To have a rule in my relationship: if I don’t want to be touched, that’s the end of the conversation?

This sounds awful to me. Sometimes people want and need a hug from their partner. "Not right now"? Fuck that.

Only place I’ve ever heard it, ymmv

I’d say “sorry I’m feeling a bit touched out” if I didn’t want to be touched, as long as he respects your boundaries and is comfortable with them it shouldn’t be an issue.
But you don’t want to end up in a position where he feels uncomfortable touching you or afraid to initiate sex.

Yeah, this. But then perhaps the relationship is already damaged if OP even feels the need for such extreme rules. I wouldn’t stay in a relationship where my partner rejected basic non-sexual contact.

I mean you do you, however it's not a common reaction.

Have you had issues in the past with other relationships?

Since when is that a MN expression?

“patting my shoulder/bum on his way past”

Finally, finally, I think I have grasped the meaning of the MN expression “the ick”

You are free to create that as a boundary. But I wouldn't like it in a relationship. When for instance if I came home from a hard day and felt like I wanted a hug and you said "sorry I can't be touched right now," I would respect it but it would also damage our relationship. Maybe you and your partner are just not compatible.

OP, it sounds like you’re being a but rigid with this and your partner doesn’t get when it is and isn’t okay or might not have their needs beimg met. You might be wrong for each other or you might need to have a conversation at a neutral time.

I have chronic pain and some sensory stuff and I almost lost my partner from saying no to physical touch without talking it out. What helps us is finding a way to receive or give affection when even a gentle touch hurts. For example sometimes I can’t be touched but I can hug him or rest my feet on him. Or maybe you need a time out to reset if you’re touched out but he’d feel better if you expressed it centred around you “I’m overstimulated, I can’t handle touch right now” vs “don’t touch me”. Of course you don’t HAVE to give any reason, your body your choice. But do you want the social consequence of that? Is the pain of discussing it worth the pain of your partner feeling rejected.

And like a PP pointed out it really matters if it’s a few days a month, year or week

I think this is a bit much of a boundary. No escalating of touch - absofuckinglutely. You’re allowed to cuddle on the couch without it meaning hands going elsewhere and sex. But for most of us, why be in a relationship if we can’t casually touch them? Relationships are not the same as how you interact with a casual friend or your colleague at work. I don’t always want my dh to pull me in for a cuddle, and pretty much never when I’m doing something, but patting my shoulder /bum on his way past is pretty unexceptionable, I’d expect that not to be a source of conflict unless there were exceptional circumstances - intense work pressure, you’re grieving etc.

Bit much 😕 if I try to take ny husbands hand and he recoils from me, you’re damn right I’m going to ask him why.

I mean sure, set any boundary you like.

But if he’s not on the same page as you, I wouldn’t expect the relationship to last very long.

Reality is that if he isn’t getting his needs met in this relationship (and I’m not talking about sex, I’m talking about human touch/contact and intimacy), he’ll likely look elsewhere. Not that that should stop you asserting your boundary. But I think that’s the reality.

I am a fairly tactile person. If my husband started rejecting my touch like that, no matter how nice he was about it, it would absolutely feel like a rejection. I’d be questioning things for sure.

Yes totally. But I do think you need to have a conversation about it rather than assuming someone will understand to do that.
From my perspective I can sometimes be a bit jumpy and not accept physical affection at first but will warm up to it with persistence. Some people are like that and may assume others are too if not directly told otherwise. So I think it's a good idea to just spell it out.
Also you'll weed out the terrible men who'd get angry about a boundary being set, immediately, by spelling it straight out. Rather than having to wait for them to try and push it.

You could not be less unreasonable.

i HATED this with ex-DP.

It’s low-level misogyny at best and downright abusive at worst.

If someone doesn’t want their body touched, that’s that. Sulking about it makes you a dick. 😠

I really want to guess now

Of course you should have your boundaries respected.

However, I think that needing to have "rules" in a relationship isn't a sign of a healthy relationship.

Is he often invasive of your space?

100%. No means no and your personal space and bodily autonomy are an absolute boundary. I can respect that someone may see this as important part of a relationship and if this causes issues then yes that needs addressing as to your compatibility perhaps but that’s separate from the issue of whether it is okay to force your touch or physical contact onto someone. Of course it isn’t okay.

I don’t know, the way I “hear” it in the post would be detrimental to the relationship. It feels like a barked instruction rather than looking for connection through communicating your need for stillness.

Are you confusing “having to justify myself” with him checking whether the whole relationship has gone south.
How is it actually working out ?

While body autonomy is understandable, how often do you say this and how long does each instance last for? Do you signal to your husband when it is ok for you to be touched? Are there specific instances that trigger such a reaction from you? While it might be tiring to explain your reasoning every time, from your husband's perspective, unless there are set situations when this happens it can be quite confusing and a sign of rejection. I personally would find these rules suffocating. How does he feel when you say it?

What about a quick peck on the cheek when saying goodbye in the morning? Is that off limits?

This is fine since you're both on the same page and it sounds like you've compatible needs/ ways to show affection. But this could become an issue where there's a difference in the needs of both parties.

We don’t paw each other as a precursor to sex, that would be creepy and weird.

So how do you do it?

DH and I aren’t very tactile people. We don’t hold hands or touch each other for no reason, that would be tickly and annoying. We comfort each other with words or by actions eg doing kind stuff for each other eg making a drink or fetching a a blanket etc. We do hug from time to time, but ask first. We don’t paw each other as a precursor to sex, that would be creepy and weird.

OP, you haven’t said why you sometimes feel this way, or how often, so this might not be as relevant.

i am generally quite a tactile person, but I do sometimes become overstimulated and in those moments I just need to have some space. I talked about this with my DH upfront and explained and we agreed I would say something like, “sorry but I’m feeling really touched out right now, I’ll come and check in with you when I’m feeling better”

that way he knows it’s temporary, nothing he’s done wrong, and that I’ll really value and enjoy that physical contact when I’m feeling better.

would you be able to have a conversation like this with your DH (at a time when you are okay with being touched!)?

Yes, you do always have the right to say no. But I would find it very upsetting, especially if it was more than once in a blue moon, and would not want to be in a relationship like that.