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Original poster

Been made to feel like a outcast at work :(

161 replies

Thelily · 29/09/2025 14:30

I started a new job on an NHS ward about 2 months ago. I haven’t had any other trouble settling in roles, but I am auADHD so I suppose I could potentially be seen as a bit shy?

The ward atmosphere is unlike any other ward I’ve been on. I will walk in at the start of my shift and say hi/good morning etc, and no one will reply. Whenever I ask a question to any of the staff they act like it’s a big inconvenience and will roll their eyes. When I walk on the ward, they will stare at me (after I say hello) until I walk down the whole corridor. I feel like I’m not liked, which is fine, but it’s undermining my confidence.

I’ve still got friends from another ward I worked on, so I meet them for lunch (when I get one) but I’m not sure if this is just compounding me feeling isolated with the current team I work with?

A few people do speak to me during the shift, but I feel very isolated and lonely. My manager is only in 2 days a week, and on days they’re not in, I sit largely on my own with a few different appointments with patients across the day.

My manager has said she thinks I’m doing well but “don’t be scared to share your opinions of your patients in the team meetings, you are quite reserved about doing so”. I am reserved here because I know whatever I say will get eye rolls.

Is this normal ward working? I don’t expect best friends, but I am feeling so disheartened and actually dread going into work

OP posts:
Pudmyboy · 30/09/2025 22:02

Everyonceinawhile · 29/09/2025 15:32

But what’s the point in going elsewhere as it seems these bitches are on all NHS wards….she needs to stay and weather it out

Show quote history

Why do you say they are on all wards? The OP has come from a friendly environment so that shows it's not the case for her at least.

Everyonceinawhile · 30/09/2025 21:51

RosesAndHellebores · 30/09/2025 21:47

Personally, I think there's an NHS training module about how to curate the eye roll. I've had an NHS nurse do it to me as a patient.

That and the prolonged staring, a nurse did that to me in hospital once and I did it right back at her…that put a stop to her silly bullying nonsense

Everyonceinawhile · 30/09/2025 21:48

Thelily · 30/09/2025 21:45

Today was more of the same, but kept myself busy seeing patients and spending time on the ward away from the offices. My manager has come into work this week and moved all their stuff to a separate office away from me.

I am going to apply for another job, but can’t afford a break in employment so will just have to keep going!

Are you a doctor or a nurse, I presumed nurse

RosesAndHellebores · 30/09/2025 21:47

Personally, I think there's an NHS training module about how to curate the eye roll. I've had an NHS nurse do it to me as a patient.

TheLilacStork · 30/09/2025 21:45

lifeonmars100 · 30/09/2025 21:37

ugh, what a vile bunch they are and yes it is prevalent in the NHS (12 years of working in mental health so I know of what I speak) and like others have already said it won't get better and you won't be able to change them. I would suggest keeping your head down while you look for something much better for your skills and wellbeing. Even worse than the NHS in my experience is the voluntary sector, I have worked in a few third sector organisations with charitable status and encountered some utter horrors in my time. Poor management and weak leadership was at the root of it and I guess this is applicable in all work settings. Just for balance I have had some excellent managers and wonderful jobs which is how I realised it was not me!

Absolutely agree with you, went from a really toxic NHS workplace to the voluntary sector and I was shocked. I have been lucky enough to work in some amazing places either lovely cultures too, it’s so hard to accept other workplaces after that.

Original poster
Thelily · 30/09/2025 21:45

Today was more of the same, but kept myself busy seeing patients and spending time on the ward away from the offices. My manager has come into work this week and moved all their stuff to a separate office away from me.

I am going to apply for another job, but can’t afford a break in employment so will just have to keep going!

OP posts:
Honeysucklelane · 30/09/2025 21:38

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I’m sure there are Equality and Dignity at Work policies which state this kind of behaviour is discriminatory / bullying. That said, employers can’t make colleagues be friendly towards you and treat you like everyone else.

Prehaps if you have the confidence to, next time you say good morning to someone and they don’t reply, repeat it louder. You could ask them if they’re ok as you’re ‘worried’ they’re not their usual chatty selves….the chatty self you’ve probably witnessed them being towards others.

