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Seething at MIL and her Christmas plans

382 replies

Christmasoutlaw · 29/09/2025 18:58

Name changed for this. Invited my parents and DH’s family for Christmas Day dinner. My mum is going through chemo and it’s import for me to spend this Christmas with her and the kids but didn’t want DH’s parents to feel left out. All accepted and all good.

A few days later MIL text DH asking if her sister, her DH and her young adult children were going to be invited to which DH politely said no as we simply don’t have the space to host another 5 adults as it was going to be a squeeze as it was. MIL went quiet for a few days and has now announced on the group chat that Christmas will be held at theirs as they have enough space for everyone and will be hosting.

This is just the latest in a long line of little annoyances but I’m feeling really enraged by this one. Of course we can choose not to go and have a quiet Christmas just with my parents and kids but I know DH will miss hanging out with his siblings not to mention the emotional blackmail he’ll get from his parents for not going.

I know I’m being a bit unreasonable because in fairness, I’m sure MIL would be happy to have my parents as well but they live in the opposite direction to my mum and dad so it would be around an hour drive each way for them and I’m not sure my mum will be up for it.

I’d much rather do our own thing at home and I’m coming round to the idea of spending all the money we save on hosting loads of people on having a fancy Christmas (M&S fanciness) instead but dreading the inevitable fall out when MIL doesn’t get her own way.

OP posts:
Itiswhysofew · 29/09/2025 19:06

Christmases change and grown ups have to accept that. Your MIL doesn't mind suiting herself, so why should you?

Fleur405 · 29/09/2025 19:05

Adults who have tantrums when they don’t get their own way are only able to do that because all the other adults around them put up with it.

Just tell her you’re sorry she can no longer make it to yours. And then crack on as planned!

RandomMess · 29/09/2025 19:05

If your Mum isn’t up to a full day at yours DH, you & DC could go to the in-laws in the evening.

sladtheinkaler · 29/09/2025 19:03

Is the problem that MIL will be cross if you and DH have Christmas at hme with your parents?

24Dogcuddler · 29/09/2025 19:02

I’d do the family Christmas you planned originally. Put yourself and your family first on this occasion.
You could see your husband’s family on another day.

Maxorias · 29/09/2025 19:02

Is it possible to have a quiet Christmas at yours but DH go spend a bit of time at his parents' to see his siblings ?

But otherwise I'd worry about your parents and let DH worry about his, especially since your mum will need your support given the situation.

SirBasil · 29/09/2025 19:00

in this case? i would tell DH that he can, of course, do whatever he wants but that i and the DCs would be spending Christmas as planned with my mum.

And then let him choose to upset you or his mum.

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