Page 11 | It’s all such bloody hard work

Uggbootsforever · 2025-09-30T11:44:10+00:00

It’s all just such hard work, the standards are so high. Yes I know you’ll say ‘it’s all optional’ but how optional is it when everyone else around you is doing things and you don’t want your child to be the odd one out? Lunch boxes. My mum did a sandwich (honey, marmite or jam), an apple, and a penguin bar. Now you have to cut bloody veg sticks, have fresh sandwich fillings ready and available, constant healthy ‘snacks’ (I swear my mum never carried or offered me a snack?!). Birthday parties. They used to be straightforward and fairly cheap and now they’re all about balloon arches, ‘wonderlands’, themes and elaborate commissioned cakes. Kids don’t play out now. They hover round you 24/7 demanding things while you try in vain to do the 100 housework tasks that need doing. I feel like slowly but surely our house has transformed into a place where everything is about the kids 24/7. My parents used to think nothing of sitting and watching a programme they wanted to see, while we played around them. I don’t think I have ever done this, whatever is on is always bloody CBeebies. Every parent I know is still woken in the night by their 4/5/6 year old children who insist on sleeping in their bed (including me). I just want to sleep in my own bloody bed, to close my eyes at 11pm and open them at 6.30 with nobody crying or shouting me awake in between. Before becoming a parent it didn’t cross my mind I would still be being woken every night 6 years later. I love my kids but, argh. Why are we doing this to ourselves. Ready to be told how unreasonable I am etc

CosyMintFish · 30/09/2025 18:36

Your house, your rules. We have a snack once per day after school. I’m pretty strict. Any bedtime shenanigans is met with short shrift. We play board games, have lots of books, they get sweets one day a week (which they can eat all at once or spread out) and “I’m bored” results in extra chores. They’ve turned out to be well balanced kids.

Notellinganyone · 30/09/2025 18:35

Yeppppp · 30/09/2025 12:47

I understand your sentiment but I don’t agree - no one forces you to do any of this stuff. DD’s birthday party was the church hall, pass the parcel, and a Tesco cake. Everyone left happy.

Wanna watch what you like on TV? Tell them they can’t have CBeebies on.

This. I breastfed on demand and bedshared for first 6 months - it meant more sleep. After that they were in their own rooms so we had an evening and a night’s sleep .

hybak · 30/09/2025 18:33

Op, you sound really funny. Secretly hoping you go to the same school and we'll eventually find each other in the cynical section of all the ridiculous parties

Oh but realised that you can't be because my sons' school don't let them have packed lunches

hybak · 30/09/2025 18:33

Op, you sound really funny. Secretly hoping you go to the same school and we'll eventually find each other in the cynical section of all the ridiculous parties

Tryingatleast · 30/09/2025 18:31

Pick and choose op, definitely dial down lunches, my son has sandwiches, crackers and cheese and if you put a digestive biccies in there you’re the best ever! Birthdays buy presents on deal in bulk from toy shops, last week I did a joke book, yoyo and a packet of sweets- arty child I gave a charcoal set and sketch pad and sweets, sporty 15euro voucher for sports shop. You don’t have to keep up with anyone else- let them look at you and think oh that’s a good one!

hybak · 30/09/2025 18:31

Wtfneighbour · 30/09/2025 18:22

gifts for attending parties ridiculous too. It’s about £50 per child at the school my DC attend. I used to put a £10 in a card until I noticed all the expensive clothes and gifts getting handed out parties. Then my DC had a party and all gifts were around £50. One parent gave my dc an expensive tracksuit, a doll and an M&S gift card. It never ends.

utterly tedious and I find parenting so utterly boring.

That's crazy! £50!

mine go to a lovely fee paying school but even there we all spend about £20 per child. Which is ridiculous as it is

HepzibahGreen · 30/09/2025 18:30

I did quite like the bed sharing ( to a point) mine always got in in the early hours, up til age 5 or so, but I get why some parents don’t like it if you have wrigglers ( or a sex life!)

hybak · 30/09/2025 18:30

Uggbootsforever · 30/09/2025 18:24

Yes I suppose you can draw similarities with things like hen/stag dos - just everything is on a bigger scale and more expensive. And you feel you have to go along with it. My best friend’s hen cost me £500. 3 people posted straight talking ‘I can’t afford this, sorry I’m out’ messages in the WhatsApp group and yet the organiser didn’t get the hint and booked more activities.

