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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not send my son money for food?

89 replies

pleasecomebacksummer · 29/09/2025 18:42

My 14 year old came home from school today telling me he wants to go meet his friends (this is very rare). I say fine, what about tea? (He spent his £40 per month pocket money mostly on sweets so has no money to buy food). He asked if I can sent him money. I say no, either eat now or take food with you. He says no, I need to leave now and he’s not taking a bag. I say, well your choice don’t ask me to send you money

1 hour later he texts for money for food. Literally 20 texts begging. I say no and offer to pick him up early as he claims he’s starving. He says no, don’t do that

I stand my ground and don’t send him any money.

for back ground, I always offer him to ran extra money by doing jobs but he never wants to.

am I being unreasonable to not send him money? I think that if I bail him out all the time when I make it clear that I won’t, what message am I sending him?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 29/09/2025 18:48

If he rarely goes out then I would have given something as a one off this time and then talk to him about what you will do in future when home.

Goldenbear · 29/09/2025 18:47

I would send my late teen money for food so at 14 I think YABU unless of course you don't have it. I think if it is rare it would have been a nice thing to provide somas not to feel left out.

Newname71 · 29/09/2025 18:47

Maxorias · 29/09/2025 18:45

I'd be concerned that he wanted the money for something else than food. Sounds very weird that he HAS to buy food rather than eat before leaving or take a snack with him.

Any chance his friends wanted to buy alcohol or other such things ?

Not that weird if his friend had money for maccies or something. No one wants to turn up with a homemade sandwich if a McDonald’s is in the cards

TomatoSandwiches · 29/09/2025 18:46

I would have given him £5 and taken it out of next set of pocket money.

AmberSpy · 29/09/2025 18:45

Poor boy – at that age being able to go out with your mates and have a burger or similar is a huge deal! He won't be a teen for that long, let him make some memories with his friends.

Almost2026 · 29/09/2025 18:45

I’m on the fence, and probably would have given in.
You say he doesn’t go out very often so I’d be pleased that he was going out and it’s embarrassing for teens of all their friends are buying food and they can’t.
Id probably bring it up again next time his pocket money is due that he needs to remember to save some for future trips out.

Maxorias · 29/09/2025 18:45

I'd be concerned that he wanted the money for something else than food. Sounds very weird that he HAS to buy food rather than eat before leaving or take a snack with him.

Any chance his friends wanted to buy alcohol or other such things ?

Linenpickle · 29/09/2025 18:45

He never goes out with friends and so you were mean. You should have given him the money and taken it off the next pocket money.

Abominableday · 29/09/2025 18:44

Does sending him money mean you don't have enough? I'd have sent him enough for a cheap McDonalds, but not enough for a Nando's.
Depends how often he does it but it's quite nice for them to have friends and be sociable

Cocotok · 29/09/2025 18:44

I think given you’ve said it’s very rare for him to go out with friends yabu.

I get where you’re coming from about not always bailing him out but there’s a time and place for life lessons and I don’t think this is it. At 14 I would be encouraging him to make plans and meet up with friends and would certainly give a little extra cash to make that possible.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 29/09/2025 18:44

If he rarely sees his friends and it is something you want to encourage, I'd have (and do) chuck him a fiver for a meal deal or a savers thing from McDonalds. Unless you literally can't afford it obviously.

We're on the same team here, if it became a regular thing and was putting a strain on finances we'd have a word.

Newnamesameme · 29/09/2025 18:44

I wouldn't have let him go with no money, could you not have taken out of next weeks allowance. Or tell him he needs to agree to chores to earn in advance? It's probably quite embarrassing for him to have no money with friends

Littletreefrog · 29/09/2025 18:44

As someone who has a son who very rarely goes out with friends I would have given him the money as an advance on next months pocket money so he could have a nice time with his friends.

Newnamesameme · 29/09/2025 18:44

I wouldn't have let him go with no money, could you not have taken out of next weeks allowance. Or tell him he needs to agree to chores to earn in advance? It's probably quite embarrassing for him to have no money with friends