Reciprocating a play date with super rich couple - feel uncomfortable

That’s a fair point haha although if they live in a seven bed house with a swimming pool hopefully they have enough common sense to realise they’re richer than 99% of people. The evidence is there for them to see. Unless when they leave their house and see smaller houses/apartment blocks they convince themselves they’re in the matrix

Having been the scholarship kid at 2 fee paying schools, I was miserable partly because of the obvious wealth inequality. I struggled socially and was far happier when I moved to the state sector. Still stuck out because I spoke “posh” but not as badly as being the “poor kid” surrounded by enormous wealth.

Surely it's better to get used to it & not be ashamed. Nothing to be ashamed of obviously

I've had it the other way around, as in, I live in nice big 3 bed, the other family in an exceptionally small cramped apartment. Had playdates for years, all got on well. That's life, there are differing income levels. They were super organised with the space, I admired them.

You are both doctors so absolutely nothing to be ashamed off but I do understand your feelings. If I were in your situation I would return the play date and see how it goes. If you feel they are judging you and you dont get on, don't offer it again.

We don't have our kids in private schools but some of their friends are definitely more well off than us. I've had comments from the kids friends such as " wow! You're house is all on one floor. It's tiny" or " your bedroom is all green?" It's like a whole other world in our 3 bed flat compared to their 5 bed houses with double garages and cinema rooms. But at the end of the day, the kids still have fun regardless. I don't invite the parents lol my ds does have one friend who won't let her DD come to visit or even hang around with him because he lives in a council flat. Stuck up b.

Exactly right. Stop worrying about it, I'm pretty sure the child knows not everyone lives in a mansion!

Based on the amount of threads on here about how people earning £200,000 are struggling to manage I do wonder about how aware some people are.

OP has said that they like to talk about their salary and their fancy house.

Honestly, just do it. My family home was definitely the smallest amongst my peers but my friends loved the snack cupboard and the fact my parents were relaxed.

If they judge you by your home then that’s on them not you. I would add that as both of you are doctors you’d win the top trumps in worthwhile jobs - far more so than a ‘finance bro’. Seriously though I’d try and hold my head up high as a previous poster said and model to my child how proud you are of your family and your home.

Exactly this. They aren’t idiots they will know they’re richer than 99% of the populace. If anything they’ll probably be more worried about being judged and dealing with jealousy etc.

Besides it’s not like op is poor an ordinary 3 bedroom house pretty standard average uk home

That's pretty damn rude of you. You're making assumptions about how they think and feel just based on their income and lifestyle? Exactly what you yourself are afraid of.
You are basically expecting the worst because you yourself judge people on that basis. Grow up and stop being so horrible.

Just wait til society collapses and you’ll be boss level😬 Ironically, not having them over could well seem like snobbery.

This is the most bonkers reply ever!

I’ve been the one with the smaller rented house, crappy car and a very tight budget. I still invited people over, because they can take me as I am and it was always totally fine.
Funnily enough, now I am no longer in that position (and no, we don’t talk about money!) I find that more people have an issue with that. We definitely lost friends because of it, because, despite what people say, a lot are really not happy for you if you “do well”.
Decent people don’t give a fig where you live or what you’ve got. If these aren’t decent people? Poor them, their loss.
Have the play date and see how it goes, you might be surprised.

Would you judge someone with less than you? I would not, my kids had friends from all walks of life. No judging happened.

I understand your worry, but it will only be awkward if you make it awkward. Show your dc (through your actions and your pride) that actually it is the atmosphere within a home that is important, not the size of the home (there's a nice saying for that but Id be buggered if I can remember it - meno brain!) I grew up around flashy über rich people and I much prefer my life now with 'normals'

@CloudyonasunnydayI never really considered how it was balanced it just felt like a nice relationship with give and take rather than transactional, we are still friends now our daughters are 26.

I guess I was helpful with school pick ups as I wasn’t working, her daughter also spent a lot of time at ours and shared our daughter’s pony.

