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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It’s all such bloody hard work

534 replies

Uggbootsforever · 30/09/2025 12:44

It’s all just such hard work, the standards are so high. Yes I know you’ll say ‘it’s all optional’ but how optional is it when everyone else around you is doing things and you don’t want your child to be the odd one out?

Lunch boxes. My mum did a sandwich (honey, marmite or jam), an apple, and a penguin bar. Now you have to cut bloody veg sticks, have fresh sandwich fillings ready and available, constant healthy ‘snacks’ (I swear my mum never carried or offered me a snack?!).

Birthday parties. They used to be straightforward and fairly cheap and now they’re all about balloon arches, ‘wonderlands’, themes and elaborate commissioned cakes.

Kids don’t play out now. They hover round you 24/7 demanding things while you try in vain to do the 100 housework tasks that need doing.

I feel like slowly but surely our house has transformed into a place where everything is about the kids 24/7. My parents used to think nothing of sitting and watching a programme they wanted to see, while we played around them. I don’t think I have ever done this, whatever is on is always bloody CBeebies.

Every parent I know is still woken in the night by their 4/5/6 year old children who insist on sleeping in their bed (including me). I just want to sleep in my own bloody bed, to close my eyes at 11pm and open them at 6.30 with nobody crying or shouting me awake in between. Before becoming a parent it didn’t cross my mind I would still be being woken every night 6 years later.

I love my kids but, argh. Why are we doing this to ourselves. Ready to be told how unreasonable I am etc

OP posts:
Shatteredallthetimelately · 30/09/2025 12:55

It only for Instagram and other social media platforms such hard work if you want it to be. I'm sure DC love and will fondly remember whatever party they're given.

Uggbootsforever · 30/09/2025 12:54

ACatNamedRobin · 30/09/2025 12:47

You're absolutely right OP.
And I strongly doubt it's creating resilience / independence/ self sufficiency in the children long term.

So lose lose really.

I try really hard, I do, and people have commented that they’re well behaved easygoing children but even so I feel the framework around parents is such that it’s almost impossible to keep things easygoing, low key and not make parents miserable.

For example the school doing bloody dress up days - this term’s theme is Edwardian. We are expected to make bloody Edwardian costumes for our kids. The cheapest outfit I’ve come up with which meant ordering a load of shit off Vinted is £20 and will need sewing.

School, nursery and toddler groups encourage children to ‘snack’ and have lots of snack times so they expect it when they’re at home. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 30/09/2025 12:53

You honestly don't have to go for all of this! My DCs are now in their teens, but we had parties in the house with jelly & ice cream and pass the parcel, school lunches were pretty basic, they never once (even as babies) slept in our bed. They're normal, well adjusted teenagers, we have a great relationship, and I don't think they're too traumatised by their lack of soft play parties and balloon arches!

You're the parent, you decide how to raise your children.

indoorplantqueen · 30/09/2025 12:53

Nobody forces you to do this stuff. You can change most of those things, or decide not to go to parties you think is over the top.

SignatureShortdeads · 30/09/2025 12:51

I hear you. It is utterly relentless and I agree that most people we know are in the same boat.

My DD is 11 and all her friends are constantly purchasing hugely expensive cosmetics. I keep saying no to things like £23 lip glosses, but her friends genuinely do have these and they’re not just getting them on birthdays etc. Wtf happened to using the 17 range or Rimmel?

Regarding the food thing, in addition to all the home made non-UPF pressure, I’m seeing people using stainless steel lunchboxes etc to reduce the toxins. Where does it end indeed?!

lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 12:50

My toddler still wakes in the night but my four year old doesn’t unless unwell or similar. I do think this is where co sleeping and encouraging it can lead to problems years later but I’m sure I’ll be told off!

One thing I will say is to check your own memories. I absolutely remember my parents watching things while I played but I suspect I was older than I think I was. Our memories of our own childhood often aren’t completely accurate!

Yeppppp · 30/09/2025 12:47

I understand your sentiment but I don’t agree - no one forces you to do any of this stuff. DD’s birthday party was the church hall, pass the parcel, and a Tesco cake. Everyone left happy.

Wanna watch what you like on TV? Tell them they can’t have CBeebies on.

ACatNamedRobin · 30/09/2025 12:47

You're absolutely right OP.
And I strongly doubt it's creating resilience / independence/ self sufficiency in the children long term.

So lose lose really.

Summerishere123 · 30/09/2025 12:47

Yes things are over the top now. We only have ourselves to blame though for putting up with and engaging with this kind of nonsense!