Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reciprocating a play date with super rich couple - feel uncomfortable

489 replies

partytimed · 30/09/2025 08:34

Our DC go to a few paying school. We are financially ok but we stretch to pay the fees, my GP salary is spent purely on school fees and my husbands salary pays the mortgage and all other expenses. We chose to do that and are happy with that. However one thing I’ve become aware of if the massive wealth at the school. We are both doctors in the NHS and definitely among the “poorer” parents at the school, most are in finance. This hasn’t bothered me really but our DD was invited to a play date with a friend and the couple lived in a mansion, 7 bedroom, pool etc. I found it intimidating, I told my DH and he thinks I’m being foolish and I know I am, but I can’t help how I feel and that we will be judged for our perfectly nice three bedroom semi detached house.

Now we need to reciprocate the play date and I feel anxious about it. The parents are lovely but quite money focussed and I don’t want them to talk about us with other super rich parents at the school. So far we have socialised with others more on our level and even though many have bigger houses they seem down to earth but this couple are next level and I feel awkward about having them over. How can I manage this?

OP posts:
theleafandnotthetree · 30/09/2025 08:43

partytimed · 30/09/2025 08:40

The reason I think they’re money focussed is because of how they talk about their house and the husband’s salary, they are very proud of it and seem to move in very wealthy circles.

Well that sounds like their problem, you don't need to view yourselves threw their (crappy) worldview. You are doctors for God's sake! Intelligent, educated, useful. But even if you were none of those things, you still would have no need to feel like anything other than a person of value getting through the days like us all.

MayaPinion · 30/09/2025 08:43

Good grief - you’re both doctors! You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Everyone already knows that you are both super smart and comfortably off, even if you’re not super rich. The rich people already know roughly how much you make. They know you’re not super wealthy, but your kids are friends, they know you’re good people, and they’re probably thrilled their child wants to spend time with yours.

Original poster
partytimed · 30/09/2025 08:43

it was a whole family invitation with lunch whilst the children played so I feel to properly reciprocate I would need to do the same not just take their kids to the park. I agree not doing it will cause judgment as well I just know it’s going to be really awkward.

OP posts:
PIPERHELLO · 30/09/2025 08:42

They are probably intimidated about your intelligence and prestigious/respected job.

You need to lose the under confidence!! Sorry don’t mean to be harsh! It probably makes you a great, less arrogant GP! But lose it elsewhere.

GreenGodiva · 30/09/2025 08:41

Honestly I think not reciprocating will create a ton more judgement. As others have said, you don’t need to invite the kids to your house if you don’t want to. Take them to a play centre/park/swimming/cinema.

FrothyCothy · 30/09/2025 08:41

We don’t have the fee paying school issue but we do have a house that looks like it’s falling down so rarely reciprocate play dates unless it’s families we know really well, as I don’t love having people over. Instead we tend to offer to take the kids out for the day instead.

stayathomegardener · 30/09/2025 08:40

In this day and age with NHS waits there’s a huge amount of cachet in having Dr friends.
DD was friends with a Doctors daughter at school and her parents were very generous with medical guidance over the years.
We were in a better position financially but the relationship was very balanced, I am still grateful to them 20 years later.

Original poster
partytimed · 30/09/2025 08:40

The reason I think they’re money focussed is because of how they talk about their house and the husband’s salary, they are very proud of it and seem to move in very wealthy circles.

OP posts:
Original poster
partytimed · 30/09/2025 08:39

I don’t want to reciprocate. My DH has said it’s rude not to. I’m not normally insecure about things like this but it’s the massive disparity and I do feel like they’ll be judging us.

OP posts:
SheherazadesSpringNonsense · 30/09/2025 08:38

Why do you think they are ‘money focussed’? I’m sure they are aware that some people have more money than others. In the same way that you don’t think badly of other people who have a smaller house than you. Do you? Just have the child over, give them a nice tea and don’t think any more about it.

SunnyCoco · 30/09/2025 08:38

If people are unkind enough to judge someone for their wealth then that's their problem not yours.

Also you're just assuming this might happen, nobody has actually said anything mean?
Don't restrict your childs friendships over something that's all in your mind x

Hurumphh · 30/09/2025 08:37

You don’t have to reciprocate at all if you don’t want to. You could meet in a park or public place instead? Offer to pick their kid up as company for yours because you’re going out somewhere.

Or have them over, but use it as a lesson for yourself to learn to feel your anxiety and reassure yourself that you’re okay. Might get easier with practice. Character building.

Bellevue858 · 30/09/2025 08:36

There will always be someone richer than you, and someone poorer. Does it really matter?!

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 30/09/2025 08:36

Could you look on Airbnb and hire the biggest house available for the play date? Or claim you are only living in your current house while you are completely renovating your mansion?