Because he might have feelings about the fact he could never have a friend over - and that would have impacted him rather more.

Or he might have been part of the decision not to have people over because he felt awkward, which is sad for him too.

A lot of rich people are used to people being weird with them and can feel socially isolated and awkward as their wealth sets them apart and they know it. I would treat them normally and see how it goes. If they go on about money all the time they may be as insecure about their wealth as you are in a way.

Don’t reciprocate a home playdate. The stress and anxiety it would cause is not worth it. Instead offer to take them to lunch in a lovely child friendly location if you need to do something. You’re both Doctors which is a noble career so don’t be feeling less than. Money does not always buy class and if they are good people who happen to be wealthy they won’t mind at all. If they judge others based on material possessions and money though why would you need or want their approval?

I worried about this when my son started school and he isn’t at a fee paying school! We made friends with some wealthier people… They definitely earn more than us, have expensive holidays, drink expensive wine etc etc! We have a smaller house, earn reasonable money but nowhere near what they do and no nothing about wine! However, our kids get on so well and when we reciprocated lunch at ours, it went so well, they complimented our house, loved the food we made, we all got drunk and had so much fun! This was three years ago and we do it regularly now!

People will like you for you! As long as your house is clean and you can provide some nibbles and drinks depending on what kind of date you arrange you’ll be fine!

Also I tend to ensure I listen to them and pick up on things like their favourite wine, their recent plans etc etc.. people tend to like the people not their house!

@partytimed im easily the poorest in our year, single parent, fee paying school. It's pretty obvious i dont have a fancy home though its nice. I kinda take it on the chin really, its like the big unsaid. However i have lots of playdates, and have made friends with all the other parents so we look past all that. From my experience, people know if you havent got much, but really appreciate you making their kids feel welcomed and noticed

We are in a somewhat similar position OP.

DH and I are both teachers. He works at a state school, I work at an independent but part time, so our combined income is very low compared to most parents with children at an independent school (I get a staff discount - that's why we can afford it).

Our house is very modest compared to DDs peers. We just roll with it and have always had people come to ours. Birthday parties the gap is most obvious - we have people to our house for sandwiches and party games in the garden, which is rather different from what others do.

The vast majority are too polite to mention it. They know they are in the wealthy minority, so they just don't really care. Most people are less wealthy than them. Occasionally I grin when people put their foot into it - conversations about the difficulty of finding a really reliable housekeeper who folds the sheets well etc not exactly something I can contribute to!

If they are snobbish about your house nobody else will judge you, but THEY will be judged if they comment to other parents. Especially if most other parents are between you and them in wealth/situation.

Just invite them over. It's really no big deal. Would you judge someone if you went to a play date on a council estate or in a small flat, or would you find something to compliment and make polite small talk?

That’s hilarious they talk about their house and husbands salary. I did chuckle. So these are what we call the nouveau riche as anyone with any real class do not actually talk about such things and they don’t actually care what house you live in or money as they have always had so much of it it’s not what matters. You are worrying about the wrong sort!

My daughter went to a private school and was invited to many play dates such as you describe. I took great pleasure turning up to the school in my battered 13 year old car that I parked next to all the Discovery Sports.

I always invited everyone back.

Most of the parents didn’t judge at all and in fact I felt more welcomed by these parents than my state local social climbing school where my son went as they were so cliquey .

I like you, worked full time and a lot of my salary went on school fees.

Please- you are a doctor. You went to medical school for 7 years and you do an immensely valuable job. Please focus on that. You are a highly intelligent and I expect pretty caring human to do that type of work. So focus on those qualities that are far more important than whether someone has a pool and 7 bedrooms.

Otherwise what message are you giving your daughter?

Stand strong in your own value and worth. We are all worthy in our own ways- rich or poor.
You are rich in other ways than just money and probably in areas where they are not.
Be proud of that. Hold your own.