It’s all such bloody hard work

@Bryonyberries Great post. The ability to be bored and get self out of boredom is vanishing. We do kids a diservice here. One long dopamine hit plus the rigours of school plus coughs and colds. A recipe for disaster.

9pm finish for a 5 year old? I'd be declining

@TheaBrandt1 I'd say it's usual, if your primary child has been away a few nights to want to spend the evening with them, chatting about what they had done. I can remember coming home from Colomendy in the 70's and my Mum, who wasn't particularly maternal and worked full time, doing a special tea. Then there's the washing.

This is an example of what the OP keeps answering. My primary GC's homework is all online. The school apps are seesaw, then there's parent pay. Everything went online during Covid (so those starting school 2020/21, now year 4-6 were affected) and many schools stayed online because they have to include tech as part of the curriculum. It's a module in high school. The shops I shopped in with my teens, Tammy girl, International, Top shop etc no longer exist. Unless you have markets, there's primark and New look and that's it, for teen affordability. The choice has been taken away. Your can now only opt out so far.

Remember when Dd late primary a friends band was playing and a group of us were going 8pm start. Then one mum pipes up she can’t possibly go as the kids (then 10) were getting back from their (3 day) school residential. The other mums all agreed of course we were needed at home that night.

Blew my mind. Kids got back at 3pm ish us parents were to dance attendance on them all evening foregoing our own plans? Cannot imagine my own parents doing that.

In my case it got easier at 8yrs old mark. Easier, in terms of being more self-sufficient and entertaining themselves if I have to catch-up on work (at 6 yrs old it would have led to a massive act of sabotage).
I agree with you re higher expectations from parents, both from children's side and other parents. A friend was suffering recently through a decision to host a small low-key birthday get together vs usual "all class in gambado" do.
Part of it is also us, parents reliving experiences we didn't have through our children.

How many floor length fabric skirts does your child own? I’m not sure they even exist, Vinted didn’t turn anything up - ditto ‘shawls’ - hardly an everyday wardrobe item for a year 3 child

The answer to this is the same its bloody always been. You ask around locally and borrow the character skirt off a girl who does ballet!!

Or my mum literally sewed one from a worn out navy blue bedsheet. A skirt made out of cotton like that, with a piece of elastic waistband is really easy and takes about an hour.

Loads of things work as a shawl. Those extra large baby muslins, or an old baby receiving blanket like they put the baby in at the hospital, or a cellular blanket.

It doesn't have to look perfect

I genuinely can’t understand what you think is smug about it or why you’d have an issue with some families travelling a lot.
The OP is talking about feeling hemmed in by the expectation of centring the kids always and like trying to do the stuff she enjoys is impossible as the kids don’t like it and will spoil it. If it was a post saying how everything is unaffordable I’d get your point a bit but it really isn’t so I really don’t. It’s just true that as kids get older they have wider interests and it’s loads easier to do adventurous or adult centric holidays, days out etc. I think it can be hard to see things will change when you are in the thick of the toddler and preschool years as it’s very full on and it can be helpful to have someone remind you it won’t be like that forever.

Im not doing this shit!

My mum gave me a ham sandwich, cucumber, yogurt & fruit in my packed lunch. My kids get the same. Penguin on fridays!

My kids slept in their own rooms and beds from a few months old. They didn't often wake at night after age 2 or so. When they did they were resettled in their own beds not ours.

I dont buy expensive birthday cakes. I make them just like my mum did.

I make mine play out in the garden or with each other (they are 6 & 8). They are not allowed to hover round pestering me. The robot hoovers while i read a book. Yay progress!

The parties - i think we do similar things to what we did when i was a kid. I remember doing ice skating parties, swimming, bouncy castles at the leisure centre, childrens discos. My kids have done similar.

I do think screens are a problem and have really damaged kids attention spans.

Also too many parents are stretched juggling full time work and hour long commutes because all the jobs are in cities but houses anywhere nearby are too expensive. It doesn't leave enough time for family life - meals together around a table, parents supporting homework and hearing their child offload about the events of the day. There needs to be a shift to an expectation that one or both parents work part time whild children are under 10 - 24 -30 hours a week rather than 35 -40.

There were a lot of very unhealthy snacks in the 90s! Absolute era of monster much and panda pops!

