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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have a rule in my relationship: if I don’t want to be touched, that’s the end of the conversation?

60 replies

TheLuckyLimeHiker · 29/09/2025 19:14

It’s not about rejection or lack of affection, it’s about boundaries. Sometimes I just don’t want physical contact and I don’t think I should have to explain or justify it every time.
It’s not that I expect my partner to read my mind, I communicate it clearly but once I’ve said “not right now”, I don’t want to be guilted, questioned or made to comfort him about it.

AIBU to think that “no” or “not right now” should be accepted without emotional fallout?

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 29/09/2025 19:29

I agree OP. Sometimes I can't stand to be touched. Unfortunately it's not always that simple and what seems like an obvious thing to you might be interpreted as a very personal rejection. That's what these things need to be talked about. Also I think its important you (or I) accept a quid pro quo, it may not be about touching it could be not wanting to talk or hear about your day or be in the same room when in a particular head space. It feels different when you are on the receiving end of it.

Thecowardlydonkey · 29/09/2025 19:28

It concerns me that you would need a rule like that. It is something that should go without saying and you should be able to take for granted.

Didimum · 29/09/2025 19:28

Depends. If I touched my husband’s hand to give it a squeeze or lent over to give him a cuddle, it’s fine if he doesn’t want to he touched, but I’d expect more than a ‘no’ or ‘not right now’. That would be hurtful and blunt. I’d expect a dash more explanation, and I’d afford the same to him.

Tigerthatcametobrunch · 29/09/2025 19:28

TheLuckyLimeHiker · 29/09/2025 19:25

Not a euphemism, I meant any physical contact. It could be a hand squeeze, a cuddle or more intimate touch. I think context matters of course but sometimes I just want my body to be mine without negotiation, and I think that should be okay. It’s not about pushing someone away emotionally, just having space respected without guilt or pressure.

Show quote history

Whilst I don't think you're wrong, my heart would break if I went to hold my partners hand or have a quick hug and I was told not right now or no. Personally I couldn't live like that. Whilst of course everyones boundaries should be respected, I think as part of that you should recognise that yours are quite extreme and likely to be hard for many partners to accept.

HappiestSleeping · 29/09/2025 19:28

@TheLuckyLimeHiker as long as you are happy the other way around too, and can find someone who works on the same basis, then absolutely fine. I suspect you are limiting your available pool though as most people might want to hold hands etc.

Then again, relationships are all about finding the right fit, and at least you know what you do / do not want.

Original poster
TheLuckyLimeHiker · 29/09/2025 19:25

Tess592 · 29/09/2025 19:18

Is 'touched' a euphemism for sex? I can't tell if you're talking about a pat on the hand or penetration. You're not being unreasonable in either case but I'd be a bit upset if my other half frequently turned down a hand squeeze.

Not a euphemism, I meant any physical contact. It could be a hand squeeze, a cuddle or more intimate touch. I think context matters of course but sometimes I just want my body to be mine without negotiation, and I think that should be okay. It’s not about pushing someone away emotionally, just having space respected without guilt or pressure.

OP posts:
Teado · 29/09/2025 19:20

Agree. Nothing worse than being pawed at hopefully. Cringe.

TwistedWonder · 29/09/2025 19:19

Of course it should be accepted. No means no - end of story

Tess592 · 29/09/2025 19:18

Is 'touched' a euphemism for sex? I can't tell if you're talking about a pat on the hand or penetration. You're not being unreasonable in either case but I'd be a bit upset if my other half frequently turned down a hand squeeze.

WonderingWanda · 29/09/2025 19:17

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