It’s all such bloody hard work

Why are nurseries and schools saying that kids must "snack". Kids didn't used to have snacks. Nobody expected them and nobody passed out or wasted away. Anything between meals was a treat - and a pretty rare one at that. Surely this isn't informing healthy attitudes towards food?

People can do what they want.

For my part, we haven’t ventured abroad with ours yet (they are nearly five and two.) We may go next summer when they are five and a half and three. It’s a lot of money and when you have to navigate naps and heat and strange food and so on it isn’t always easy.

It is a shame this thread has turned into an (unjustified IMO) attack on the OPs parenting. The sarky ‘well you can say no.’ Yes, you can. At toddler group this morning I’m supposed to tell my two year old she’s not having a snack while literally every other child does? Things get normalised, is what the OP is saying.

I've brought up 3 children. My eldest is 35 and my youngest, 12. All the parties we've attended have been in the local village hall. No fuss. As for healthy food, i'm not sure why you'd be against that? Although I've not noticed anyone pressurising me to feed my kids a healthy diet.

Yeah we’re in agreement. It’s the OP and others who think you can’t take children on such trips. As someone who has been doing adventure travel for two decades, I have always seen families on these trips. Many hostels now even do ‘family’ rooms to accommodate this market - it’s not just the child-free who are backpacking and interrailing, that’s for sure.

OP your experience is totally different to mine . Don’t put those expectations on yourself.

Its up to you whether you buy into all of the "extra" work

I had a party 20 years ago and ditched the party bag - then every party after that also ditched the party bag... its up to you whether you buy into it or not

No, it is not martyring yourself to bring your own children on a holiday which is suitable for them. Neither is choosing a family friendly location for a holiday "forgoing your needs". Going to Patagonia is not a "need". Who do you propose should take responsibility for your children whilst you go on your extravagant holidays?

It is so different to when i was a child 30 years ago.
We had enough and wanted for nothing, but my parents said ‘no’ to almost everything!
No extra sweets or cake, no to our tv programs, no parties, no pets, no sleepovers, no pocket money , no holidays with friends 🤣 It sounds miserly, but we didn’t know any different and we appreciated the things we did get a hell of a lot.
I remember clearly a time when my mum took me and my brother to the chippy and bought us chips and a can of pop each. Was like all my christmases had come at once! And I can’t describe the joy when we were allowed to rent a video from the video shop!

You can say no to children. It’s easier than you think.
My daughter wants a phone , her friends have one. I say no , look at the world around you like we did in the 90s! If she protests, I say I’m old school like her grandparents.
If mum friends suggest something to do I’m happy to tell them it’s too expensive. If DD wants to go to the Trafford Centre , she spends her pocket money and there’s no more pocket money for a month.

I’ve heard plenty of people the generation above saying they wouldn’t have kids in this world now. I don’t know what the answer but you can be firm but loving at the same time.

YANBU but some of it you can control. For my sons birthday we said to pick 5 friends and an activity (bowling, trampolining etc) and that’s what we did. They got a McDonald’s afterwards. While they did the activity we had a cuppa.

I’ve taken mine on plenty of lifetime holidays. They had been on road trips across Europe, a city break in New York, universal in Florida, and several other European cities by the time they were 8 and 10. My cousin took her 7 and 10 year old backpacking in Indonesia last year. Of course you can do these things with children.

I don’t know, I did a hiking trip in the Canadian Rockies last month and saw plenty of children, from babies to teenagers, accompanying parents on hikes, canoeing, lake swimming etc. They were mostly American families, so it could be cultural. Anyway, I don’t see why you can’t take a child on big adventure trips, disabilities aside.

I hear you! And you ANBU!

I think parents with children who are currently between the ages of 5-11 should only respond. My teenager was never this hard when she was younger compared to my 8 year old.
I personally think it’s down to all the ‘power’ children have been given through other agencies including the government. When your child say they are emotionally affected by you telling them they aren’t able to do something, ‘safeguarding’ and ‘social services’ alarm bells start to ring in parents ears.
I am an extremely competent and fair parent and my teenager has said so herself. Even she questions society and the changes that have taken place in the last few years. We can’t blame Covid for everything, those higher up have a lot to answer for.
Rant over!

oh and if I had the money, I would seriously consider boarding school as an option 🤣!

Well, that does make a huge difference, doesn’t it?

My parents died before I had children, so irrespective of the culture using them as childcare was clearly not an option.

Booking Center Parcs rather than Cuba when you have preschool children isn’t just indulgent parents. But some things do have to go on the back burner for a while. It isn’t forever and in the context of a child’s life it’s not actually that long (feels like it!) but it’s impossible to just pretend life can carry on much as it ever did; it can’t.

You are right.
It is hard.
That’s why I only had one.

Me too! Rimmel was my go to and age 40 with a much higher disposable income than when I was a teen and the ability (and track record) to buy more expensive make up and Rimmel concealer is still the best! It felt like a treat to graduate to the more expensive brands of things when I worked my way up through my job in my 20s and 30s. What will ther expectations be like then?!

Also I watch Match of the Day on a Sunday morning. They can watch it with me or go off and play in their rooms but they know it’s “mummy’s football time” 🤣

I don’t want to be that poster, but I don’t relate to this at all. Admittedly where I live is not very materialistic or flashy but my children have always slept in their own beds right from when they were in their Moses basket. The elder one went through a phase of coming into us in the night, but we just took her back to bed each time until it stopped.

I’ve never bought a balloon arch or had a theme for a party. I either make the cake myself or buy it from Tesco. It’s the 6 year-old‘s birthday soon and she’s having a tea party at home with a kitchen disco. We will probably do some face paints and glitter tattoos and I might make some cupcakes for them to decorate. I don’t anticipate any complaints! We get the same birthday decorations out of the loft each time it’s anyone’s birthday in the family!

Release yourself from this OP, it’s really that simple. I’ve never done a birthday party for DS, we usually just take one friend out with us for a decent day out. Stress free and fun for everyone.
I’ve never let DS sleep in my bed unless really poorly and needing attention in the night. Just take them back to their own bed and say no.
I don’t really see the issue with one snack in between meals, we understand children’s metabolism better now and they do actually need snacks.
Put what you want on the tele. This is all within your control.

Haha. We’re actually still on the fence! Thankfully we’re aligned on only having 1, if we do go down the baby route, which would mean we’re more likely to be able to continue with our travel goals.

Also, separate point, but DP’s parents are from a country/culture where grandparents are REALLY involved in child-rearing and it’s not uncommon for grandparents to look after their grandchild(ren) for a whole summer, so we may not even need to worry about dragging a child on our extravagant trips.

I found the word no really useful. It’s you that’s conforming to all of this consumerism. Just say no.

DP and I don’t have kids yet

you don’t say.