It’s all such bloody hard work

Why is everything so bloody child focussed? I spent most of my childhood kicking round the garden or in gardener Haskins while my parents bought bathroom fittings. Now younger kids are supposed to have child centred activities all the time.

Kids these days have no resilience or independence at all. Too much gentle/permissive parenting imo. Sympathy OP. My little one didn't start sleeping through until 15 months and I was getting completely stressed about it at that point. So I can't imagine how awful doing it for 6 years

I remember a lady tutting at my child (who was becoming whingy in a shop), saying “oh, we only had gifts on birthdays and Christmas in my days”. I wanted to explode. Every shop we enter is filled to the brim of things that look amazing to a young child. There is waaaaaay too much choice and even a quick dash into a supermarket presents them with a sensory overload of novelties. I wasn’t even buying him anything, he was told ‘no’ but it’s not a level playing field- children weren’t surrounded by consumerist tat in the same way previously. It makes me so sad.

I find the day to day a bit relentless, the constant stream of requests from school, the ceebeebies etc but I have a 5 year old, 2 year old and 5 month old and all three sleep through the night in their own beds. A nights sleep makes the rest of it more manageable- maybe if you can crack them staying in their own beds it might help.

I agree the whole balloon arch, parties, activities can get a bit much but with three I don’t have the time or money to be too extravagant so just pick and choose the things I want. Don’t feel too much pressure to keep up with everyone else, keep things as simple as possible - I’ve mostly stopped doing my 5 year olds homework as it’s just making crafts which neither of us enjoy and we focus on his reading instead. I’ve learnt after my third to stop heaping the pressure on myself - even if you do the bare minimum as long as your kids are having fun they really won’t notice if you’ve spent a fortune on custom cake or bought a £10 Spider-Man one from Tesco!

Instagram has a lot to answer for. No one can be seen to be shitting out. Kids need to be told no. I wouldn’t entertain a 7 year old waking up in the night and me rushing in. Bloody ridiculous.

Hahaha it’s ludicrous! I don’t remember hearing a nursery rhyme outside of school when I was younger.

My day wasn't made harder i don't tolerate it , they were told to stop or i go home. And i have done it before so they know i follow through.

I honestly think if you want to cosleep its completely fine and normal. People presumably co slept for thousands and thousands of years and still do all around the world. It's not some weird modern fad. If you don't then don't. I don't think it really has anything to do with other parts of parenting.

They were my nieces - who i often mind for my sister and they were given the option to stay but chose not too then started complaining they were board when with me. They had their choice

But where you went wrong was offering them a choice.
Which of those two options worked out better for you leaving them with their wrinkled noses to muck out shit? Or for them to make your day harder by whining in your car ?

Exactly.

If it was just feeding them however i also said he was cleaning out the horses stables after them being in there overnight to which the wrinkled their noses up at. Just to note before we left home i told what i had to do and how long it would take and they had a choice to come with me or stay with my husband at home, they wanted to come with me

everybody, I know who has children would’ve left them behind to help the husband with the farm animals.

YABVU when children can have very serious nut allergies. Surely that has been the case in schools for the last 20 years or so? It's not exactly a huge ask..

YANBU

But let's face it, it's you that decide. You decide how you parent, and how you run the house.

All this perfection is a myth, it's all SM bullshit

No-one has a perfect house anyways!!

The way so many of us parent is tough, and harmful to kids and parents!

I think I parent differently. My 9 year old walks himself to and from school and entertains himself for 90 minutes after while I finish working (from home). All primary kids get free school dinner here, but if he does have a packed lunch it's peanut butter sandwich, a tangerine, a packet of crisps or something and some cucumber. I find that easy enough tbh.

The main thing is he plays out. A lot. He has hours of time where he occupies himself, outdoors, with friends. I think this is healthier for everyone than the alternative of constant parental engagement and screens, but I know I'm in a minority.

I think it has to be one or the other though - let them 'out' more and accept that there may be a level of risk involved, or do the intensive parenting thing, which to my mind also carries risk

I’m fact I saw dani dyer talking about it earlier and saying how much of a pressure it is to fill our kids days with experiences and what happened to just taking them round Tesco like we used to! I strongly agree haha

You are completely right OP.

