My 1 year old is perfectly normal?

Actually - My ds would just sit there at that age and be nonissue and was silent. He’s autistic. So it’s actually entirely the opposite of what your parents think. I was (rightly) worried because it’s wasn’t “normal” at that age and your DD sounds perfectly delightful and very typical of an small child (not even yet a toddler) out of their routine and environment - actually quite typical of one in their usual routine and environment tbh!

Sounds similar to my situation.

What jumps out at me is the fact that you flew for 21 hours with a 13 month old. I've done this. It's no mean feat, even when everything goes to plan! Do your parents take this into consideration?

What really jumps out at me is that fact that your parents don't expect their routine to change at all. Your dad, taking his ball home, in the kitchen refusing to speak??! Is he the toddler?

At that age children determine absolutely any situation, because they are children. It's not naughtiness, or ADHD, it's infance.

You can't expect to be lounging in the living room quietly with a glass of wine whilst the toddler sits still for hours happily playing. You have to get up off the couch, you have to clean up the mess, and yes you have to expect that your routine is challenged!!

Completely normal! They’ve probably built up an idea in their heads of what the visit would be like but perhaps they could adjust their expectations. She’s one and far from home. It definitely sounds like you were extremely easy or they never travelled with you or time has simply turned on the rose-tinted glasses and they’ve forgotten the reality of a very young child. They’re exhausting!

As Granny to a 1 year old, I can confirm that your child sounds totally normal and lovely. I would admit thought that a year ago If someone had asked e what 1 year olds are like I would.t have had a clue as it's well over 25 years since I had any regular dealings with any. Your parents need to take in the possibility that it's their memories that are at fault, not your parenting.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things OP, some people, old and young, have unrealistic ideas about what small kids are like.

What I really wanted to say tho, was that your comment your parents is legendary!! 😂

That was exactly how much DD was when she had just turned one. She's two now and has no signs at all of being neurodiverse unlike me. Tell your parents to shut up. You can't possibly know that a 1 year old has adhd.

I can’t remember ever meeting a baby (whether mobile or not) who would just sit and play quietly and not make some mess when eating. Or one who wasn’t likley to cry a bit (or a lot!) under the circumstances you describe … what else are they supposed to do before they can talk?
Maybe there are some like this but surely they’re the exception?

Yes, your Dd sounds perfectly normal and I think your parents are thinking of a MUCH older child. Sounds like your Dd did amazingly on such a long flight and of course she’ll be a bit out of sorts with a huge jet lag/time difference, her dad not there, and in a new place with people who (even if close family) she doesn’t know.

I hope your parents chill out and realise this. If not, you power through for this trip and know not to do this again.

My 18 month old has had to go on an hour of walks a day since she could walk at 11 months.

Some children are naturally active and should be encouraged.

I wouldn’t have entrusted my baby with people she’s not met or had time to adapt to personally. I’d see if you can have annual leave as it’s not fair to her.

Your parents sound like the children should be seen and not heard types.

They’re in their 50s… as am I with young active teens. Many of my friends are teachers, childminders or work with young children all day.

my DH and I would have no issues with looking after a lively toddler all day, as my PiL did at the same age when they have both of mine for a week every summer.

They sound hypercritical and deluded by the fantasy/distorted memories of what raising their own daughter was like.

@LivingOnCoffee567 I know you are trying to WFT for part of the day, but I wonder whether cutting short the ‘holiday’ and going home/rescheduling a holiday later in the year wouldn’t be easier at this point?

That sounds like a nightmare! Yes, your DC is totally normal!

Visiting my in-laws when DS was tiny was quite similar. He was totally freaked out by being in a new place with new people and wanted to be held by me or DH all the time, woke up screaming throughout the night because the bed was different, and totally freaked out of anyone other than us tried to hold him. For a full 2 weeks.

It didn't help at all that my in-laws had very fixed ideas about how a baby should be and how they wanted to interact with him, none of which he liked. Those were long, stressful trips!

Fair enough - good luck with it and I hope things do settle down.

I meant to say earlier, she absolutely does sound perfectly normal, bless her, and fair play to you doing that journey on your own with a toddler! Not sure I could have managed that one!

Your baby sounds perfectly normal for her age. Your parents however do not sound perfectly normal. How rude and unhelpful, especially after you have travelled all that way to spend time with them. I think they have an idealisation in their head and it’s just not realistic. Maybe because you were an only child they’ve just had a limited experience a fair while ago now and forgotten what it’s like. I would have a chat with them and explain that their viewpoint is unrealistic and unhelpful.

Ha, no. One year olds do not just sit around. She sounds perfectly normal and lovely and your parents sound totally unreasonable and grumpy.

I'm a grandmother and I can't tell you how excited I would be in their situation. I certainly wouldn't be slagging off the baby! For god's sake, what are they thinking of? How likely is it that you'd want to visit again?

Yes your child is perfectly normal.

As to whether they are neuodivergent, probably too young to tell. But if they were, they would still be normal.

Baby sounds perfectly normal and I’d be livid if my parents talked about my baby like this and refused to be around her!!

I’m in my 40s and can’t abide long meals in restaurants so I can’t imagine expecting a 1 year old to cope! Your DD sounds fine, they sound like they’ve forgotten what very young children are like, especially when plonked in a new environment with people they don’t really know

Can you ask the Nanny to fly out and rent somewhere nearby?

Or at this point, just go home (to be fair, I would in your position)

@LivingOnCoffee567 do you think you've been a bit naive? Expecting two middle aged strangers to your lively baby to be up to caring for her for several hours a day straight off? To me 2 weeks holiday first while they got to know her and her ways and routines with you, then the 2 weeks wfh while they cared for her would have stood a much better chance of success. Not sure if it can be resolved now really unless you can juggle your work schedule.

Mine sat there and played quietly until they learnt to be mobile!!!

I would take delight in telling your parents that DC wasn’t like that/didn’t to x until you dragged them away to a complete new place and subjected them to grandparents they don’t know and don’t have the patience or understanding to get to know her.

@BertieBotts I would agree with this. My little boy is 17 months, tall and 97th percentile and I definitely feel this