It’s all such bloody hard work

@Americasfavouritefightingfrenchman Precisely. But, it seems to me, bringing children into this world and preparing them (eventually) to enter adulthood, is just about the most worthwhile and perhaps demanding thing any of us can do. It's not easy but saying "no" sometimes is just as important as saying "yes" sometimes, perhaps it's even more important but more difficult.

True and in fairness lots of worthwhile things aren’t :)

No one said it would be easy!

Matching pjs seems disgustingly wasteful. Shein must make a killing. These Christmas Eve boxes are just materialistic and greedy too.

One of my children was expecting a new Halloween costume this year - when they have one that fits and has only been worn once.

I'm not giving in. They tantrummed. They insisted they had to have it because they had already told their friends they would be wearing it. But ultimately, they can't order things off Amazon.

It's all hideous greed. Stop it.. Have the guts to say no.

Also just to add ahead of Christmas...you don't need matching PJs, the kids don't need Christmas Eve boxes, chocolate coins are a fabulous stocking filler....

I've seen this post a little late but don't stress the lunchboxes, I started back in Reception with animal shaped sandwiches as I only had one kid then and I enjoyed it, now I hate making lunchboxes (except that I did get a note from my 8yo recently that said thank you for making her lunchboxes and did gush a lot). Now she gets a Dairylea dunker with mini sausages some days or crackers and a cheese triangle and knife to spread it herself (she's gone off sandwiches....). plus crisps, fruit and a little sweeter treat. I make two in a row but its nothing fancy.

This year's birthday party was just at our house, it was arts and crafts and then they all just played in the garden, supermarket cake.

Not sure where I read it but kids need to be bored and as my two have got older I so believe in that, my two don't stay bored for long, they do a lot of imaginary play and I think that comes from not allowing them to have too much done for them entertainment wise.

Honestly it won’t all change and there will be things you are planning you will absolutely stick to. There will also be things you will change your mind about or that you’ll give up on occasionally. I think it’s helpful to always remember that children are people, that some are more strong willed and determined and some are more passive and obedient regardless of how you parent and that being of the first type isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
It’s very easy to insist you just wouldn’t tolerate x/y/z from a theoretical child but it’s usually less easy in practice. I mean the idea kids will never interrupt in particular is a bit over optimistic (& I say that not just from experience of my own but from running a local cub group and volunteering in schools). They improve as they get older with loads of reminders but little kids just do interrupt a lot. They don’t have great impulse control and when they are excited about stuff they are tripping over themselves to tell you all about it, right now. It’s actually quite endearing how excited they are and you find yourself balancing teaching manners with not totally squashing their exuberance.

I remember this feeling condescending and irritating when pregnant. The people saying this to you are probably trying to prevent you from being hard on yourself when it all goes tits up and your kid has a will of its own (which one never factors into imaginary children) though.

This is really tiresome. I'm honestly so fed up of people saying 'just wait..it will all change etc...' the whole way through this pregnancy. its bloody condescending and irritating.

The same way as my parents did and friends I have with well behaved children presumably......

Don't give-in otherwise you become part of the problem rather than part of the solution.

It does get better. Slowly get them more organised as they get older. My eldest daughter at 7 used to have checklists for packing her things for Brownies trips. And when we go on holiday the children pack for themselves and check they have packed their toothbrush on the day of travel. I just make sure clothes are washed and ironed and they choose from them and use packing cubes. They can also make their own breakfast (cereal) from 7 so we can sleep in for a bit.

Re: the arts and crafts party you mentioned my 12 year old daughter is having some friends round to do Christmas arts and crafts and cupcake decorating when they break up from school in Dec. They wouldn’t have been as interested when they were younger now it’s all a bit of fun and they have a good chat together. They all go to the local grammar school and are a nice bunch of girls.

Stop allowing kids to sleep
in your bed

stop snacking - it’s terrible for kids and leading to high levels of insulin resistance and metabolic health issues.

just make a simple packed lunch based on protein and healthy fats plus veg

allow your kids to be bored - and encourage them to use imagination- you don’t have to do things all the time either them. You’ll be doing them a favour

don’t involve yourself in comparison and competing….

