To ask DH to tell FIL to stop using our loo if he can’t clean up after himself?

The soap is put back in the wrong place? 😲😲😲😲
I'd go no contact. He sounds toxic.

Weirdo. 🙄

This. Not worth raising an issue over once a month. Your DH has to deal with it - either he cleans up or he raises the issue.

We never use airfreshener because it's full of chemicals and we prefer not to breathe those in. Also, several in our family have (mild) asthma and some allergies, we try and keep the air as natural as possible. I do put drops of essential oil on the inside of the loo-rolls, our bathroom smells nice enough. After a poo we flush well and open the window.

I have voted yanbu but the mess you describe isn't disgusting imo. Now my late in-laws left the downstairs loo in a disgusting state and my dh would always clean up after them. Our eldest is disabled and lives downstairs so mainly uses that loo and he didn't want her stepping or sitting in anything they left.
When my fil moved very nearby we actually banned him from using it and made him go home. May sound mean but it was beyond a joke how he left it.

Poo stains down the pan is one thing you fail to mention so if that's not an issue then suck it up buttercup.

You sound really mean OP. I can't imagine noticing letting alone giving a flying fuck about anything you've mentioned. I'd find the combined smell of crap and Airwick or whatever far worse than the poo.

My FiL (who is a bit eccentric and who I love!) used to often be found having a piss in my flower border outside the kitchen door on arrival rather than go to the loo (“it’s good for the flowers”), and now he is in his 80s I am pretty sure he wees in the small hand sink rather than the loo in the downstairs toilet. Rank old goat but would never raise with him. Have made husband clean up in the past though!

I think you are unreasonable!

Him Not using a spray... remember that for some using spray after a poo isn't a usual thing and is probably generational. Air spray freshener is a relatively new thing as aerosol sprays for loos would have been unusual in the 1950's/60's and maybe even 70's. If they don't use them in their house he probably wouldn't think to use one at yours. Also would you really go to someone's house and use their air freshener without asking? Some people have allergies etc. or hate using it.

Water on the floor - is towel close to the sink?

Soap in wrong place - couldn't get worked up about that!

Yabu. Just have a scented candle lit in there when they visit and get DH to move the soap back and wipe up the water. What a fuss over nothing

We don’t use aerial chemical sprays so I’d not use one in someone else’s house. They smell worse than what they are trying to mask and are gross. Moving soap and washing hands a bit vigorously are hardly an issue.

Not possible in some cases, medical conditions etc. and I don't get all the fuss. Check the loo, wash your hands, put everything back and use air freshener if no window. I hate the stuff but each to their own.

YABU - This is such a first world problem! 🙄 So there’s a bit of water on the floor (it’ll soon dry) and “items such as the soap are put back in the wrong place” 😳 Jeeez you sound like hard work! So move them back to the right place after they’ve gone. It’s not a big deal! Can you actually hear yourself?

If he often leaves it smelly, I’d just joke “I hope you’ve used the air freshener this time!” and wink. I’m sure he’d soon get the message. I’m with your husband. Stop making it such a drama and why would you want to make him feel uncomfortable?

Air fresheners are a trigger for my asthma, and unlike yours, my shit does stink. Don't worry, I won't come over!

Have you accepted you're being unreasonable yet, OP?

I'd say open the window, those sprays are full of chemicals wouldn't want him to spray anything.

OP says "water over the floor from where he hasn’t dried his hands properly"

Assuming he isn't cupping water in his hands and chucking it over the side of the sink then it's probably no more than a few drops, or maybe a couple of splashes if he hasn't shaken his hands off in the sink.

Would you really be annoyed if I picked up the soap from the right had side of the sink and put it back on the left?

And do you regard both of these as 'not cleaning up after yourself'?

I expect my guests to leave the bathroom clean and ready for the next person.

I don't understand 'soap in the wrong place'. If it's on the basin, surely that's the 'right' place? If it's in the bath, under the rug, half-way down the stairs or put out with the bins, that would be 'wrong'.

And yes water all over the floor and misplaced soaps would annoy me. Why would you do that if you’re a guest in someone’s house?!

If the smell bothers you you could put one of those cleaning tablets in the cistern when he visits. A little water on the floor and soap moved is nothing. Perhaps you just don’t like or welcome him.

We dont have a spray thing, maybe he's not familiar with it, like others say, light a candle and chill

Like PP, we have a box of matches in the loo. Light a match, blow it out, smell is gone.

If there is no visible poo anywhere, it's fine.

Air freshener is a class thing ... many would rather smell poo.

He doesn’t need to clean the loo.

The Op complained about the soap being turned the wrong way, drips of water on the floor and a bad smell.

Light a match. No ‘getting stuck in’ required.

Why? Are you even less tolerant of splashes of water and misplaced soap in the 'not to be used' toilet?

He would be forgiven for starting a daughter-in-law horror thread!

Most bathrooms/toilets are designed so that they can tolerate splashes of water from the taps, shower, bath, people...I don't know....moving their wet hands from the sink to the towel! If it's drips from his washed hands it is not unhygienic.
Putting the soap in the wrong place is also not unhygienic.

Doing a poo in a toilet is not unhygienic.

Have some respect for him. He is family and a guest in your home and him using your bathroom leads you to insult him and call him unhygienic.

It’s not because it then smells like flowered covered shit and lingers. It’s also toxic and awful for you.