It’s all such bloody hard work

Or downstairs everybody else does and sling them an iPad.

With respect, from what you have posted my child is the age of yours.

Since we're now in October, I'll rant about certain seasonal parental 'expectations' now.

I've never understood the craze for decorating your whole house for Halloween and going pumpkin picking. What's wrong with buying a couple of pumpkins from Tesco? Everything has to be an 'experience' now.

Don't get me started on Christmas and all these silly new 'traditions'. Matching pyjamas and Christmas eve boxes can fuck right off.

It's all just useless tat that costs a fortune and makes you feel like a shit mum if you don't do any of it.

Elf on the Shelf can also fuck off. Never doing that, even if I do have a 6 year old.

I do think it’s different, but don’t bit so much pressure on yourself to be perfect. I do think it’s mostly a choice to participate - you just need to lower standards a bit!!! I’m not saying I find it easy, but I don’t feel the pressure you describe.

My kids only have school dinners - I can’t be arsed making anything else. PLUS i like the option of a sandwich at tea time if needs be.

I do participate in dress up days, BUT my older ones are 8 and 10. I maybe get some images on my phone of the types of things to wear and they by and large figure it out with stuff that already exists in the house (and they sort out the younger one too).

I don’t do snacks - I always say no so the kids know not to ask. That said, they know I have no issue with them grabbing a piece of fruit without asking. We also have an early tea which helps I think.

We have had birthday parties, but I think only one had been ‘themed’. When younger we’ve booked a soft play and now we just go out for the day with a couple mates.

I rarely participate in pta volunteering and bake sales etc. BUT i do donate a bit extra cash to make up for it.

I am not my kids entertainment - they need to find their own. That said, I probably won’t be watching my programmes before bedtime anyway so I’m not bothered if they’re watching tv themselves.

The oldest can usually be found outside on his bike with mates. We live in a village so I appreciate that’s not something everyone can do. I will say I’m more concerned about the state of our youths mental health than I am about lurking predators, so I am maybe looser with this one than other parents.

I have an open house policy, so children that don’t belong to me are often in the house. I think more kids are easier to supervise than just my own (as they will be moaning at me).

I didn't had anything like this at DS's preschool. Only no nuts (fair enough) and I got told off for only halving not quartering the grapes but I suppose they are supervising a load of kids eating lunch so that's their shout. DS just had a very normal lunch- no compartments. Honestly I couldn't tell you what the other kids had as no one was interested in anyone else's lunch. Must be an Instagram thing!
I'm not sure 90s lunches were that great I remember some very gross pork luncheon meat!

You can resist. It's not easy but you can

I’m with you on this while also agreeing with the OP that the expectations to be perfect can be so high. I’m wondering if my low expectations are because I’m not on social media and most days feel like I’m just making it up as we go along.

I am the parent that will put a Dairylea ham and cheese thingy wotsit in DD’s holiday camp lunchbox because at least there’s a chance she’ll eat it vs rejecting a ‘sad sandwich’ and coming home shouty starving 🤣 I get told about these amazing veg filled rainbow bento lunch boxes with sandwiches cut like Mickey faces and think that’s brilliant if the parent enjoyed doing that for their DC, though genuinely have no idea how anyone has time while also remembering to do the washing. Here’s to all of us who are living our ‘crap mum’ era!

It takes commonsense to rise above nonsense from other people.

Most of us live in reality - you aren't on this earth to impress other people.

You give your child a birthday you can easily afford £50 or £1000 - the choice is yours.

I didn't have time to read the whole (very interesting) thread, but just wanted to add something about the lunch boxes - on the 1st day of the pre-school I was told off for putting in pancakes and (cut) grapes, given a leaflet with a long list of products I can include together with some colourful Instagram-like pictures. I was made to believe it's the government requirement. I had to buy a special 5-compartment box and include all the colourful stuff. Most of it landed everyday in the bin. When I was growing up in the 80s/90s, the only thing I got was a roll with butter and ham in it. How has the world changed....

I know but OP was complaining about it and I just thought surely there isn't any expectation to throw a Halloween party for 5 year olds? I might take my 4 year old to a few neighbours we know for some sweets. Anyway she said it was actually a birthday party which makes more sense.

Most of it is not good, at all. Parents rightfully think their own kids are super important - but they are teaching their kids that they are super important to everyone else as well, and that their wants will be instantly met - which is just not true. Once they start socialising, harsh reality clashes with the child's expectations. A whole class of little Jemima and Jaspers who've never been told "I'm busy, go and occupy yourself" or "I'm having a sleep in, read a book if you're bored". A whole school of kids who think the universe revolves around them because their mum does. It's nightmare fuel and we are seeing it play out in real time.

I know it’s not the point of the thread but 5 is sort of prime age for Halloween. Bizarre response!

I do think the world is a lot more child centric than ever before and not all of it is good!

Sounds exhausting- I'm no expert because I don't have kids, but I do remember my parents refused to take part in escalation of lunches/parties, when I had friends whose parents put more in. Waking the parents before the alarm once 5 was strictly really bad nightmare /Christmas Day only. I think you need to regain some space and time from your kids- kids will push for as much as they can, so it's on you to hold the line, I'm afraid.

And we didn't want to hang around our parents, we had far better things to do.

It was a much better time for mothers. Definitely.