We always let kids on when needed. They would never want to sleep in our bed any more!! Miss those days though 🥹

Never let your child sleep in your bed. Let them in for a short period of time then TKE THEM BACK to their own room, every time. They have to learn early on that that is how it works, they have to always wake up in their own bed. We did that with our 4 kids when they were young and it worked out fine. I know three couples who didn't, and they live a nightmare with kids in their bed all night every night.

Or maybe it’s more difficult for parents. We are working more so it’s more difficult to be interrupted by bored kids. Plus we can’t just let them play out with bikes and friends like used to happen (in many cases)

If you discourage throwing toys over a stairgate, you may find you train them out of free play.

Sounds like you are doing well with being a leader for your children and saying no to consumerism and screens.

I would make the following comments:

1. Healthy food is for your child’s benefit, not for the sake of appearances, which don’t matter. It’s worth giving them healthy food but it’s not worth giving headspace to what other people think about it. Except the peanut butter sandwich issue is probably because someone in the school is allergic, which is actually an important consideration.

2. How much do your children care about dressing up? Mine had no interest so I never bothered. Or if it was compulsory did the merest token nod to the occasion. But stuff the children DO care about becomes fun to help out with. Again, do it for your kids, not for appearances. Doesn’t matter what the other parents think. If the other kids start teasing them, your own kids will soon start to care about their costumes and let you know.

3. It sounds like your expectations for your children’s play are too high. Don’t expect them to sit there playing quietly and constructively with meccano for hours. Throwing toys over a stairgate is perfect play for a two-year-old. (Especially as it was just toys and nothing important or breakable.) Free play does not look impressive, it’s just mucking around. And to be encouraged. Also, a good way to encourage free play is to be in the same room doing something else, but to take an interest in what they’re doing.

I say this gently. You promote what you permit. This is all up to you and, I’m not saying it’s easy, you are the person to set the standards in your home. You set the bedtime. You set the activities in your own home. If they are bored, give them a book/chore. Send them to bed by 8. Then enjoy adult time. My kids are a bit older - teenagers - but they had a set bedtime and they didn’t wake me up (except when unwell of course.) I have always planned activities but also plan times where they entertain themselves. Their entertainment is not my priority. Their wellbeing is and being able to be resourceful is a life skill.
The stuff that is hard to control is the influence from outside the home. I get that. But keep parties intimate and special. My daughter was well known for having the ‘’best’ parties but I only managed that by keeping the guest list down. And I loved inviting the mums too - we had fun together and I had lots of help. As for lunches, the kids don’t care. You’re worrying what other people think. Nobody pays attention to each other’s lunch (I’m a teacher). And get them into school dinners asap - much easier :)
Time for you to set those limits so you can start to enjoy time with your kids. And they can start to learn by themselves how to avoid being bored!

Children have always complained they were bored.
Absolutely!
I remember being around 9 complaing that I was bored to mum. She quite logically told me to find something to do then! 😆 🤣

Children have always complained they were bored. I think the difference is that parents nowadays feel much more tortured by the idea of their child experiencing any difficult feelings eg boredom, disappointment, envy of other children etc and that it means they (the parent) have done something wrong. This then leads to massive resentment of the children and feeling like the parents are slaves to the child’s whim/happiness.

In the olden days we moaned we were bored and my mother would say right, you can hang up the washing if you are bored!

If we so much as set foot in my friend Michael’s house, his mother would shoo us out - “go on out and play get out from under my feet!” I never actually got so far as to see his bedroom upstairs 🤣

I don’t think any of the adults lost sleep worrying about whether we felt bored or pushed out of rejected etc.

Of course the greater sensitivity to children’s experiences is a good thing now. There were horrors in the olden days too- abusive adults, frightened children, traumatised children, children with different needs at school being labelled thick etc etc.

No one would want to go back to that.

But I do think it’s helpful to remember that teaching children to bear difficult feelings is a part of bringing them up.

Fuck them. Don’t conform. I don’t.

Kids are spoilt because parents feel guilt about going to work ? It’s