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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go back to the office full time

38 replies

Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 16:58

NC to avoid bias

I have been offered an interview for a new job.

Currently I am bored in my role. I work full time from home but actually do about 4 hours work a day. Pick kids up and can do school meetings, drs appointments. Kids have additional needs and nanny and childminder not an option.

New job is double my salary, 75k to 150k full time office based. Commute of 1.5 hours each way.

Grandma can help out but not all the time. DH works full time office based too. We need some extra money, things are tight.

Ybnbu - yes you should go for it
Ybu - no dont give uo flexibility and time with the kids

Please help me decide.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Original poster
Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 19:21

Sleepeatcrochetrepeat · 29/09/2025 18:18

Even without the Sen needs of your children, this would be a challenge. No childcare means you cannot realistically be out of the house for 3 hours commuting plus full time work, unless your dh is easily available for the kids. If childcare isn’t in place and completely robust, with a solid back up plan, you’re just setting yourself up for an awful lot of stress.

Sen kids add in another layer of complexity again. This is why I only work at weekends when I know dh is at home, because one of mine has been in and out of school like a yo-yo over the years. Add in the many meetings, appointments, events… I’m sorry op, I don’t think this is going to work if you have to be in an office. A more challenging role from home might work though, keep looking!

Thank you, yes therewill be other opportunities out there at some point. Will keep plugging away.

OP posts:
Sleepeatcrochetrepeat · 29/09/2025 18:18

Even without the Sen needs of your children, this would be a challenge. No childcare means you cannot realistically be out of the house for 3 hours commuting plus full time work, unless your dh is easily available for the kids. If childcare isn’t in place and completely robust, with a solid back up plan, you’re just setting yourself up for an awful lot of stress.

Sen kids add in another layer of complexity again. This is why I only work at weekends when I know dh is at home, because one of mine has been in and out of school like a yo-yo over the years. Add in the many meetings, appointments, events… I’m sorry op, I don’t think this is going to work if you have to be in an office. A more challenging role from home might work though, keep looking!

Original poster
Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 18:13

Starbells53 · 29/09/2025 18:06

It's rubbish being a SEND parent sometimes. I'm sorry you aren't able to go for it.

Thank you ❤it does feel like opportunities are missed for the entire family.
During summer holidays I took my son to the park and saw all the kids doing their sports summer camp and loving it. I felt so sad for him not being able to do those things. He did one hour of a tech camp he chose and begged me to go on, and I was called to pick him up because of safeguarding as he was trying to escape the room as it was too overwhelming and noisy.
And now I am sad for me and all of us as we could have done some lovely things with a bit of extra cash.
Never mind, onwards and upwards.

OP posts:
Starbells53 · 29/09/2025 18:06

It's rubbish being a SEND parent sometimes. I'm sorry you aren't able to go for it.

Original poster
Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 17:59

JLou08 · 29/09/2025 17:56

If your children's needs are so severe that they can't use mainstream childcare I would not be leaving a job that allows you to care for them whilst earning £75k. Depending on a Grandparent to care for disabled children isn't a safe bet. If things go wrong you may not find a salary anywhere near what you have now in a role that enables you to care for your DC.

Yep, I have come to the same conclusion.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 17:58

TeapotCollection · 29/09/2025 17:52

If you get the job can I have yours please? 75k working from home for 4 hours a day, yes please 😃

Exactly, I have it pretty good atm. Mainly as I can do my job with my eyes closed as its a few levels below my previous jobs. We have had some big bills lately though and the money would have sorted out all our problems.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 29/09/2025 17:56

If your children's needs are so severe that they can't use mainstream childcare I would not be leaving a job that allows you to care for them whilst earning £75k. Depending on a Grandparent to care for disabled children isn't a safe bet. If things go wrong you may not find a salary anywhere near what you have now in a role that enables you to care for your DC.

Original poster
Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 17:56

Update.. I have pulled out of the running. I can't see it working. DH said it will be a nightmare. I said if they are willing to change the in office needs then to contact me.
I can not see a situation where this will work. Mainly due to PP reminding me about holiday care. My kids won't do clubs. I have noone else to do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 17:53

Everyonceinawhile · 29/09/2025 17:45

I’m sure she has thought of that if she is considering taking the job, why would she even apply for the job in the first place if she hadn’t !?!🤷‍♀️

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They said it might be 2 days in office, but now have come back and said its 4 to 5.

OP posts:
TeapotCollection · 29/09/2025 17:52

If you get the job can I have yours please? 75k working from home for 4 hours a day, yes please 😃

Thecowardlydonkey · 29/09/2025 17:48

If you are the main earner it makes sense to go for it if you can. Can your DH cut his hours/request flexible working to pick up more childcare? It’s not all down to you.

Everyonceinawhile · 29/09/2025 17:45

Starbells53 · 29/09/2025 17:43

Who do you suggest looks after the child(ren) that cant manage childcare whilst she "sees how it goes"?

