To not send my son money for food?

Gave not "have".

I get that, my DS has ADHD too. He’s a bugger for takeaways etc but also hates feeling left out. If his mates are eating out then I make sure he can too. 😊

Yes, I agree but I think it may be a bit of guilt on my part as my DD is a similar age and we have her £20 at weekend with friends for some food and general mooch around but her friend ended up buying her some art supplies she needed for school. I am obviously going to pay back but maybe her parents are thinking the same about us!

I have adhd as do my kids, so it would have felt even more heightened for him to be the odd one out, very anxiety provoking, hence the twenty text messages, have a heart

God how sad… poor lad 😢

YANBU, he needs to learn some lessons about money.

You should have given him the money op, sorry but he's a teenager, let him have fun with his friends, don't make him feel awkward about it, he might be discouraged to do it again, especially if his friends make fun of him for having no money.

Do you have teenage boys? 😆 Perhaps you do, but they don't sound typical if so.

I’d love my kids to see their friends more, part of their going out with friends always seems to involve going for food together whether it be a supermarket or maccy d. Let them just be themselves and part of the group with their friends doing the same thing.
youd be funding food in some form if he’s at home whether already bought or not, its no different in the scheme of things but helps build the sense of community and socialising with their peers.
i would never make my kids work for food.
i would however encourage jobs for shopping but still give a bit of spending money.
it doesn’t take much to be nice but it has a huge impact being the odd one out.

How unkind of you. I feel sorry for your ds, not everything has to be a teaching moment. If he knew for a week he was going then I would understand you trying to teach him about budgeting. It sounds like it was a spur of the moment thing and he was texting/ begging you to help him out as he had none of his own money left. As other posters said, he could have earned it back or or you could have taken it from next month. What you did was mean and probably very embarrassing for your ds. There are times we need to reflect as parents on where we go wrong - today is that day for you Op.

Exactly what I thought....poor kid.

My ds is a teen and doesn't often socialise but messaged me once as he had an impromptu McDonald's trip with some other students asking if I'd send him money for a meal... wouldn't occur to me to say no. I'd hate the idea of him not being able to join in.

Yes, that's how I think but my DD is lucky as they will all buy each other something if someone is short, not just food!

This thread has really upset me. I feel so sad for this kid 😟

I agree with other posters I feel sad for your ds having to sit there with no food while his mates are all chowing down. He probably felt embarrassed and humilliated.

A tenner for a teenager who rarely goes out is very little - most teens cost A LOT more than £40 a month.

You were being unreasonable on this occasion but i've got a feeling there is a drip-feed coming about how his dad never gives you a penny etc etc.

Yeah i edited my post as missed the (very important) rarely bit....

I was mentally picturing a teen who was regularly out all hours...

I feel for him and agree it was prob desperation to fit in. teenage years are rough...

My DH's parents were mean like this. Never gave him anything extra. He had to earn everything. He's an adult now and hates them for how begrudging they were to him as a child. Consequently, he goes to the ends of the earth for our DC and never begrudges them anything.

Surely the 20 messages was a sign of desperation as at his end he was trying to fit in - how sad for him..

I couldn’t think of my child bring hungry or not being able to buy food when his friends are. At that age my son sometimes clubbed together for a takeaway pizza with mates when out. It’s a fun thing to do.

As you said it's rare he goes out with friends I'd have absolutely sent him the money and dealt with how he's going to earn it back afterwards.

You're mean. I would never leave my DS without money. I am so happy when he goes out with friends so will always send money for KFC, Macca's, whatever.

Unless you are literally down to your last fiver there is no excuse. This is the kind of thing kids remember.

If you give me his Venmo details, I'll send him some money. Poor kid.

Oh I feel for him. He just wanted to fit in. Who wants to bring a packed tea out with friends and if the hang involves food then he looks different. I’d have sent him money and taken it out of next weeks pocket money.

As you say he rarely goes out I would have given him the money (and taken it out of future allowances). It's a bit sad to think of him out with his friends but not able to buy food.

Edited:

initially i though Yanbu.
He had various options to eat if he wanted and he wont starve from missing a singular meal.
The 20 texts would also piss me off and id say no.

Buttttt I assume this was a regular thing and missed the rarely bit!!!!!

Given that I think YABU...social stuff is big deal as a teen.
I would sent him a tenner and talk to him about planning in advance in future. If you feel that hard line about it take it off next months money

You should have given him a tenner.
At 14 he shouldn't be expected to pay for meals.