Not to want to travel 3hrs to see my in laws at 7mo pregnant?

OP do you dislike your MIL ?
Your examples are very nit picky ie MIL wanting to steal baby , am sure she was joking,I regularly ‘steal ‘ my grandchildren for the day ,it’s just a jokey expression ! Did she really have a tantrum? Or did she just express an opinion?
Encourage your husband to take DC for a visit. It’s far healthier and normal than being glued to her Mother 24/7 . You potentially could be in hospital for a few days if there are any problems with you or the baby and it will be better for your child to be used to being separated.

Abolutely this. A 4 year old is fine to go to their grandparents with their dad and not their mum unless the grandparents or father are abusive or can't be trusted. DH used to visit his parents with DS when DS was 16 months old and he as absolutely fine with it.

DS was a clingly child but he clung to DH and to me. He was generally happy with either of us, though sometimes he preferred DH and sometimes me. Either way if one of us wanted to take DS to visit grandparents and either DH or I could not, or did not want to go on that prticualr visit, then the one who wanted to make the visit went with DS . We did this from an early age and DH's parents were a plane ride away so overnight stays were involved

If you DD get very upset and can't be comforted, your DH can come home early. if you reallly don't trust your DH with your 4 year old DD for 2 nights, you have bigger problems than whether you should go on the trip or not

her DH gets to have the Christmas he wants sometimes though. And if OP is that set against it, then every other year (or however often he wants to go) he goes to his parents, with both DC and OP can stay home controlling her own actions.

I'm firmly of the opinion that life is too short for shit like this and if you don't want to go and stay for 2 nights, you shouldn't have to go and stay for 2 nights. You see your in-laws once a month, it's all good.

I might be moved to offer 1 night. But I'd stop using the pregnancy as an excuse and just say, I love your mum and dad but they're your mum and dad and it's a lot for me and DC to be away for 2 nights, let's just do one.

If you're not willing to have DH and DC go alone without you then I think you need to suck it up and go.

Otherwise you're preventing your DC and DH from having a relationship with their Grandma / mother all because you find her a bit irritating. The pregnancy is just an excuse.

The issue isn't the pregnancy, it's your relationship with your mil. So you need to decide whether you're prepared to visit her any more at all. If you are, for your dh's sake, then you'll need to suck it up. If you're not, then your dh either needs to go alone (with ds), or go alone (without ds). That's it really.

Play bitch games, win bitch prizes.

Of course you shouldn't go and make yourself very uncomfortable to visit someone who is nasty to you and is pushy and critical. Why would you want to be around her?

It might be time for your 4 year old to develop a bit of independence from you if you think he can't enjoy 2 days with his dad. What if you had to stay in hospital post baby? Your husband needs time to parent independently from you too. I think he should go along with his dad. Frame it to him as an adventure for the two of them, give him any special soothing items he likes, and they might develop a good bond through this.

You’re blocking it completely. They are his parents. And you’re setting your child up
for a lifetime of anxiety

What is your DC going to do when you’re having the baby? Unless you’re planning a home birth with the DC present, they are going to have to get used to a short break away from you, so a trip with Dad for a few days is ideal practice. Your DC is 4 , so plenty old enough to spend some time away from you. They’ll be at school soon!

I never said anything about cutting anyone off FFS.

If someone is likely to make life difficult if I don't do what they say then frankly.... I'm much less likely to do it... especially if I didn't want to do it in the first place.

Makes zero difference if its relatives or not.

Yanbu to not go.

DH should go up with DC 4yo for either just one night or a day-trip. With baby #2 on the way DC1 needs to be ok with getting parental care from dad and dad needs to step up and do more active parenting. This trip will be good for both of them.

YANBU to want to go in these circumstances, even low grade digs are more difficult to cope with when you are pregnant and tired.
YABU to not take the opportunity to start getting your child used to accepting his father as main carer for a few days.
I would cut the trip to one night and either DH and DS go together with lots of prep, you will need to bury your feelings deep and sell it as a big adventure. Boys trip, new audio book for the car, favourite snacks etc. Alternative is that you go too but with a very clear conversation with DH first, he will do the bulk of chat with PIL, any digs, awkward questions he will back you up or you will stand up and walk out of the room.
The first option would be the best all round.

Yes you are being unreasonable to lie because you have admitted that if it was trip you wanted to go on the pregnancy wouldn't be an issue, so who exactly are you lying to about it, Your in laws or your husband?

If you are using your pregnancy as an excuse not to go on this trip to your husband then that is disgusting, at least be honest with the man.

And you are really doing a disservice to your child by stoking this anxiety around you not being there, and blocking attempts for them to bond together on their own, what do you think will happen when you have your baby, get that sorted now, LET them both get confident with each other so when the time comes it's not so much of a shock.

They are your dh's parents and presumably he wants them in his life. Visiting them will always be an issue for you so need to find a way to make it more palletable. What about renting an airbnb near them so you are visiting but not in their space the whole time. Then you can retreat back to your airbnb and have your own space and some down time.

your husband and child should be able to go away alone! your child is 4 not a baby

what if you had to go to hospital or have to stay in after the baby is born??

i think you are fair enough to not want to go - but it's a bit controlling of you to not allow husband take the child to visit grandparents tbh

It doesn't, but that's what happens on threads, as you know.

It's reasonable for you not to go but it's not reasonable for your DH and DC not to go just because it might be a bit difficult. Both of you refusing to countenance his actual father taking him somewhere at 4 years old is daft.

It’s family. She makes life very difficult for her DH if she just refuses to engage with his family at all.

Mumsnet users seem far too keen to jump to cutting people off, just because you don’t like them or can’t be bothered. When it’s relatives, doing that is quite a big deal…!

Yes it's fine, but does it really need to be every second poster. I'm sure the op gets it by now

I think you need to just go. Yes it's not ideal, but it's important to your DH. For context we go to stay with PIL every 6-8 weeks. I don't love it but I do it for DH and DC. Your pregnancy gives you an excuse when you are there to go for a lie down and have a break.

you are pregnant, not an invalid. Soldier on

There are some other versions that come to mind. But they sounds silly and stilted. (<= I agree with you, btw.)

“DH has voiced his desire to visit”

”DH has asked if I might consider…”

“DH has expressed his wish / desire to…”

Is the birth sorted because DC will go to your parents? Because forget the MIL in general, if your DH cannot manage your child for a few hours what are they going to do after birth- hospital or not? Your child for the next year at the very least will not have you at their beck and call.
This is hugely unfair to him that his parents have set up a dynamic where he is emotionally and physically reliant on a single parent, who will now have to manage another child. This is not the fault of the four year old, but his life is about to be ripped apart and it seems like the safety net for him hasn't been prepared.

I think you’ve made a rod for your own back not encouraging your 4 yo to be away from you at all. You don’t want travel to see MIL or let DH take DC, but how else will MIL see her grandchild? It’s perfectly normal and reasonable for your DH to want to take his child to visit their grandparents. If it were me I would be sending them both and enjoying a relaxing day at home.

How on earth do you know this if they've never been away together?

I imagine they would actually have a lovely time with your husband's parents for a couple of days but you don't want them to go without you.