If you look at human history we haven't always eaten three meals a day. It's quite a modern thing probably based on fitting around factory working schedules. Everyone is different anyway- some people are just grazers.
I just can't get too stressed about healthy snacking and cosleeping personally but I hate the expectation of buying lots of stuff and completely overscheduling kids.

Ah I like the co sleeping but the rest I agree with you on.

My biggest things at the moment are - the pressure to eat less UPF, but then that costs more. Then eating together each evening, but also wanting to go out to exercise so I can be a healthy and fit mum for them, plus take them to after school activities so they can stay healthy and fit themselves. The constant mum guilt from working and sending them to childcare but I have no alternative, so then feeling like I need to limit myself in terms of what time I spend either with myself or just with my partner so that I can always be there for them when not at work. Birthday parties is a big one, we did bowling last year but it still added up.

It’s all a bit much.

Well, many of us have raised more than one 3yo with neither gentle parenting nor corporal punishment - but still decent toddlers. I mean, expectations have to be low for a human who possibly is still shitting their pants. They’re utterly unformed humans. But it’s good for them and their parents to know what expectations can be met; that actions have consequences and after the first, second, third warning those consequences get worse. Distraction works a lot. Corralling works well. Giving choices between two things of the parents’ choosing works well. But - they will shout, cry, jump, break things, be utterly ridiculous. They’re puppies who need training. Carrot and stick (obvs not literally), boundaries and lots of attention to YOUR timetable. It is possible. Many of us can attest to it!

Well I didn’t say any of those things but I get you need to read between the lines to achieve the required level of indignation in your response!

lunch at 1.30 after an 8.30 school start is ridiculous isn’t it? I would be eating the wallpaper.

as for adults normalising snacking with Graze etc - I think this is where the rot (ie sugar, salt etc) creeps in. An apple or a piece of good bread etc is fine - processed crap in processed packaging is…not. In my book anyway.

Mine are late teens now, but our house/life wasn't like that. Sounds OTT and not great for anyone. My DM made me fresh sandwiches and sometimes gave me soup in a flask though. In the early 1980s.

5&6

Many children are kept engaged constantly in age appropriate environments such as childcare and school that they don’t see the real world of house work, shopping etc that children would have seen a generation back. They don’t get down time and a chance to get bored and follow their own interests. Their time is tightly regulated.

We have had full time children in our childcare setting that always seem confident and outgoing yet when you take them for a trip outside the setting they turn into the shy, least confident ones where their peers who only do a couple of days a week become the confident ones as they are out and about more.

I think this, along with screens and phones, have had a real factor in how long they can concentrate and how quickly they want to move onto other things. A lot of adults don’t give young children their full attention as they are on their own phones. It makes me sad when I see children wheeled around shops watching a phone or tablet. Even 20years back the parent would have had no choice but to engage them in shopping to prevent them from becoming fussy.

Well no, they aren’t, but that’s why this blanket ‘huh snacks, what are these things called snacks, snacks didn’t even exist before 2015’ is more than a bit misleading!

It’s perfectly acceptable for children to be offered a healthy snack at nursery / school. I teach in a secondary school so it’s a bit different but the kids are registered at 830 and lunch isn’t until half one so five hours is a long time for a kid, even a teenager.

The snack market for adults as well as children is huge: Graze boxes and the like. I know a lot of children will snack a lot and not really eat much if any of their meals, which obviously isn’t great.

"They hover round you 24/7 demanding things while you try in vain to do the 100 housework tasks that need doing."

Delegate the housework tasks to them. They'll soon stop hovering round.

I think this was aimed at me? What you’ve described sounds good and is what I would do. I suspect that the ‘snack’ elements are not this simple for many families though

Awww @lifeonmars100that sounds like such a lovely holiday! They really don’t need much, do they. I do agree with the OP though, that social media is leading us to believe that we need to do more.
I just don’t care. 🤣 I have my own big birthday coming up, and it’ll be in a village hall with sandwiches, a pop up bar and our own playlist! No balloon arch and instagrammable decor in sight. 😂

for kids how old?

@Uggbootsforever @lastdayofseptember

well then I take back my apology for noting my post sounded dismissive. Different things are hard and relentless for different people in different ways.

So much respect for the women who just called it straight off and ditched. I’m quite direct and can never fathom why women beat around the bush so much!

It has to do with a smug attitude . Hey ho.