I haven't read the full thread but honestly I'm glad the pendulum has swing towards children a bit. I grew up in the 80s and my childhood was awful. I was made to feel like an inconvenience and an afterthought my entire life and while my physical needs were met emotionally my parents were useless / actively harmful to me.

I have two older brothers who are 5 and 4 years older than me and I've always thought i was a mistake even though my parents never said anything. My parents seemed to actively resent their children and I never did any activities I liked.

My daughter gets cuddles every day of her life and is told she is loved. She does lots of activities and has more opportunities in her life than I ever had. But she also knows that these don't come for free and she's expected to behave properly or she won't get those opportunities.

My life does revolve around her to a certain extent and I like that in some ways but in others it's difficult. But anything is better than feeling like your parents don't love you or want you around.

It's not even that the standards are actually high, they are just ridiculous. Constant, never ending streams of busy work and ALL of it falling on mothers for the most part.

Just 30 years ago, my parents absolutely never went to my school for anything, at all, ever, except one egg and spoon race on sports day in primary and a couple of school plays. You only met with the teachers if there was a problem.

Absolutely zero dress up days for mothers to have to find or make costumes for, we had one free dress day every year and you brought a small donation in for the school and could wear your own clothes. No Hallowe'en, Easter, crazy socks or anything else at the school - which was great, we could do that stuff outside school if we wanted.

Loads of buses and public transport, just as well because my parents never owned a car and once I was about 8 I walked myself to school - these days any kid walking alone is a target because there are almost no other children walking around out there.

There was a school disco once a year, which was a good laugh as it was so cheesy, we all loved the smoke machine and the strobe lights - they'd be banned now.

My mum used to wrap a cheese sandwich in a bit of plastic and give me a milky way or 10p for a play piece. When I was older, she would give me enough to buy myself some chips and a drink.

At my kids' school every year they had a mother's day stall - guess who runs it? Mothers. Guess who runs the father's day stall? Mothers. Guess who buys the gifts, wraps the gifts and gives the kids money for a gift? Mothers.

As for hanging around with your parents, nobody wanted to. We'd watch some telly together as a family, and went on a caravan holiday once a year, sometimes we went to see a movie, but that was pretty unusual I didn't know many people whose mums took them to the movies. We would sometimes go out together for egg rolling or to visit gran or things like that - but you didn't hang around your mum and dad, you just got on with it.

I was always out and about, when I was young just outside playing when I was older visiting friends. You had one phone in the house and everyone used it so no endless discussions with people you barely knew. We read a lot of books and did a lot of colouring, puzzles, went for walks to keep the boredom away.

Oh and none of us ever had a birthday party. Nobody did, really, it was no big deal. My mum would make us a nice little cake every year and we would get a couple of presents, family would sing happy birthday. 18 and 21 were celebrated, the rest was just a small family affair, and it was great.

In some ways they were better times, and certainly for mothers they were far less pointlessly demanding.

No social media for me and DH and no screen time at the weekends for our kids means I don’t have perfect parenting rammed down my throat and my kids are happy entertaining themselves and playing out.

I’m not saying that to be smug - just two simple changes (no SM and no weekend screen time for the kids) has made parenting so much more chilled. The kids also nag us less at weekends for some reason, I’m not sure why!

Of course you aren’t unreasonable. I had my kids in the ‘80’s and there wasn’t anything like the level of expectation there is now. Even less when I was a child. Got six grandkids now and the pressure to give in to the horrible wave of entitlement is huge.If you really don’t want to do it( and I wouldn’t blame you at all) , hold out and don’t! You would be doing your children a big favour. Best of luck x

In days gone past people used to beat their children. And there were latchkey kids. Things change.

But the pendulum, in many cases, has swung to far the other way. There are parents that cant say no to their children, spoiling them with unnecessary things that they dont need and not entirely appropriate for their age, parents decribing their children as their 'best friend' which is fine once they are adults but not for children.

Children don't need instagram worthy parties, balloon arches and beauty pamper days when they are 7 years old.
They need consistency, firm boundaries, to be told 'no" when needed, a secure and safe place and emotional warmth and love.
Theres an old expression, keeping up up with Jones and thats all thats a big part of whats happening with the op.
Once she realises most people only care about their own image and not what ever you do or don't do, the happier she'll be.
I learned that lesson a long time ago and its served me and my family well.

😂 me too. Not happening in a million years . Little fuckers 😂

Flipping heck! That sounds intense. At my kids school most people just got something from Asda!

They are always having their water in class as if their life depended on it. Then comes the bottle flipping, asking to go out to fill up the bottle and if it's naughty year 9 boys, then squirting their friends shirts with it. And don't start me about when they peel labels off making lots of noise.

Idk- parenting is hard work but I enjoy it. I definitely have low expectations which I think helps and never want insta perfection photos or to make memories. I’ve never minded co-sleeping when needed (in fact I miss it!), parties were organised chaos where I could just chat to other parents (soft play etc) and play dates included parents who I trusted and liked/respected. I am definitely a lot more ‘present’ in the lives of my kids than my parents were but I see that as a positive thing (for them and me)

You don’t have to do all that though. DD’s favourite birthday party was when she had 5 friends round in the garden, they danced to whatever they played on Alexa, did rightly 82 billion cartwheels then ate chicken nuggets (and no they didn’t die from them), pizza and chips.

As for packed lunches…give them what they will eat. DD has a cheese or ham wrap, a yogurt and some sort of snack in a packet most days, won’t eat fruit or veg sticks so what’s the point.