Reciprocating a play date with super rich couple - feel uncomfortable

They probably know where you live already ( people usually check out their kids friends parents etc) and they don’t have an issue with it so I wouldn’t worry about it…..I know how you feel though, I would probably feel the same but it is what it is so just get on with it

I’m finding some of the comments on this thread fascinating. I wonder if some of the parents who send children to private school are more likely to be concerned with status in the first place and that interest in status can lead them to feel inferior. Our local state primary has people from all walks of life (including City finance) and I don’t feel like people are bothered about house size like this

My kids are yr 8 and yr 12. Have been in private school all their lives thanks to husband working there. Even with staff discount I have to work FT and we don’t have foreign holidays etc. Our home is a standard 3-bed semi and we have never once been made to feel “less than” or embarrassed. I tell my kids how lucky they are to have such generous friends who have swimming pools and cinema rooms etc. and invite them round. We live close to the city centre and now the eldest is in 6th form she is suddenly in the envious position where they can all get ready at our house for a night out and then walk or catch a bus into town! Honestly though, in my experience these folks are fully aware of their privilege and wouldn’t dream of looking down on anyone. It’s only your own insecurities making you feel this way. It’s just money, it’s just a house after all. Everyone has their sh^t going on.

If they are the type of people who look down their nose at 2 doctors who do a hugely valuable and worthwhile job for society are they really the type of people you want to be friends with or have your children around? I think you are over thinking this.

Honestly I am more in awe of you both being NHS Doctors than the wealth! But I do get it a bit But be confirdent in who you are and what you do

Absolutely this - both being doctors, your DC is likely to be pretty smart and they'll be happy their DC is spending time with yours.

I have loads of doctor friends and although we probably earn more I'm always in thrall to them tbh.

@Princesspolly surely the school give you a discount?

I would give them the benefit of the doubt and invite them. If they make you feel like the poor relation then don’t repeat. But you are two doctors so not exactly under achievers, so don’t let yourself be intimidated! It will also be good for your children to model that their richer school friends are not better than them.

YANBU - we also live in a nice area, and it seems everyone else bought houses when interest rates were cheap/prices were lower. They all have a separate children's play room, plenty of space, an actual garden etc. Our place cost a bloody fortune and we have to make do with a children's play area in a side section beside our kitchen/a tiny fake grass balcony play area. I'm still grateful for what we have, but it isn't nearly as good of a setup for play dates. A lot of the time we arrange play dates at our local park or soft play center. We have a spare car seat so can take another child.

My children attend a fee paying school and I totally get feeling this way. For context I was a teen mum, compared to the others I am a lot younger than every other parent there. My husband left and doesn’t contribute financially so the fees are all on me, a midwife who doesn’t earn masses, I am far from the typical private school fee parent. I scrimp and save every penny, I live in a 3 bed that’s practically falling down around me and my eldests best friend is unbelievably wealthy, I’m talking mansion, under ground garage with I kid you not 8 Ferraris, an abundance of other very very expensive vehicles and a lifestyle I can only dream of. But our children are best friends, I do feel like I can’t invite their son back to mine and do as exciting things with him as they do with my son but none the less our children are friends and his parents are so grateful for that and for what I can do. I would host the family, do a nice little afternoon tea in the garden and if they think lesser of you then that’s a them problem.

I think you're misjudging them.

If they are the type of crass idiots to talk about money, his salary etc they are deeply insecure. They won't pay the blindest bit of attention to your house, in fact they would hate if you were competition.

I honestly don’t think anyone will be judging you. DD goes to a fee paying 6th form where a lot of her friends are very rich, others are stretched to pay the fees and others are on a bursary. There’s been a run of parties this past few weeks and the difference is vast from a catered marquee in the garden, to an entire restaurant and last weekend a 3 bed on a very normal street. The last was the one DD enjoyed the most. I asked her why and she said her friends parents were lovely, there were great sausage rolls and it felt more relaxed.

I’m sure neither the kids nor the parents will judge your home is smaller etc. They’ll likely be in awe you’re both doctors and doing something way more worthwhile than finance.

I would definitely reciprocate as I would consider it rude not to.

This has really made me chuckle - I'm definitely going to claim this.

Oh what? This house? This is only temporary whilst out mansion is being renovated. Such a pain I know!

Yes?

Yeah, kids love trampolines.

Surely we’re all meant to be teaching kids that they are just as good as one another, rich or poor. If your kids see you embarrassed by not having a massive house, that in turn teaches them that a kid from a council flat is ‘less than’ them. These days surely most sensible rich parents would want their kids exposed to a variety of lifestyles in the hope of keeping them somewhat grounded - though the house of two GPs is hardly seeing how the other half lives anyway!

Our house, a 3 bed semi is in a bad condition. Dd3 goes to a fee paying school and she doesn't really invite girls from her school though she has invited a couple of boys (rich) from the boarding school! It could be she is embarrassed but I'm not.
Dd2 is married and her dh comes from a very wealthy family, his parents are tax exiles, all their dc went to Clarendon public schools, have houses here, there and everywhere. It doesn't seem to phaze him visiting us.
I'd probably arrange the play date somewhere else though.

My best friend in secondary school had wealthy parents. Cottage in the grounds where the housekeeper and groundman lived, swimming pool, tennis court.
My mother never cared, I am certain my friends parents didn’t care and my friend and I didn’t care.
Return the invite and let the children have a fun play date.

Oh maybe!

If you send your child to a school where you are (according to you) one of the 'poor' parents, and then refuse to invite (or allow your child to invite) their school friends round if their parents are better off than you (i.e., most of their classmates), then you'll seriously restrict your child's ability to develop and maintain friendships as they grow older. Get over yourself, sooner rather than later.

I thought she meant those of the back office crowd who hope to marry a banker?

We had this situation.

I didn't reciprocate the play date.

What am I gonna say, come over and go on our trampoline???

I live in a very nice area and people who know me are like ooooo rich now are you. That is not the case. Brought up on a council estate living literally on the cheapest food, going nowhere. Just because. We have done well over the past 25yrs doesn't make us judge anyone else. People who don't know us think we do because of where we live but I've not moved out of my roots. You could come to my detached bungalow in the semi rural village and I would have no qualms about bringing my kids to a play date in the middle of town to a tiny terrace house and sit on the floor or settee to eat chicken nuggets and chips. There would be no judgement at all. It is you with the judgement not the people who you are thinking of inviting. You're judging them without knowing them. If they do judge then, they're not worth your time or energy. If you're worried just say you're more than welcome to come over on such and such, we don't have the gorgeous space you do but you'll be made very welcome. I always say it won't be tidy but you'll be made more than welcome if you come. I have 3 kids with additional needs so if it's tidy I have managed an impossible feat of getting someone for all 3 😂. That way they won't be expecting a mansion.

I have a friend whose XH now dates a finance bimbo

WTF is a ‘finance bimbo’ 😂. I worked in finance until I had to leave my job to care for my profoundly disabled son. I don’t think anyone has ever considered me a bimbo though! I have a first class degree in economics from LSE, don’t wear make up and mainly live in leggings and a hoodie 😬.

I just can’t believe you’ve got to the stage of having a medical degree without thinking about these values before. Of course, some people are able to earn a lot of money but this doesn’t make them better than you. surely most people would respect a doctor as much as someone who flogs loans for a living. Is Jeff Bezos better than a pediatric oncologist?