I have worked with two people in my career who were like this towards me yet chatted to colleagues they’d known for ages. It was horrible because I was polite and friendly and it was would destroying trying to second guess why they didn’t like me / what I’d done wrong etc etc eventually I plucked up the courage to ask someone else how they got on with them, and discovered it wasn’t me - it was them and that they would only chat to certain people.

lifeonmars100 · 30/09/2025 21:37

ugh, what a vile bunch they are and yes it is prevalent in the NHS (12 years of working in mental health so I know of what I speak) and like others have already said it won't get better and you won't be able to change them. I would suggest keeping your head down while you look for something much better for your skills and wellbeing. Even worse than the NHS in my experience is the voluntary sector, I have worked in a few third sector organisations with charitable status and encountered some utter horrors in my time. Poor management and weak leadership was at the root of it and I guess this is applicable in all work settings. Just for balance I have had some excellent managers and wonderful jobs which is how I realised it was not me!

CrispsPlease · 30/09/2025 21:31

Hauntedcastles · 30/09/2025 20:05

I know you were, but it is honestly so difficult to make eye contact all the time for alot of autistic people. I end up getting a migraine if I do it for too long. I am just worried that OP will get burnout , so I feel she needs to keep a diary and get the union involved for advice if things escalate.

Show quote history

I understand what you're saying. I'm sorry. I guess I was being too generalised in my advice and hadn't fully taken her autism into account and the difficulty with maintaining eye contact etc. thanks for pointing it out 👍

BlueYazoo · 30/09/2025 21:25

I lasted 3 months in the NHS due to the issues you’re facing (also AuDHD). I have friendships and great working relationships across the sector I’m now doing really well in so there is hope! It doesn’t sound like it’s anything you’re doing wrong. I have never encountered such a horrible environment as I did in that 3 months

Hauntedcastles · 30/09/2025 21:11

XenoBitch · 30/09/2025 20:10

"She needs to learn to deal with situations like this as she will come across them again and again and she can’t keep running away…..

I started a weekend job in the NHS (cleaner). Within the first weekend I was there, I was pulled into the office with a supervisor and manager for not "engaging enough" with my colleagues.
In our rest room, they would just talk about sex. I got a job there because I was dating a porter at the time an he got me an interview etc. They asked my name, and about our sex life!
It was all women too, before anyone says it was a toxic male environment.

That's appalling. I'm sorry that happened to you. 😭

RosesAndHellebores · 30/09/2025 20:59

@Thelily

It isn't a form of bullying, it is bullying
The eye rolling and ignoring is harassment
It is also potentially disability discrimination.

You could raise a grievance but they will stick together like shit to a blanket and there will be no evidence.

Start looking for another job. Request a F2F exit interview and ci firm yiur feedback, with regret, in writing.

It isn't you, they are a bunch of nasty bastards. Move out, move up. Don't let it make you ill

Very best of luck - don't let them break you.

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 30/09/2025 20:59

It's great you're doing well. And you have your patients to talk to in the meantime!

NimbleDreamer · 30/09/2025 20:57

I used to be a nurse and this sort of behaviour is very common. Some wards were worse than others for the cliques and bitchiness but I've definitely worked in places where people would blank you when you said hello to them etc. It's one if the many reasons I don't work in healthcare anymore as I couldn't stand the toxic culture.

HonoraBridge · 30/09/2025 20:57

Your colleagues are bullies. Nothing to do with you - the problem is with them. Nasty people.

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 30/09/2025 20:56

It sounds like they feel threatened by you for some reason. There could have been office politics going on before you were hired or something to do with your role. I would keep working anyway but maybe seek out the less horrible of the bunch and get to know them. Maybe the others will come round with time. I was in a job where this happened. The group was already really clicky when I started and seemed to have no interest in including someone new. Another job offer came up so I left. Maybe give it a chance first though

newyearsresolurion · 30/09/2025 20:55

I had a feeling it will be the NHS when I saw the title. It's can be very toxic. Start looking for other jobs.

Pistachiocake · 30/09/2025 20:46

That's awful. If they treat colleagues like this, how are they treating patients? So much for a caring profession. I imagine working for the NHS is a tough job anyway, and this would make it worse. My friend is a nurse and very close and friendly with her colleagues, which is how I'd think it should be.