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It's exactly like that!

it's the last 10-15 years where everything has gone mental.

diddlysquatagain · 30/09/2025 18:28

MsVestibule · 30/09/2025 12:53

You honestly don't have to go for all of this! My DCs are now in their teens, but we had parties in the house with jelly & ice cream and pass the parcel, school lunches were pretty basic, they never once (even as babies) slept in our bed. They're normal, well adjusted teenagers, we have a great relationship, and I don't think they're too traumatised by their lack of soft play parties and balloon arches!

You're the parent, you decide how to raise your children.

This, but I was an older mum and probably - didn't use to think it - confident in taking my own line (even when it came to the health visitor's advice sometimes). Kids never slept in our bed (well virtually never), did low-key parties, I'm sure we're known for buying takeaway pizzas when friends are around. Did a few carrot/cucumber sticks with it but that's it.

But I find the pressure worse when it comes to academics/school - relentless.

Original poster

Uggbootsforever · 30/09/2025 18:24

Wtfneighbour · 30/09/2025 18:22

gifts for attending parties ridiculous too. It’s about £50 per child at the school my DC attend. I used to put a £10 in a card until I noticed all the expensive clothes and gifts getting handed out parties. Then my DC had a party and all gifts were around £50. One parent gave my dc an expensive tracksuit, a doll and an M&S gift card. It never ends.

utterly tedious and I find parenting so utterly boring.

Yes I suppose you can draw similarities with things like hen/stag dos - just everything is on a bigger scale and more expensive. And you feel you have to go along with it. My best friend’s hen cost me £500. 3 people posted straight talking ‘I can’t afford this, sorry I’m out’ messages in the WhatsApp group and yet the organiser didn’t get the hint and booked more activities.

OP posts:

Wtfneighbour · 30/09/2025 18:22

gifts for attending parties ridiculous too. It’s about £50 per child at the school my DC attend. I used to put a £10 in a card until I noticed all the expensive clothes and gifts getting handed out parties. Then my DC had a party and all gifts were around £50. One parent gave my dc an expensive tracksuit, a doll and an M&S gift card. It never ends.

utterly tedious and I find parenting so utterly boring.

Beachtastic · 30/09/2025 18:22

Parenting does seem to have gone nuts! By today's standards, I had a neglected childhood 😁 but that was just the norm, and I don't feel hard done by.

My niece's first birthday took place in a village hall with streamers and showers of gifts. My mum commented "What's wrong with pushing the pram out into the garden?" I think my earliest happy memory is of lying in my pram, looking peacefully up at the trees. (My birthday is in the summer!)

How can a 1-year-old possibly understand and enjoy all this commotion? Worse still, what sort of expectations does it set?

I blame marketing and social media for creating ludicrous aspirations that have nothing to do with a contented childhood, quite the opposite. Children are often overstimulated and brought up to want expensive things, hmmmm I wonder who that benefits? 🤔

birling16 · 30/09/2025 18:21

Do you have a career as well as all this?
It's bloody ridiculous this country.

I know it's tough but children are egos on legs. They think tat and parties and screaming makes them happy. Some of them are exhausted after the stupid demands made by school.
TRy to be firm, you should have a life.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 30/09/2025 18:20

Given the number of children who have choked I don't mind the extra fuss about lunchboxes.

I agree about parties though. Local function room, a homemade buffet, a few balloons tossed about to play keepy uppy. Some pre-mixed party music on a CD or cassette. That was the dream.

Original poster

Uggbootsforever · 30/09/2025 18:18

FunMustard · 30/09/2025 18:00

Really? It's only been three years since my youngest was in primary school.

Maybe I'm just better at saying no.

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😆 you’re certainly better at pass agg messages, that’s for sure!

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Original poster

Uggbootsforever · 30/09/2025 18:17

HepzibahGreen · 30/09/2025 18:11

Oh, and it all goes so damn quick OP in the end. In Spring I’m going on holiday with my boyfriend, no kids, for the first time in years, and I can’t wait!

Hope you have a great time!

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Original poster

Uggbootsforever · 30/09/2025 18:17

lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 18:10

That’s just passive aggressive. Just say ‘I’m a better parent than you appear to be.’

i think that most good, excellent parents can and do say no but recognise that constantly doing so is detrimental to their relationship so don’t sweat the small stuff.

No good parent has a day that’s about them. No good parents drag the children on an adult holiday and expect them to suffer in silence. Good parents do activities and things that their children enjoy even if they personally find them tedious.

Yes, you can get some common ground. I love being outside so we have a lot of walks, seeing the ducks, and so on. We read a lot as I love that. But obviously they are five and two, they aren’t going to be into Shakespeare yet

Sometimes children have to go along with adults. There’s no way to avoid that. But doing it all the time is just selfish and people who want an adult life have no business having children at all IMO.

