Reciprocating a play date with super rich couple - feel uncomfortable

YABVU. My DS was friends with child of multi millionaire household name couple and I never considered our 1930s semi an embarrassment.

It really is all in your head.

You are waaaay overthinking this.

Have their kid to tea if yours get on. No need to reciprocate with the parental invite if they are not your bag. You can't gel with everyone. "Thank you so much for lunch, it was lovely. Can Matilda come to tea next week? How does Thursday sound?"

Likely they're boastful because they feel insecure compared to your career status.

Quite honestly the last thing I would want to do is socialise with people who talk about their house and the husband’s salary like you have said - they sound extremely shallow and vulgar. I would just invite thwir children for tea after school and not have the parents round. Life’s too short to waste your time socialising with people like that.

It’s tricky as despite not clicking, they extended and you accepted a whole family invite to lunch. That says to me they are showing off somewhat.

When my son was young he had a friend who lived in a mansion, in be a road of mansions and a mix of professionals and sports people as neighbours The difference was the dad was a builder and built the house himself, the parents both came from working class background and whilst they were rightly proud of what they’d built up, they weren’t showy or in any judgmental of those with less. We did have a genuine friendship with the parents.

I’m not sure reciprocation will be expected with this family, if you don’t click.

The irony here is that you're assuming a lot and judging them.

I think you do need to reciprocate op. They will think more negative things if they feel you are rude than if you live in a smaller house.

HOWEVER, don't feel you need to "repay" like for like. That was their gesture because they probably have plenty of cleaning help and a great venue for that style of hosting. It's your call to host as you wish. No harm in offering a lovely trip to the other child to the theatre and a grown up cream tea. Or cinema or whatever you think the children would really enjoy.

People can't force you to do things their way just by doing it first. Choose what works for you and offer hospitality your way.

You could have the reciprocal playdate somewhere like a petting farm, or soft play, or similar. Not at your house. If that would make you more comfortable.

Great advice. I’d suggest renting for a few weeks. Get a few play dates in and mention your future renovation. Maybe take a few boxes to show you’ve started packing. ‘Move’ to your 3 bed semi indefinitely.

so really…. This is life. If they’re classy they’d never say a word! If they’re not… well you don’t need to worry about that. You’ve got great jobs to talk about, they’ll love being friends with people they do worthy work.

Pros and cons to private schooling. This is probably partially what you’re paying for, mingling with the elite? It wouldn’t be for me, I prefer having a normal cross section of society around our family.

Wealth DOES divide people, however much we like to say it shouldn’t.

I think a lot of people are judging these people by their own standards...just because you wouldn't judge someone, doesn't mean everyone is like that. If the op really clicked with them and they were the type to not discuss their wealth publicly I'd say go for it, it will be fine. But how the ops describing it, no I wouldn't have a reciprocal playdate.

We had a playdate with a girl in dds class...she was very sweet and polite but genuinely flabbergasted that we only had one car. They have five.

We’ve got a big house, like the one you’re describing. I’d be totally mortified if someone didn’t want to reciprocate because they thought we’d be snobby about their house or income!

Just invite them and if they sit there boasting about their income don’t invite them again as they’re not very nice people.

Be happy and confident with what you have. One of my friends who felt like you didn’t reciprocate play dates for a couple of years due to her feeling similar to you. But this was her issue and not mine. Now she is very comfortable having me in her house.

It is awkward if you can’t reciprocate. But you need to decide if you care enough about having an ongoing relationship with these parents. If not, don’t bother and hang out with the more down to earth people.

(also people who are truly wealthy don’t gloat about it)

You should examine your prejudice. Just because they are money focused doesn’t mean they will judge you for having a 3 bed house. Do you judge people for having 2 bed houses? maybe you are projecting somehow? Rich people are fully aware that most salaries don’t pay as well as their own.

Did you like them and could they become friends? If yes, I’d invite the family. If not, just invite the child out on a cinema trip or similar.

Honestly, I’d just go with the flow. If they talk about you, they talk about you. There’s no sign they will - you say they seem ok.

Imagine how much worse you’d feel if your DH was a bus driver and you didn’t work.

You’re being ridiculous. You are a GP for crying out loud! You are worth a thousand of some materialistic flash Harry who works in finance. Why are you measuring your worth by house size when you literally save lives day in day out?

Hold your head up high and know your worth! I really despair of this Instagram generation who value great cars and houses over great people.

How old are the kids? The family invite makes it sound like they are quite young? I think at primary age it’s often sensible to do the first playdate in a way that allows you to meet the parents if the other child but I wouldn’t expect to keep socialising as whole families afterwards.
Maybe make the offer but be clear you’re happy to have the child at yours/take them out somewhere without the parents?

If there are other parents at the school who are in a similar situation to you, I’m sure these parents will have encountered them and been gracious.

We’re not private school, but the school is quite mixed. We have a small house with a garden and some of DC’s friends who live in flats have come to tea and said we live in a “mansion” because we have 3 bedrooms and a garden!

It’s all relative… don’t worry about it and for goodness’ sake don’t tell lies about your situation as some have suggested.

I wouldn't reciprocate a playdate if they are like this.

Stop being silly about it, and invite them over! If there’s any gossiping afterwards, you’ve found out quickly what sort of people they are.
More likely they’ll be lovely, and could become good friends!

I have friends who have a massive complex about being the poor kids in a private school. They think it is the worst thing you can be. Much better off in a school where you have a similar lifestyle to a good amount of your peers. Even if it means buying a house in an area with good state schools.

But they went without nearly all holidays, fancy gifts, toys and lots of fun to pay the school fees and neither have jobs that they couldn't have gotten with a state education. The brother has huge baggage from it and never feels up to scratch.

The ONLY thing you need to be worried about is if they start pulling their trousers down in the middle of lunch so you can inspect their haemorrhoids 😁

Maybe the other family feel anxious that you are more educated and have a more wholesome life. Two doctors in the family is a priceless commodity that you can't put a value on. Hold your head high, a big house and money are not necassarily the things that people value. Your family will always be respected for the contributions you give to society.

In fact you're judging them.
You're judging that because they have more money, they'll think and act a certain way. You've offered no evidence for it, it's just arising from your insecurities.

Edited to add: one can be proud of what one has achieved (job, seniority , money) without looking down on others who have different paths or made different choices - and if they are proud of it, it suggests that they didn't come from money and are still adjusting to the novelty of it, so should understand about having less perfectly well.

If they did judge, that would say more about them than it does about you, and should be ignored.

Currently, you're penalising their child for their parents having more money than you - which you should realise is both ridiculous and something you would hate if people penalised your child for how much money you & DH have.

So please take a deep breath, give yourself a shake, and get on with reciprocating. It's a play date. The important thing is the children having fun. And people's lives are enriched by having contacts with people different to them, in all walks of life.