Reciprocating a play date with super rich couple - feel uncomfortable

Agreed… I have a few GP friends/acquaintances and they’re all loaded, all work part time and all their kids go to private school!

@daddysgirlnot Honestly - could you creep more? Do you know which degree gives the best salary return of all? Yes, it’s medicine. (Source IFS). They rarely have the financial jeopardy of being out of work. Great part time opportunities - try running a growing business part time! All those opportunities abroad and working in private medicine. And the pensions! Gold plated and the best and mostly paid for by the rest of us. Striking is pissing people off after a huge pay rise last summer. And, yes they can afford a private school! These underpaid poor folk! Honestly!

I totally understand OP… Hubby & I married when we were very young. All of DD’s friends’ parents were much older than us therefore further up the property ladder etc and I used to feel rubbish going to their huge houses, then inviting them all back to our teensy 2 bedroomed semi. But these were DD’s friends, so we invited them back to ours in order to foster/maintain her friendships. The parents were always very gracious. No idea if we were ever talked about. DD is now 30, married herself, and those primary school friends were her bridesmaids. Ultimately where you live is not as important as HOW you live. I think you and your husband are inspirational. You prioritised your children’s’ education, when you could have used your salary for a different lifestyle. (Also thank you for all you do… Drs don’t get paid enough, and GPs get a terrible press lately. There’s not enough of you)

So we are exactly the same as you (substitute doctors for dentists) Our kids have friends with massive houses, pools, horses. Parents have always been really welcoming. We've had plenty of sleepovers and playdates at our very ordinary house over the years and never once felt judged. Don't overthink it.

I know you didn’t. As I said, the personality of the parents wasn’t a consideration for us when choosing our child’s independent school. And my second point was that why would anyone think that parents who choose to send their children to independent schools (ergo, those with more money) would be nicer than anyone else?

I would say reciprocate the playdate. Remember even though the parents are wealthy now, there is a good chance that they may not have grown up in a family with wealth and likely therefore won't judge at all. If they do judge, then that is awful but says more about them than it does about you. You deservedly hold one of the most well respected professions that there is. Its not your fault that society is skewed when it comes to certain jobs being better financially compensated than others.

I didn’t mean “nicer” as in having more money. I meant “nicer” as in “nicer”! The parents the OP is talking about sound vile.

Wow - this post really is the definition of mo money mo problems

I can’t stand people like this. I wouldn’t want to be friends with them, it’s a shame your children mix. It’s all very ‘I’m incredibly richer than youuuuu’

Dd has had incredible experiences because of this family and has met very interesting people.

Think some of my friends who have gone private are quite pissed off at state school dds social circle - I know they are actually as they have said as much in jest!

We have found the super rich to be very kind. One family member of theirs from overseas was questioning the girls about their schools and the mum told him the only reason they hadn’t chosen dds school for their dd was an entirely made up reason. Like hell would their child have ever gone to dds school 😀. Fair enough!

Yes please do it for your kids. I was the ‘poor’ kid in a rich school ( had scholarship type thing) and my two best friends parents were rich ( Tatler rich) . They were always very kind to me and if my parents had not allowed / fostered the friendship
s ( we took my friends away with us on holidays ) I would have missed out on friends for life.. their parents also helped me a lot with advice when it got to University and careers etc that my parents weren’t able to help with

Absolutely completely irrelevant how wealthy people are. What matters is how decent and kind they are. There are wankers from literally every walk of life - I know, I’ve met loads 😂- and I’ll start by not judging anyone for their circumstances, money or no money.

OP please go ahead with the play date and put your worries aside for the sake of the children.
We currently live in one of the ‘bigger’ houses and when we have play dates parents say things like “oh we must get a bigger house”, “oh you can’t come to mine with a house like this”. My children don’t often get invites back and they are the loveliest kind children. I find myself wondering if the parents think they’ll be judged? For context I grew up in a council house and I don’t care if you live in a cardboard box if you’re a decent human being and my children like playing with yours. I’ve been on both ends of the scale and you can’t win. Facilitate the play date and be proud of your achievements - you are a GP and the respect for doing that job goes way beyond any mansion!

I lived in a council house and my parents paid my children's school fees. Even had the headteacher of the school round my house for coffee once 🤣
I would say just worry about you and yours. As long as you are plodding along and happy 🖕🏻what anyone else thinks xx

And why would anyone think people are ‘nicer’ because they have more money? There are cunts from all wealth brackets.

That wasn’t even in the top 20 reasons we chose an independent school. Not even a consideration, in fact.

I thought one of the reasons people
choose private schools was for nicer parents……

Don’t worry about it. My kids went to one and were the ‘poor’ kids in comparison to some. It didn’t matter to them, their friends or the parents. Not everyone at private is super rich, living in mansions. (Well not then, maybe since the price hikes you have to be).

I’m really surprised you feel that way (inferior), as a doctor.

I also think that pp is projecting her own insecurities onto the child’s questions.

Remember how mortified I was when Dd at a similar age asked my single friend where her children were.

Or just be happy with your lot, proud of your house, family and lifestyle and just accept there will be differences like this and that it's ok.

They are allowed to be money-oriented, and it's great that they, and others, are in the position they are in, but it's ok to be in a different position.

If you're comfortable in yourself, they will be comfortable around you. I dont think you should do the above, there is nothing worse than someone who pretends to be someone they're not.

I have a similar issue and I always just think about the children and the fun they’ll have. Children love having their friends over - they don’t really care if your house is smaller than theirs. It’s all about how much fun they have and if they feel safe and happy in your home. If their child comes home saying they’ve had a great time, that’s all they should care about. You’re two GPs - it’s a highly respected line of work, compared to ‘working in finance’

I have quite a big house and invited a mum and her son around to play with our son. I could tell she was intimidated as she kept asking about my house whereas I just wanted the kids to play. She never invited us back which made me a little sad as the kids had got on. I really hope most parents just do play dates for their children’s sake and wouldn’t judge you. Also note, you don’t have to reciprocate the same type of play date they offered you so long as you reciprocate something.

Invite them round for the kids sake, make small talk and don't waste any time worrying about what they think. I doubt they care, and if by any chance they do judge you because they have more money then their opinions are worthless anyway. Besides, being a doctor is considered to be high status anyway, so if they are status/money obsessed they will probably judge you favourably as a result.

You beat me to it. Five year olds don't ask those questions to be judgemental. It's a fantastic age where kids observational skills and curiosity are at their peak.
My five year old granddaughter asks those sorts of questions constantly. They're full of 'why...?s' and 'what...?s' at that age.