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Absolutely. I’m not a martyr - if there’s something I don’t like, we don’t do it. I don’t like soft play so we tend to go to parks instead as I like being outside. But there’s zero chance of my toddler sitting nicely through a long, dull museum trip, and it hasn’t escaped my attention that everyone claiming he should either don’t have children, or had children 30+ years ago.

I was saying to DH the other day that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have a newborn already, even though my youngest is 2. People’s memories are very short.

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HepzibahGreen · 30/09/2025 18:11

Oh, and it all goes so damn quick OP in the end. In Spring I’m going on holiday with my boyfriend, no kids, for the first time in years, and I can’t wait!

lastdayofseptember · 30/09/2025 18:10

FunMustard · 30/09/2025 18:00

Really? It's only been three years since my youngest was in primary school.

Maybe I'm just better at saying no.

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That’s just passive aggressive. Just say ‘I’m a better parent than you appear to be.’

i think that most good, excellent parents can and do say no but recognise that constantly doing so is detrimental to their relationship so don’t sweat the small stuff.

No good parent has a day that’s about them. No good parents drag the children on an adult holiday and expect them to suffer in silence. Good parents do activities and things that their children enjoy even if they personally find them tedious.

Yes, you can get some common ground. I love being outside so we have a lot of walks, seeing the ducks, and so on. We read a lot as I love that. But obviously they are five and two, they aren’t going to be into Shakespeare yet

Sometimes children have to go along with adults. There’s no way to avoid that. But doing it all the time is just selfish and people who want an adult life have no business having children at all IMO.

HepzibahGreen · 30/09/2025 18:09

I think the spectacular holiday thing, as someone else mentioned, is setting up really high expectations for kids at too young an age. My childhood holidays were brown tent with flowery curtains in Wales/ Cornwall/ North Yorkshire…my own kids holidays were similar.

My teen kids friends were forever getting taken to Thailand/ Greece/ Italy. When my children complained they never got those kind of holidays I said “ ah but think how exciting it will be when you get to save up and explore the world when you get older”.
Like, go to New York when you are 21, not 10. You want to be able to order a cocktail!

FunMustard · 30/09/2025 18:04

Sorry - my post seems dismissive now I read it back.

It is hard and relentless, I agree, but I guess my "hard and relentless" was not the same as yours.

InSlovakiaTheCapitalOfCourseIsBratislava · 30/09/2025 18:01

Thoroughly agree with it being incredibly hard work and absolutely bloody relentless.
everything is better after a good nights sleep and you feel much more resilient and able to have the battles and assert yourself over your offspring, but how to get that sleep in the first place (whisky on the gums? Piriton? Benalyn?)
Plus the whole peer pressure thing. I’d hoped once I’d left school it would be over but turns out you get it vicariously through your children

FunMustard · 30/09/2025 18:00

Uggbootsforever · 30/09/2025 17:38

There’s been quite big changes in short spaces of time.

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Really? It's only been three years since my youngest was in primary school.

Maybe I'm just better at saying no.

Kitchenbattle · 30/09/2025 17:56

Uggbootsforever · 30/09/2025 17:54

Where did I mention holidays and feeling unable to hike the Inka trail?

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You. Are. Not. A. Parent.
Don’t you feel embarrassed making such grandiose statements given you have zero experience of parenthood

I was replying to this…calm down

Americasfavouritefightingfrenchman · 30/09/2025 17:55

MrsBobtonTrent · 30/09/2025 14:34

There is a lot of social pressure now. But I think there always has been, particularly on women. The pressure to be clean and tidy, for the kids to be presentable, for the housework to be up to a standard, the front doorstep polished, to attend church, to look after elderly relatives. But social media is a curse, we measure ourselves again non-existant people with heavily cropped and edited photos.

And, perhaps you are part of the problem too. Sounds very performative to have a birthday/halloween party with crafts at 5 years old. Just have a few friends over to play, have some food, sing around a cake and maybe a party bag. You are inflicting what you think is worthy/enjoyable on a pile of 5 year olds, probably with other parents/social media pics in mind rather than the enjoyment of some small children. If the other parents are loudly judging you, then your social circle becomes self-cleansing - find your real tribe.

And if you don't want kids in your bed at night, make your expectations clear, draw your line in the sand and stick to your guns. Short term pain for long term gain. Sleep was absolutely my non-negotiable - I probably let other things slide instead.

I actually just like stuff like this. I think we did craft and art activities with the kids and their friends from when the eldest was about 3. Everyone has their things they enjoy and often the trick is just figuring out how you do those things with your kids so it’s fun for everybody