Shimmyshimmycocobop · 30/09/2025 20:45

This sounds like an elderly wars I worked in, not in the NHS but in Canada.
Used to walk in and say "morning" to complete silence, no support, and horrible HCSW's who were in with the bricks and ruled the roost. I remember crying down the phone most lunchtimes to my ex, I lasted 4 months before handing in my notice with no job to go to I just knew I couldn't stay.
Funnily enough the staff seemed to warm to me a bit when I was working my notice but not enough to make me stay. These places need strong management to change the culture which rarely happens.

SleepQuest33 · 30/09/2025 20:45

How toxic! If grownups behave like bullies, we don’t have a chance in h@ell with kids at school who are probably learning to be horrible from their parents.

i find that in the workplace the tone is set from the top. If managers and those in charge are nasty, this trickles down. When they are positive and supportive, again this truckles down.

whatever happened to kindness?

Steeleydan · 30/09/2025 20:43

Thelily · 29/09/2025 14:30

I started a new job on an NHS ward about 2 months ago. I haven’t had any other trouble settling in roles, but I am auADHD so I suppose I could potentially be seen as a bit shy?

The ward atmosphere is unlike any other ward I’ve been on. I will walk in at the start of my shift and say hi/good morning etc, and no one will reply. Whenever I ask a question to any of the staff they act like it’s a big inconvenience and will roll their eyes. When I walk on the ward, they will stare at me (after I say hello) until I walk down the whole corridor. I feel like I’m not liked, which is fine, but it’s undermining my confidence.

I’ve still got friends from another ward I worked on, so I meet them for lunch (when I get one) but I’m not sure if this is just compounding me feeling isolated with the current team I work with?

A few people do speak to me during the shift, but I feel very isolated and lonely. My manager is only in 2 days a week, and on days they’re not in, I sit largely on my own with a few different appointments with patients across the day.

My manager has said she thinks I’m doing well but “don’t be scared to share your opinions of your patients in the team meetings, you are quite reserved about doing so”. I am reserved here because I know whatever I say will get eye rolls.

Is this normal ward working? I don’t expect best friends, but I am feeling so disheartened and actually dread going into work

Apart from iam not a nurse, this could have been written by me, it's the same where I work, very small team, 2 full timers...very clicky, iam part time. Plus the mother and daughter owners of the place. I've been there nearly 2.5 years, it's never got any better, shitty passive aggressive comments, whispering, clearly talking about me, the 2 full timers never like the 3rd member of staff, they make no secret they hated the lady I replaced, and made it miserable for her so she left
With it being a small family business, no HR depth, I have spoken to the daughter owner, who spoke to them, which has made it worse, they ignore me now, so I again spike to the daughter owner about now they totally blank me, she replied 'what do you expect, you made a complaint '
I really feel for you OP it's awful, I dread going to work

MayaPinion · 30/09/2025 20:41

GiveDogBone · 30/09/2025 19:03

I was going to say how horrible this is, but then you bumped the thread after nobody replied inside of a whole 7 minutes!

Don't be the mean girl. The OP already has enough of those to deal with. She is here looking for support and advice and clearly distressed about the situation. There’s no need for you to pile on and make matters worse.

OP, in your shoes I would call them out - ‘Mary, why are you rolling your eyes there?’ ‘Can you say that again, Mavis? I can’t hear you when you whisper under your breath’, but if that’s not for you then you should consider moving on. Do you want to remain in nursing?

DIYagainstMould · 30/09/2025 20:33

Supersares · 30/09/2025 17:49

Bullying is epidemic in the NHS. I’ve witnessed it and it’s horrible to see. Managers just turn a blind eye to it

What makes them then caring to the public???

Chumbawomble · 30/09/2025 20:23

Sounds horrific and similar to an NHS job I had a few years ago. Some truly nasty people led to a nasty atmosphere. Blame game, bad management, unprofessional behaviour including door slamming, shouting and pen-throwing. Passing on messages about patients with blocked catheters (urgent issue!) elicited eye rolls and bad language. Didn't feel fixable so I left after a few months as it was bad for my health.

Jack80 · 30/09/2025 20:22

I would just stop saying morning, try and speak up in the meetings (I know its easier said than done) keep looking for another job if it stays the same.