Two adults cornered and scolded my 7yo

My point being that if a child feels threatened by a comment another child has made, you wouldn’t dismiss that by saying ‘oh don’t be daft, they were only kidding and meant something else’. Your DC said something that may have made the other child very upset, yet both the teacher and yourself seem to have dismissed this as something insignificant. Don’t get me wrong, at no point have I said that what the parents did is fine - it absolutely isn’t, it’s really terrible. There is no justifiable reason for them to have acted in such a way.

Why don’t you try reading the thread?

He's explained and understood that the way he expressed himself was wrong.
Seven year old's are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. I think that side of the matter has been dealt with and he's suffered enough.

I think OP's son's experience at the party was traumatic - two strange adults shouting accusations at him and humiliating him in front of his friends until he cries. That's the kind of experience that stays with a child. And he/OP are owed an apology from them.

The school doesn't seem to be that bothered about that.

Even the party host was horrified by their behaviour towards a young child.. ganging up on him when they thought no responsible adult was present so that the party host had to intervene to protect him.

Why do assume that? The only facts that are available is that two adults did do something awful, cornering and bullying a young child. Why do you assume that the child is at fault here?

If you actually read the OP's posts, you will see that her son did not do anything awful.

He must have done something awful.

It wouldn’t be classed as bullying at any school I’ve worked in, but it would be taken very seriously. It is a threatening phrase and as such would generally lead to an internal exclusion in my current school.
‘How would you respond if your child came home upset and told you another child has said ‘you’re dead’ to him? Would you dismiss it and invalidate his feelings?
The parents who accosted your child are very much in the wrong, but by threatening another child - even if he claims he didn’t mean it that way - your child was also in the wrong.

This is where the concept of impact over intent comes into play. One 7 year old may have shrugged it off. Another may hear that and go home crying, be unable to sleep all night, and refuse to go to the birthday party the next day for fear being killed.

We can walk and chew gum at the same time, no? We absolutely must prepare our children for adversity and continually bolster their social skills. At the same time, we can also expand and reinforce their understanding of language that is appropriate and inappropriate.

@Rosie5832 I would be incredibly surprised if the school put impact before intent when assessing this. Your son saying "You're dead" to this boy may not be viewed as a substantive threat in that it would be recognised that he didn't mean it; it would likely be assessed to have been a transient threat in that it was said in the heat of the moment or in poor taste. But the impact of your son saying that was that a child thought they were going to be harmed - and was disturbed by this, and possibly fearful of attending school or the party with your son.

As the teacher said, the parents of the other boy have not reported the threat, so no assessment has been made. If they were to report the incident, I would expect a formal process under the behaviour policy to be entered into, and a sanction applied to your son, as verbal abuse or threats - even in a single incident - are unacceptable for a safe school environment.

The sanction would likely be minor - a chat with the teacher about appropriate language and a requirement to make an apology. But it would be addressed.

Ok

If the school parents are the same than the ones at my dcs school, it won’t.
They might not shunt p. But forgotten? I doubt so

@FrauPaige honestly, ‘you’re dead’ is pretty tame. No one would think it’s a death treat. Even a 7yo.
I mean you can also use that same expression to mean exhausted too.

Don’t you think it’s important to teach children about context to understand what’s been said instead?

I wouldn't tackle it with the other kids parents, they are clearly not rational.

I would however apologise for the situation (which was not of your making) to the parents hosting the party and thank them for looking after your son.

I know you have already done this but I would do it again because I would also tell them that whilst you felt the way the other parents handled it was totally inappropriate, that you took seriously the complaint that your son was an alleged bully and investigated it with the school. Tell them what you found and how you have dealt with it. Show them you are reasonable and acted appropriately. It will quickly get round the party attendees parents how reasonable you are and this will highlight how inappropriate the other parents were.

However I do have a concern that the school say the incident at the party was not of their concern. Your son was bullied by parents of a fellow classmate who alleged that during a school football match your son had bullied their son. This presumably happened at an event organised by the school and therefore the school should talk to the parents about the correct way to go about handling these matters as it was school related.

I promise you, this will all be forgotten about by everybody but you by Monday

YABU but only because you didn't grab the parents by the throat and smash their fucking heads into the nearest wall

I'm glad you are getting to the bottom of it @Rosie5832

A death threat - even a transient threat such as a threat made in anger during a playground game of football - would still be typically dealt with under a threat assessment protocol, and would be treated seriously, especially if the receiver of the threat felt fearful and intimidated as a result. It could be categorised as verbal abuse and thus would fall under unacceptable behaviour under the anti-bullying policy.

It is a shame that the parents didn't take their concerns to the school where the threat took place, and focus their immediate energies on consoling and reassuring their child, rather than charging off and accosting a child. They've made a mess of things and owe you an apology.

I would hope that the school will be speaking with the parents about the school's anti-bullying policy and the procedure for handling reports of bullying. You may also reinforce to your son what is appropriate and inappropriate language, and that threats of harm are never acceptable.

It is good to hear that it was a misunderstanding over one single event. I reiterate even if he had been bullying another child the adults behaviour was totally inappropriate and unacceptable. I haven't RTFT and am sorry if others have similarly had inappropriate reactions to you too.

I would say, however, as a parent very much involved in school and grassroots football, that "you're dead" is simply not common gamer parlance at all and it is therefore easy to see how the matter escalated. Please do relay this to your son so that he doesn't use such language going forward. But hopefully the matter has been put to bed.

So this seems to confirm that the parents in question are totally unhinged. Stay away from them, advise your son to stay away from them and do not give them the opportunity to come near your son again. If they confront you again then tell them that your son and school's recollections don't match their's and to take it up with school if they feel the need but to otherwise stay the hell away from you both. It's sad as the parents are the ones who'll isolate these other boys in the end but that's not your issue. Your job is to safeguard your child.

Glad you're back to quash the more batshit accusations against you and your son on this thread, and also quietly pleased that what I rather thought had been going on turned out to be what had been going on.

I hope your son will be able to get over these adult bullies and their behaviour.

Yup! That is one of the main reasons that it is bullshit.

Sexual abuse is only an ACE if there is over 5 years difference between the child and the perpetrator - what bullshit is that?

Kids who have experienced war, famine, bullying, racism, poverty, FGM etc have 0 ACEs.

Johnny whose parents were not married but separated has 0 ACEs but Marcus whose parents were married and separated has 1 ACE while Matilda who was raped by her brother has 0 ACEs (as he was only 2 years older) and David who is from Ukraine who saw people murdered also has 0 ACEs.

Thankfully most authorities have removed them although quietly so they are not announcing to schools etc that they have been removed or why they removed them so many still use it within their jobs.

Ugh. The parents sound batshit crazy. Not only did they upset your DC they ruined another DCs party. If they have an issue with bullying at school they talk to the school. I would speak to the school about the situation.