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Original poster

Should my friend offer to wash up when I’ve cooked for her?

197 replies

Wonderwall25 · 29/09/2025 21:09

As above really. My friend comes over once a month and vice-versa and we cook for each other and catch up.

I always offer to help with the washing up at hers, but she doesn’t ever offer when at mine.

I find this rude. However, when I’ve mentioned to DP he says he wouldn’t expect a guest to wash up so thinks IBU.

Would you usually offer or is it just me?

OP posts:
ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 30/09/2025 19:22

I always offer to help. They usually say no, but it’s nice to offer.

Sennelier1 · 30/09/2025 19:05

I don't expect my friends to help in the kitchen or washing up. When we're invited I always say to just yell if they want me to do anything - sometimes they will ask to fold the napkins or such stuff. Only at larger gatherings we all lend a hand to make it easier for the host. So no, I don't expect my guests to help washing up.

Holdonforsummer · 30/09/2025 19:01

Just stop offering to wash up at hers, it’s weird!

gjkvdtj · 30/09/2025 18:58

I would NEVER expect a guest to wash up. How bizarre.

Shr3dding · 30/09/2025 18:53

ConnieHeart · 30/09/2025 18:25

I always offer to help wash up & I always help to scrape plates etc, unless I've been specifically told not to! As you & your friend take it in turns I would offer but would stop if she didn't!

Oh gawd, what kind of evenings are you all having, I'd rather stay at home with a packet of crisps than get involved with group plate scraping, sounds awful 😂

spicetails · 30/09/2025 18:52

Nope. Wouldn’t expect it at all.

Shr3dding · 30/09/2025 18:51

mrlistersgelfbride · 29/09/2025 22:35

I’d offer to wash up if someone had cooked me dinner.
I got this from my parents, they always used to do the washing up when we all stayed with my grandparents for a week; my grandparents made the meals and parents washed up.
I’m weird too- I hate feeling lazy sitting around like a lemon whilst other people are busy 😆

Who does the washing up while the guests are still there, that's a bit rude

TiredMummma · 30/09/2025 18:49

I HATE people doing my dishes when they are guests. They never wash them properly, pile them up disgustingly or don’t do the dishwasher properly or break stuff. Guests are guests and they should stay like that

StrongLikeMamma · 30/09/2025 18:27

Wonderwall25 · 30/09/2025 16:55

My friend used that exact term. How else would you describe it - ballooned? I would find that far more offensive, personally.

Show quote history

People who fatshame others have shitty personalities…. At least your “friend “ can lose the weight…

I’d rather be fat than an arsehole.

ConnieHeart · 30/09/2025 18:25

I always offer to help wash up & I always help to scrape plates etc, unless I've been specifically told not to! As you & your friend take it in turns I would offer but would stop if she didn't!

Verv · 30/09/2025 17:58

BatchCookBabe · 30/09/2025 16:51

That was a below-the-belt comment wasn't it?! Shock

We don't have a dishwasher, (never have had one,) but it's because I don't personally see the point in one, and have never needed one, not because we're too poor! What a batshit comment! 😆

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Perhaps you need to familiarise yourself with the difference between "batshit" and being entirely facetious towards a woman who's publicly moaning that her fat friend doesn't do her washing up for her.

Take your time.

paradisecircus · 30/09/2025 17:58

I wouldn't expect a guest to wash up and I wouldn't expect to do it at theirs. Surely you just want to sit and chat after dinner, and you can sort the pots out later after they've gone.

SusiQ18472638 · 30/09/2025 17:55

Would never let a guest wash up, and wouldn’t expect them to offer either.

Livpool · 30/09/2025 17:39

Do you even like this friend OP?!

Livpool · 30/09/2025 17:38

I wouldn’t let my guest wash up - it is their night off from chores if I am hosting

menopausalfart · 30/09/2025 17:29

Just serve her food on an edible plate which she can eat for desert. Sorted.

Goditsmemargaret · 30/09/2025 17:22

DaisyChain505 · 30/09/2025 17:00

I would never ask, expect or let a guest wash up in my home.

and as for her “raiding” the freezer for dessert, I wouldn’t think twice if my close friends went and helped themselves to something.

Edited

Exactly. Strange choice of words by OP. She sounds really nasty, a true fat shamer.

Goditsmemargaret · 30/09/2025 17:21

Wonderwall25 · 30/09/2025 16:55

My friend used that exact term. How else would you describe it - ballooned? I would find that far more offensive, personally.

Show quote history

Ballooned?! Wtf is wrong with you? I'm not sure why you would use any other expression that gained weight but actually why are you mentioning it at all? Your post is allegedly about washing up but clearly a segue to spew some judgemental bile.

DaisyChain505 · 30/09/2025 17:00

I would never ask, expect or let a guest wash up in my home.

and as for her “raiding” the freezer for dessert, I wouldn’t think twice if my close friends went and helped themselves to something.

InMyShowgirlEra · 30/09/2025 16:57

I'd never dream of letting a guest wash up. YABVU.

Original poster
Wonderwall25 · 30/09/2025 16:55

Goditsmemargaret · 30/09/2025 16:51

I can't believe people still refer to weight gain as letting themselves go.

You're not a friend OP.

My friend used that exact term. How else would you describe it - ballooned? I would find that far more offensive, personally.

OP posts:
BatchCookBabe · 30/09/2025 16:52

Bearbookagainandagain · 30/09/2025 16:48

You're quite nasty yourself!

OP posted a simple question about etiquette, do you have to make it a personal attack?

Show quote history

That was a below-the-belt comment wasn't it?! Shock

We don't have a dishwasher, (never have had one,) but it's because I don't personally see the point in one, and have never needed one, not because we're too poor! What a batshit comment! 😆

BatchCookBabe · 30/09/2025 16:51

Bearbookagainandagain · 30/09/2025 16:48

You're quite nasty yourself!

OP posted a simple question about etiquette, do you have to make it a personal attack?

Show quote history

That was a below-the-belt comment wasn't it?! Shock

We don't have a dishwasher, (never have had one,) but it's because I don't personally see the point in one, and have never needed one, not because we're too poor! What a batshit comment! 😆

Goditsmemargaret · 30/09/2025 16:51

I can't believe people still refer to weight gain as letting themselves go.

You're not a friend OP.

Bearbookagainandagain · 30/09/2025 16:48

Verv · 30/09/2025 16:27

I think its nice to have a friend who still comes to visit even though you are too poor for a dishwasher.
Does she find anything positive about you or she just being charitable?

Show quote history

You're quite nasty yourself!

OP posted a simple question about etiquette, do you have to make it a personal attack?

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