annoyed.

Splashes of water and displaced soap is not disgusting.

Agree
I really thought this was going to involve poo on the seat or something

Non event for me.

vdbfamily · 30/09/2025 19:52

Septemberending · 30/09/2025 17:32

I haven’t heard the match suggestion before - sounds a recipe for disaster in an enclosed space surely?!

Always match boxes in all toilets in my family. It neutralises bad smells and no nasty chemicals

EmeraldShamrock000 · 30/09/2025 19:52

He obviously feels very comfortable having an after dinner dump, leaving the smelly aroma to float around the living area.
I admit I'm extra sensitive to this, my late DF wouldn't open a window, he leave the door wide open afterwards, defiance. 🤮
Everyone shits but it isn't pleasant and should be private with minium impact on the host.
His digestive system must be fast.

Aluna · 30/09/2025 19:52

You could always install an extractor fan. Or an ejector seat.

namechangedohmy · 30/09/2025 19:52

Id love this to be what a disgusting toilet looks like! Soap dish, water splashes? That’s all fine. I’d be soooo happy with this. I deal with horrors I won’t even write down as it’s horrid.

SushiForMe · 30/09/2025 19:48

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 30/09/2025 19:46

Husband needs to clean uo after his father if he doesn't want to address it

Have you read the OP?? The only thing to ‘clean’ are a few drops of water on the floor.

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