It’s all such bloody hard work

It's not just in the UK either. I'm connected to lots of South Americans who I also have on SM because of my child's family. Mostly poor families who live on farms. The grandparents there complained to me how there's the expectation to throw extravagant parties for birthdays and gift iPhones and make up to teenagers. Some of the kids contacted me directly asking for these things since I'm a rich relative in their eyes. The grandparents said this is totally new and they insinuated they find the younger generation really entitled. They grew up working on the farm from a very young age, now the children don't want to help and want to leave to live with richer relatives in the city if they can do they can buy things. They're much more materialistic. But to me the parents are encouraging this somehow as they don't want their child to be the one 'without'. These are families that struggle with covering food and basics and some live in incredibly basic housing, but they make a lot of effort with birthdays and balloon arches and presents and outfits which they post online.

I also felt this pressure myself even though my child is a toddler but his last birthday I kept very simple - although I'm sure the pressure will mount as he grows.

I think it's the influence on social media making everyone superficial. We should be concentrating on what genuinely is fun rather than what looks like it is and not exhausting or wasting money on vanity projects.

In days gone past people used to beat their children. And there were latchkey kids. Things change.

LOL!!!! It's true tho isn't it. When we were kids (I'm assuming here we're from the 80's) everything was much simpler. You played outside on your bike riding up and down the same road all day and birthdays were pass the parcel with "none of this present in every layer" and it was FUN! Now we feel pressure to do so much more. I found myself doing a GRAZING table for my 1yo birthday party a few years ago. I meannnnn....

My local primary school had to stop the annual dress up day for world book day such was the level of competition between parents to make from scratch elaborate costumes. Not a store bought costume in sight. Everything was hand made to a ridiculous extent such that the small minority of childen whose mothers and fathers didn’t engage in this sew down felt bereft and the whole thing had to be stopped.

I think the balance is to drink when thirsty. We've evolved a thirst reflex for a reason. What I see around me is people telling kids to drink rather than ensuring they can when they need to.

I remember, a long time ago perhaps going to two birthday parties in the early 60s. I think I asked my mum for one, but it now I realise it was economically impossible. I remember asking for mum to provide sandwiches for friends, but they didn’t turn up, I did remember asking Mum to provide sandwiches for friends, but they didn’t turn up. I didn’t understand social protocols, and it was an economic disaster, wasted food! For a woman who had lived through WW2 rationing that was heartfelt. I still “clear my plate” waste is obscene!

the Green movement was fully in place domestically in WW2 and the 1950s

I agree - didn’t mean to suggest it was.

Just bizarre really - I don’t think we knew about thirst or to ask for a drink, it only came with meals…!

To this day I’m not sure I’ve ever seen my parents have a glass of water, so it persists among that generation.

Landfill. Disgusting. Send your landfill money elsewhere.

I remember school milk in little bottles being brought into the classroom in crates for break time. Showing my age now !

my friends with grand children tell me that the kids do exactly what they want, it’s all revolves around them, and the insta, social media pressure is a bit much. I’m not looking forward to having grand children as Id feel so sorry for them all.

This post is so relatable.
Too tired to add much else.....

Honestly cant keep up so I just dont.
My PiLs recently said they think my DD age 3 is bored and needs "more stimulation"
She has nursery 3 full days a week, goes to other classes on 3 other days. Plus other activities... can she not just be bored sometimes!

That really wasn’t a good thing either.

I do agree the pendulum has swung in the other direction re water but honestly, i remember being so thirsty as a child! We had the just one cup of water too and a fountain but no bottle or cup so you had to just gulp water straight from it and get your blouse wet!

I was thinking about the costume thing. Do people not have dressing up boxes anymore?
As a kid we always did, so when mine were small we had one too. Stuff my mum gave me, bits I picked up in charity shops ( we had a community shop which was genuinely cheap). If I saw, say, striped black and white leggings I’d think “ ooh, pirate” and get it for the box. So when book day/ nativity/ Halloween came around I’d have a rummage and adapt stuff. Also all kinds of hats, tiaras, beads, bits of fur.
I do quite like making costumes tho. Word got round and other mums would ring me because they heard I might have an elf outfit or whatever!
I actually still have the dressing up stuff, in case grandchildren 😃

I was out of the country for a week and DH sent our then 5 yr old into school with a small bag of nuts as a snack (he just wasn't thinking/wouldnt do it again!). He was definitely made to feel like a criminal and the offending snack was bagged and given back to him. The last bit of your post reminded me of that.

Yeah I agree!

I don’t remember being offered drinks, nor asking for them. My parents said they used to avoid giving us them as it would mean we needed the toilet.

So very strange compared to the constant hydration obsession today.

I mean - water bottles on the table at school. We were allowed one small cup of water at lunch and that was it for the day.

OP I honestly couldn’t agree more. I find it all so very hard. My 4yo DS wakes me every single night. Without fail. If I leave him he shouts and shouts and wakes the 2yo and then both of them are awake looking for me. I feel constant pressure to provide them with the best most nutritious food, language and books, only reasonably okay tv like CBeebies. It is absolutely relentless. All while working and trying to keep up with washing, cleaning, cooking. I have never known burn out or exhaustion like it . It is at times unbearably hard when things like illness are factored in. I know this time will pass but I would quite honestly give my right arm for a consistent nights sleep and a break from the constant feeling of overwhelm

Where are you seeing lunch boxes?!
99percent of the ones at my school have total shit in them.

I would have starved if they made us have packed lunches like they do now, I left primary school in 2009. My packed lunch was a ham, chicken and stuffing or tikka sandwich, or crackers with butter (I was fussy😂) a biscuit, a packet of crisps and a yogurt at a push. Now it’s crazy. Could you try your child on school dinners so it’s one less thing for you to do?

Every party was lavish and special, every play date was so much ‘fun’ and the effort I put into my dc was totally over the top. I am actually embarrassed now when I think about it. I was just so excited. So happy to be creating magical moments, that I lost sight of keeping things realistic. Keep things simple. Low key. Relaxed. Don’t make a rod for your own back.

In your 2nd post I know what you mean about school dress up days, with me and my own kids it was non uniform days. You spend a fortune on school uniforms and the school have at least 2 non uniform days per year. As a child I dreaded non uniform days - went in my school uniform and was ribbed by everyone except my own friends, who knew what the situation was. Then I had my own kids, and you have to find money for the charity donation, then it was £1 minimum, but think more than 1 child, and then send them in a decent outfit that they won't be mocked for wearing.

Turf them out while it’s daylight (if they’re old enough) with their matea and let them have a childhood - this still happens here and it’s all to the benefit of the kids who grow up to proper independence and resilience.

Yes! Also the constant water chugging we're supposed to encourage. We used to pretty much eat and drink at meal times and now food and water need to be a continuous supply.

My LO is only 9 months old and already i feel bombarded with stuff like this. Social media is definitely a big factor. The baby equivalent is all about 'wake windows' & sleep schedules, Baby led weaning with all these elaborate meals, tummy time & various over the top activities etc. As a relatively new mum, just getting through day to day is sometimes hard enough without all of this sort of stuff!

DD used to be a regular middle-of-the-night climber in until about 3 years old @Uggbootsforever I think we turned a corner when I explained to her that me being grumpy & miserable during the day was heavily linked to what time she'd joined me in bed & I stopped getting any decent rest. She took that on board & we never said she couldn't come through if she'd had a bad dream, but that she should practice going back to sleep in her own bed if she just woke up, and we'd put her back in her own bed if she was scared.

It was transformational. Good luck!