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I’m sure she has thought of that if she is considering taking the job, why would she even apply for the job in the first place if she hadn’t !?!🤷‍♀️

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 29/09/2025 17:44

Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 17:27

Yeah, it doesn't really :(( . Writing it out and listening to ideas is helpful though. I think I will sleep on it though. There are some good points here to think about for both arguments.

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Figure out what kind of arrangement WILL work for you, and carry on the process in the meantime. If they do offer you the job, that's when you can negotiate based on what works for you.

Starbells53 · 29/09/2025 17:43

Everyonceinawhile · 29/09/2025 17:37

Do it and see how it goes, if it doesn’t suit then you can always leave and look for something closer

Show quote history

Who do you suggest looks after the child(ren) that cant manage childcare whilst she "sees how it goes"?

Everyonceinawhile · 29/09/2025 17:37

Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 16:58

NC to avoid bias

I have been offered an interview for a new job.

Currently I am bored in my role. I work full time from home but actually do about 4 hours work a day. Pick kids up and can do school meetings, drs appointments. Kids have additional needs and nanny and childminder not an option.

New job is double my salary, 75k to 150k full time office based. Commute of 1.5 hours each way.

Grandma can help out but not all the time. DH works full time office based too. We need some extra money, things are tight.

Ybnbu - yes you should go for it
Ybu - no dont give uo flexibility and time with the kids

Please help me decide.

Do it and see how it goes, if it doesn’t suit then you can always leave and look for something closer

Tryingatleast · 29/09/2025 17:36

Dh gets fed up of saying money isn’t everything but it really isn’t, and we can all say childcare is great etc etc but this will only work if you have dedicated reliable childcare and you can both still get home early enough that the children get some time with you. Different situation as I work weekends as well as during the week but my kids have definitely felt me upping my hours. We’re definitely not giving them what they need in life.

Blueberry911 · 29/09/2025 17:28

3 hours travel a day, to pay extra tax, not see my kids and have to do more work? Nope.

Original poster
Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 17:27

Sarah2891 · 29/09/2025 17:24

Unfortunately, this really doesn't sound feasible from what you've said in your posts.

Edited

Yeah, it doesn't really :(( . Writing it out and listening to ideas is helpful though. I think I will sleep on it though. There are some good points here to think about for both arguments.

OP posts:
Starbells53 · 29/09/2025 17:24

Carry on with the process for now, but if you have complex needs children who can't cope with childcare then you'll need to have some big conversations with your DH. No matter what the salary on offer we can't both work full time, for similar reasons. One of us has to be around after school and in the holidays.

If we earned enough to employ a specialist SEN nanny then that might be an option but I still think one of us would need significant flexibility/wfh (or a 3-4 day week) to cover medical appts, EHCP annual reviews, and everything else that comes with it.

Sarah2891 · 29/09/2025 17:24

Unfortunately, this really doesn't sound feasible from what you've said in your posts.

MellowPinkDeer · 29/09/2025 17:23

Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 17:14

This does sound like a good idea. Carry on with the process and see how it ends up. I might not even get the job.
I just wrote out a whole email to say I wont be carrying it on but then saved to drafts as I need opinions.

Show quote history

Just see how you go. If you get to the stage of being offered the job you’ve lost absolutely nothing by having a conversation about how it could be flexed to make it work for you. If they don’t want to be flexible and you decide no thanks then that’s cool, there is nothing lost. But not trying would be mad!

Original poster
Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 17:16

Hankunamatata · 29/09/2025 17:12

Hi. Iv 3 sen kids. Its all went to crap mid primary. No holiday scheme could cope with them, the same with afterschools. I held onto my job by skin of my teeth and have to take all term time holidays unpaid.

If childcare isn't an option you would be mad to go for new job

This is like mine. Three childminders have refused us after trials, nannies would probably leave. After school club is full. Youngest will not do clubs.
Alas, it probably will not be possible. You just reminded me about the holidays too. My youngest won't do clubs.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 29/09/2025 17:14

Financially it's a no brainer and it will get you out of the house and mixing with people. But you've got to have proper plans in place for the kids. Have you discussed drop offs and pick ups with your DH/family? Having said that, I'd still go to the interview.

Original poster
Toofficeornot · 29/09/2025 17:14

MellowPinkDeer · 29/09/2025 17:11

I’d go to the interview. Then if they want you I’d be negotiating to one day at home. I wouldn’t be overly worried at this stage in the process , none of these things are issues until you have the job.

This does sound like a good idea. Carry on with the process and see how it ends up. I might not even get the job.
I just wrote out a whole email to say I wont be carrying it on but then saved to drafts as I need opinions.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 29/09/2025 17:12

Hi. Iv 3 sen kids. Its all went to crap mid primary. No holiday scheme could cope with them, the same with afterschools. I held onto my job by skin of my teeth and have to take all term time holidays unpaid.

If childcare isn't an option you would be mad to go for new job