Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My 1 year old is perfectly normal?

64 replies

LivingOnCoffee567 · 30/09/2025 15:08

I have a 13 month old who has just learned how to walk well and is normally very happy. I live overseas and came home, travelled 21 hours with DD, to come see family. Journey was surprisingly smooth. Staying at my parents who are normally lovely. I'm working remotely for 2 weeks then have holiday so I need them to watch her for a few hours a day these 2 weeks. I came at their insistence that they want to spend time with her, that they want to watch her etc etc. They are retired but young (50s) and fit.

It's only been 2 days (arrived Saturday evening) and my parents are on my case calling her a bad baby, me a bad parent, telling me I'm spoiling her, that she lacks discipline and she must have ADHD because:

  • she is very high energy and loves walking but doesn't walk where you want her to
  • she falls too much and bumps herself a lot (you have to watch her like a hawk)
  • she made a mess at lunch, some food ended up on the floor.
  • she briefly cries when you (i) put her in the car seat or the pram, (ii) put a tshirt on her (iii) sees something she wants and can't reach
  • she wakes up crying at night (she's teething and she's jet lagged)
  • she has really bad separation anxiety suddenly. Well, yeah, in my opinion she's travelled long haul, her dad isn't here, she doesn't know my parents, this isn't her house, toys etc. She needs at least a week to settle, I think.

My dad is in a foul mood and actually left the living room last night and refused to spend time with us.

They both said other babies just sit there and play and you can read books to them and feed them in peace and are nice to be around.

I said they're imagining a much older kid. A 1 year old does not have the capacity to sit and play by herself or sit nicely for books on command (she actually loves it when you read to her but they're interrupting her play to force her to sit down and she obviously hates that).

She also wanted to stand in the bath and my mum forced her to sit and all hell broke loose. My baby loves water normally, all water, and after 2 days with my mum she now hates bath time 😡

I'm pretty sure I'm right but does anyone here have a 1 year old that just sits??? Apparently I was a magical toddler who never cried or caused a mess. They've probably forgotten everything. I've had 2 full days of being criticised now and I'm ready to pack my bags.

OP posts:
Whatwouldnanado · 30/09/2025 15:40

Your dad has forgotten what toddlers are like and the fact they are all different. She sounds fine to me.

Katiesaidthat · 30/09/2025 15:40

Sorry, your parents´s list of what´s wrong with her made me laugh. Perfectly normal 13 month old. Reason with a 13 month old? They clearly remember older kids...I am 51 and my child is 7, for reference.

smileymylie25 · 30/09/2025 15:39

BertieBotts · 30/09/2025 15:16

Is she tall for her age? I think people tend to have higher behaviour expectations when a child looks older.

Yes this!! My 18m DS could pass as a 3 year old and the amount of comments I get when he’s having a meltdown because people just expect more going off how he looks. Drives me absolutely insane

Kelticgold · 30/09/2025 15:39

I found GP develop selective memory when GC arrive.

Anycrispsleft · 30/09/2025 15:35

One of my daughters at that age would have sat with you all day if you chatted to her and read her books.

The other, her twin, rarely sat down while she was awake and wasn't interested in books until she was about 4 and a half.

I spent many days of their early lives trying to talk to the one kid while I chased the other one round the park 😀

I'm approaching 50 and I think I will be fine but see if my kids bring home their babies (in like 10 years... they're just teenagers) and my husband shows this sort of lack of memory on exactly what it was like looking after a baby/toddler he'll be getting corrected at the earliest opportunity!

EnchantedToMeetYou2 · 30/09/2025 15:34

BertieBotts · 30/09/2025 15:16

Is she tall for her age? I think people tend to have higher behaviour expectations when a child looks older.

@BertieBotts Completely agree!! DS is a tall child who was an earlyish walker (10 months) and took to talking very quickly 🙄
People have always had ridiculously high expectations of him.

Snorlaxo · 30/09/2025 15:33

Your parents clearly don’t know what 1 year olds are like or are remembering an older version of you (or your siblings) and thinking that you were one at the time.

I think that this visit will help you feel less guilty about not being able to travel home regularly. Your dd sounds very normal to me.

nosleepforme · 30/09/2025 15:32

Yup they’ve forgotten. I’d rent somewhere else or go home

Talkingfrog · 30/09/2025 15:29

Banbury.
Your DD sounds like a perfectly normal 13 month old to me.
Just as no 2 adilts are the same, no 2 toddlers are the same. They develop at different speeds and at 13 months they will be capable of different things. Eg Some will be very steady on their feet so running, some very cautious and others not really walking at all. All can be normal and eventually things will level out. A child that will sit and listen to a story gor longer, may not be such a good walker. A child better at walking mat not want or be able to sit and listen to a story.
Sounds to me as if your parent's expectation of life with a 13 month old is different to reality.

BertieBotts · 30/09/2025 15:16

Is she tall for her age? I think people tend to have higher behaviour expectations when a child looks older.

BertieBotts · 30/09/2025 15:14

Lol. You can't diagnose ADHD in a 1yo so they are being ridiculous. She sounds like a lovely, healthy, happy toddler.

We did always try to get them to sit in the bath though - I worried about slipping over. But on holiday when they're all out of routine is not the time for a relative stranger to be trying to enforce behaviour issues.

childofthe607080s · 30/09/2025 15:13

I am quite sure some very small babies will just sit quiet but it’s not abnormal to have a more lively one
I see it as positive

outingouting · 30/09/2025 15:13

Your daughter sounds super easy and lovely to be around.

dontcomeatme · 30/09/2025 15:12

This is my parents. They won't spend time with my 2 DS because they're "clearly ADHD or just really naughty" 🙄
Hand hold because its shit. Your DD sounds amazing. Doesn't look like this visit is going to improve any time soon. They have clearly forgotten what LOs are like!

Swipe left for the next trending thread