Kids are hopeless at entertaining themselves and totally self-centred nowadays by and large.

Looking back this is a big shift: when I was bored in the 80s my mum would say “read a book” or “do some colouring” and then she’d go back to whatever she was doing. She didn’t solve it for me.

When I went to a birthday party, I was polite and obedient - we played games and ate marmite or cheese sandwiches which I disliked but I did not complain. At the end I said thank you and left calmly, if I was lucky I got a piece of home made sponge cake.

And when I went to my gran’s house I was expected to be quiet and well behaved - I took a small bag of toys and books and I played quietly by myself.

If I misbehaved I would be absolutely made to know it by my mum - she would shout or smack me. She had this “wait til I get you home” look that kept me in line. By the way as an adult I don’t resent this in any way, and I’m perfectly well adjusted (I think).

Kids parties now are exhausting. I have seen kids turning up in ear defenders because the noise of 20 shrieking children is too much for them.

I wouldn’t dare having 8 kids over to my house to play blind man’s buff and musical chairs - the kids simply don’t have a clue how to behave.

I’ve thrown old fashioned parties that have gone down a treat! Kids just love being together and being silly. And I’ve never felt pressured to do a balloon arch despite others doing them. I do buy some fun tat of temu though that gets them excited.

I do agree with you about the TV thing tho! The house was very definitely our parents. They watched what they wanted within reason with us around doing our own thing and we might have half hour of kids tv in the evening before bed but that was before the nature of children’s media made it readily available 24/7.

lunch box wise, ours are very 90s and standard. I’ve got no idea what’s in others peoples as I don’t ask or check haha.

literally just do what you want and don’t worry about what others are doing. People might actually find it refreshing and follow suit!

They were told that i cant do anything about it as i had things to do and if they didnt stop i would be turning around in the car and they can stay at home with my husband and help out with the farm animals

I mean to be fair helping out with farm animals sounds much more fun than running errands.

This is about you and your inner certainty that what you're doing is right. Basically self esteem. Also mixing up childhood memories and current fashions

For example on certainty: with the sleep thing, I was never going to have kids in my bed aged above about 3 because I don't sleep with them in there and I don't function without sleep. So for me that was an absolute red line and because I knew it I was able to communicate that to the kids in a perfectly nice way. It just wasn't happening. Lots of people secretly love having their kids sleep in with them and I think that's fine and they should just like it not secretly!

For example on childhood memories: Think back to your childhood parties. There were loads of kids playing pass the parcel and musical statues and loving it, right? Now look at the photos. I bet there are about 6-7 kids at your party. Totally different scenario. I know kids really do all clamour for party bags etc but the little shits need to know they're having what they're given, and by being certain about that you're doing them a favour in the long run even if they're annoying about it in the short term. Putting up with kids' displeasure is a huge part of parenthood imo and you seem to think you're in the wrong if you;'re doing other than what they expect. But you're not!

I had this last when minding my nieces who are 5 complaining when they were board as i had a list of things to do, They were told that i cant do anything about it as i had things to do and if they didnt stop i would be turning around in the car and they can stay at home with my husband and help out with the farm animals. It was the same when walking dogs later on- they were explained that dogs needed to be walked regardless of how we felt every single day. The have to understand that life goes on and we cant entertain them every minute. Similar at bed time go to bed read story etc. get up every 10 mins not tired etc, politely told to go back to bed. after half an hour no engagement the were picked up cuddled kiss good night and back to bed, 3/4 hour later fast asleep. These were the instructions their mither told me to use. Yes they were treated well, we got hot chocolate and a toy when out, watch a movie when home. Have them for mid term and i will bring them off for a day as a treat, but they know that doesnt happen every day. Their birthday parties consisted of parties at home with pizzas and a bouncy castle

Re the school dress up days, I would (and genuinely have) fed this back to school re time and cost required from parents. As I work for a council I was aware that we were piloting a scheme where officers go into schools and talk to them about ensuring dress up days/activities are low cost to parents so I pointed our school in the direction of this. Might be worth looking at doing something similar? Having to spend £20 to dress up as an Edwardian for some random day is outrageous- for families with 2 kids £40 could be a chunk of the weekly budget.