Not to want to travel 3hrs to see my in laws at 7mo pregnant?

Yes you are being unreasonable, pregnancy is not an illness. Does that help?

It sounds like you just don't want to go, but you don't want them to go without you either. It's selfish.

Couldn't you book book a hotel or an air b and b ?

I always dread Xmas for this reason (we don’t go to my family because they don’t celebrate it, and I guess because of that to me Xmas is “just another day” except I’ve got to spend it with in laws).

I would put a stop to this straightaway.

Spend Christmas at home from now on. Tell in laws they're welcome to visit.

Let DH cook for them if he wants to host them.

I think you've got two options

• go all together
• they go without you.

If the second isn't viable, that leaves you with the first. I honestly think it would be unreasonable of you to stop the entire trip just because you don't like your mother-in-law.

At 4 years old, it really shouldn't be a big deal for your child to spend a few nights away from you. Especially if they'll be with their father.

Is he a kind father? Do you have concerns about your child's safety with their father when you're not there? If so, you have a much bigger problem here.

If not, you need to detach a little and let your child learn that daddy is also their parent and can look after them. The both of you as parents should not have let it get to this stage. It's not as if your child is still a baby.

FWIW I think if it wasn't for this unhealthy dynamic, you should go and visit your in laws. It's not a big deal to travel 3 hours at 7 months pregnant and you won't see them at Christmas. Not everyone rejoices in the company of their in laws but unless they are abusive towards you, it's family and you should make an effort.

However, since you're about to throw a bomb into your 4-year-old's life in the shape of a new sibling, their bond with their father is soooo important. For that reason I think you need to send them off together and skip the trip for their sake. It's a good opportunity.

I think you are unreasonable not to go. It’s only a couple of nights and your husband wants to go. Do you see a lot of your own parents?

Why is it all about you though?

You don't want to go because you'd find it too stressful, and you don't want him to take his child without you because you'd find that too stressful too.

I can't make up my mind if you're making excuses or being controlling.

Why aren't you building your 4 year old up for an 'exciting trip' with daddy to see his grandparents, and tell you all about it when he returns??

It's two days and you're not doing your child any favours here at all.

Unless you are going to homebirth and refuse a hospital transfer even in a life-threatening emergency then how you can you be sure that he'll be fine being separated from you overnight in two months when he can't do so even with his own father now?

Yes it is reasonable for you to decline. but not sure if it’s reasonable for your DC not to go.

Sorry OP - I was all for siding with you (I was very sick during my pregnancy) but after your updates
about your child not wanting to be their own father for just a few days and you saying this was a reason - YABVU and selfish. You are projecting your own hatred of your mil onto your son. I feel bad for your husband and your child. More really for your poor child. Your husband could push back as he’s an adult - but your child? Poor form Op.

This 100% you’re being difficult and this will strain the relationship further. Suck it up.

Why on earth did your MIL have a tantrum about your DH attending the birth of your first child? Surely it's pretty much standard practice now for dads to be at the birth? She sounds very odd.

Grit your teeth and get on with it - it’s two days with your husband’s parents and your child’s grandparents. If the journey is that unbearable at 7 months pregnant factor in plenty of stops!
YAB TOTALLY U!

I think op wants permission to forbid her husband from seeing his parents in their home.

There is a lot to unpick here. The thought that they would hate to be in each others company for a couple of nights is not right. It’s also not right that you wouldn’t want to be away from your 4 year old for two nights. Are there SEN issues?

How are things going to work when you have two kids?

You’re being really selfish, basically saying you don’t want to go therefore the whole family shouldn’t go. Pregnancy is not an excuse to get out of doing things you don’t like, you’ve admitted yourself you’re fine to travel and would go if it wasn’t your MIL and three hours is not a long way especially when you can stop along the way. Your DC will be fine with your DH for a mere two nights (and what are you going to do when you’re in hospital after the baby arrives if not?) but if you don’t want to send them alone then you should suck it up and go too.

If you’re saying your child can’t be away from you for two nights, how are they going to cope when you give birth? To me, this is the idea moment for dad and toddler to have some bonding time while you get a weekend at home to nest. But it does seem like you could suck it up for a couple of days, with DH prepped to step in if MIL makes unreasonable comments

I just want to add than I went on holiday around 3 hours drive away when I was 6 months pregnant and I found the drive so unbearable due to the amount of rib and hip pain I had. I didn’t foresee this at all and the drive home was horrible being stuck sitting for such a long time, so I don’t think pregnancy is an excuse, it is a real thing which you can’t predict. I wouldn’t plan any long drives for future for me,but other people may be different and driving for ten hours or something silly at 39 weeks!!

Saying all that, I wouldn’t plan any encouraged for DH to go and take your 4 year old. They will cope and it’s only for two days which will give you some down time to rest. This is coming from someone who doesn’t feel comfortable at my in laws house. With a newborn they will have to cope. It could be a big daddy adventure!

You sound like a nightmare OP.

Let your DH take your DC to his parents for 2 nights on his own if you don't want to go.

Did MIL really have a tantrum because you wanted your DH at the birth?

You are using your pregnancy as an excuse not to go. I understand that you don’t want to go - and why - but this is poor form, OP. Your husband understandably wants to hang a get-together with his parents in lieu of Christmas this year. Your four year old should have access to his/her grandparents. You should pull up your big girl pants and facilitate this. We all hand TK do things we don’t want to do and this won’t kill you.

Could you go for one night or two but stay in a hotel. It does sound like you are being a bit difficult

I agree with this. If, by the age of 4, your DC is so attached to you alone that you can’t leave her for an afternoon with her father without upset you only have a short time left to fix this before you are potentially in for serious sibling rivalry that will be much worse than your MIL issue.

So you don’t want to go, and you don’t want them to go without you. If my partner made it this difficult for me to see my parents I’d be peed off.