Seething at MIL and her Christmas plans

You and your DH can visit with his family on another day.

i wouldn’t be ok with my DH heading off to his parents and not spending the day with me and our child. Your nuclear family is the priority. Extended family often has to take turns once you reach adulthood.

Your Mum comes first and if MIL doesn’t like it - tough. I suspect she has form for this type of selfish behaviour. Your DH must make his own decision about Christmas. Have a fabulous time with all the most wonderful food, drinks and treats.

Respond swiftly with something along the lines of
‘Many thanks for the invitation but we won’t be able to join as we are hosting my parents at ours.’

And why do you think the OP wants a quiet Christmas with her mum, exactly?

Can’t you all go over on Boxing Day? Surely your DH can get over not seeing his siblings in actual Christmas Day- surely most people who are in a couple don’t see their siblings on Christmas Day itself every single year? I mean, if the siblings who were coming to yours and are now going to your MIL’s have spouses, they won’t see their siblings.

It's really rude to accept an invitation and then plan something else and expect everyone to fall into line.

Have Christmas at home with your parents. Pop in to see your in laws maybe on Boxing Day.

She is not being in the LEAST bit unreasonable

MiL can see ADULT dc on another day

So op should change christmas plans for her sick mother to suit MIL. If OPs mum doesn't want to go to MIL's then she will miss out of Xmas with one of her Dc's. So only MIL's Xmas happiness is actually important. Not OP's and not OP's sick mothers.
OP do Xmas how you like DH can either stay with you or go to his mums and his choice will tell you a lot about him I think.

The obvious solution is to have your family over for the day and at some point maybe after dinner your husband and kids can go to his mum's and you can enjoy a quiet evening with your parents. If Mil isn't happy so what, what's the worst that can happen?.

I suspect this is the first of many similar threads in the run up to ahem.... the season of goodwill, kindness, generosity and love. Yes that's right Christmas.

OP please discuss this heart to heart with your DH. Compromise and maybe suggest having your Christmas Day dinner and early evening with your folks, then DH can go over to his parents for the evening/night time with his siblings. He could stay over if he wants a drink. I know you will be on your own (unless Mum and Dad stay on with you) but personally I would prefer that than visiting MIL. Would that work?

Is this for real?
This situation was all of the MiL's making.
She had accepted OP's invitation and then had the cheek to try and force OP to invite other people along.
She obviously has no consideration of OP's mothers health.
OP should do what is best for her mother and herself and if her DH has any decency and loyalty he will be spending his Christmas day with his wife.

This

You are being unreasonable. You want a quiet Christmas with your mum, understandably, and your mil wants to host. You do what you want and let mil do what she wants. I can’t see why it’s such a big drama.

Would your mum even be allowed to go to such a big gathering? My mum is going through chemo as well and her oncology nurse has told her she needs to be very careful.

No its the MIL thats being unreasonable. She's literally taken over.

But your dh was never going to see his siblings on Christmas day anyway and your mil is possibly trying to find a way so she can see all her grandchildren on one day rather than trampling on your plans.

Having lost both my parents this is a no brainer for me. Mum comes first and MIL had no right to do this.

Did she forewarn you? If not, she is being massively unreasonable given that she had already accepted.

If it were me I’d totally crack on without them. You invited them, they don’t want to come, no need for drama, you just do Christmas at yours as planned.

Just stick with the original plan and if your inlaws aren’t there, that’s up to them and you can see them another time.

Just do as you originally planned especially given the circumstances. “Oh thanks for the offer but we’d in the circumstances we’d prefer to stick with our original plan, you’re still welcome to come over at any point though”

I'm of MIL's generation and it would never occur to me that it was my right to decide where the extended family Christmas should be!
My kids know that I'm always up for hosting if that's what they'd like, but it's down to them. They each have a set of in-laws too, and one DD has children. Two of my kids/their partners have very limited time off, one of them always working boxing day, and another sometimes having to work Christmas Day.

So I wait patiently and just keep my fingers crossed.

How dare she just announce it in the WhatsApp group without even asking anyone?!

You need to put your mum first in this scenario. You, DH and DC need to spend Christmas with her. PIL can do whatever the fuck they like.

You say that Dh will miss out on seeing his siblings if you don’t go, but sounds like he wasn’t going to see them anyway since they are not invited to yours…

I'm sorry you are having a tough time with your mother's health, but you do know you are being unreasonable, don't you? The only thing that would make you happy is if your MIL accepts not seeing one of her dc on Xmas day to suit you exactly? No other alternatives work? And she's being a bitch to want to spend xmas with both her dc?

Don't you dare let that woman trample over your plans. . Mad on your behalf op.