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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s impossible for me to work?

230 replies

VanillaBerthaCake · 29/09/2025 07:25

I currently work in a call centre, the pay is decent for that sector but still not high earning by any means. Full time I bring home about £1900 after tax. I WFH 2 days a week, the rest is office 10am-6:30pm. It’s a full on job, constant calls, 2 x 15 min breaks and one 30 min lunch break. I often stay up to 40 minutes late if I get a complex call last minute with a customer who is complaining or has a complex query. The hours are usually Monday to Friday and 1 in 3 Saturdays.

I’m 5 months pregnant and had originally planned to go back after maternity leave but I’m now beginning to dread it and don’t even think it’s possible. We’ve had quotes from childcare centres near us and I’d only have a few hundred left each month even with the funded childcare hours. Plus it wouldn’t even work with my hours, if the nursery shuts at 6pm, I work until 6:30pm, wouldn’t get there until at least 7pm, potentially later if I get stuck on a call. I’d need nursery and wraparound childcare, and that would fully kill my income. Baby would still need to be in nursery even on the WFH days as the job has no down-time at all. My call-centre is big in every worker being treated the same therefore there are no part timers as apparently it would make resource planning too complicated.

DH works on a rotating shift pattern and barely ever has weekends off. He usually works 4 x 12 hour days and the days he works are different each week. He also has the opportunity to do at least one overtime shift a week for double pay where he can make £380 in one day, and he tends to do this when he can. He probably gets 2 full weekends off every 12 weeks. Including the overtime he makes about £40,000 a year. He works 7am-7pm usually. We won’t have any family support, my parents live an hour away and had me in their 40s so they are elderly. DP isn’t British and his family all live abroad. There is quite literally nobody.

He doesn’t want to change jobs as the overtime opportunities at his current job help us have a decent lifestyle, 2 holidays a year, nice car etc. If he had a Monday-Friday 9-5 it would be different as I could get a weekend or evening job but it’s just not doable for us. He also has dyslexia and couldn’t do an office job, he needs to be out grafting. Also what is brilliant about DP’s job is sometimes there is no work on site and he’ll work 2 hours and then get sent home the rest of the day, on full pay. But you never know if he’s going to be kept the full day or not so you can’t plan childcare around this.

Even if I could find a 9am-3pm job for example (the holy grail for parents), I would still feel like we were wasting money. On DP’s 3 days off in the week, ideally I’d like him to be with our child whilst I work (he wants this too) but to retain the nursery place I’d still have to pay for the hours each week even if the child didn’t go during DP’s days off! It would be a complete and utter waste of money and I would feel resentful as child would be at home with DH 3 days in the week but I’d still end up paying the 5 full nursery days to retain the place, as the following week the it’d be different days I’d need baby to go in to nursery.

Also I have a health condition and DH has lactose intolerance so we need to watch our diet and eat freshly cooked home-made meals. Any “throw in the oven” processed food makes us both so ill. I have to meal-plan and cook extensively. Being at home with baby I could manage this so much better.

Working currently seems insane to me. Our mortgage is only £600 per month. Even if I stopped working and factoring in baby costs, DP would still have about £500 left at the end of each month. I’ve explained these concerns to DP and he understands.

I feel like it’s going to just be impossible to work unless DP changes jobs but he doesn’t want to which I completely understand as he’d never find another job where he can do a £380 overtime every week and where he sometimes gets sent home but is still paid for the full day (this happens at least once a week).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Isitmeyourecookingfor · 29/09/2025 19:42

Have you looked into getting a childminder instead?
Personally I'd be looking for a new job which fits in with your family life after you have had the baby

VanillaBerthaCake · 29/09/2025 19:27

My response to the caller that said I wanted to go on benefits to fund the “2 holidays a year lifestyle” got deleted because I swore in the response. I’m still baffled by that because I never once mentioned benefits, it never occurred to me.

OP posts:
VanillaBerthaCake · 29/09/2025 19:26

Case in point - was meant to finish at 6 today - got a last minute angry caller, was stuck until 7. I’m still not home. Would be simply impossible with a baby. I’d lose a fortune in late pick up fees. It’d work if they allowed me to just do mornings but they don’t. I’d also need to be let off doing the 1 in 3 Saturday shifts but they won’t allow this as they say it’s unfair to let other people off Saturdays but not others

OP posts:
babyproblems · 29/09/2025 18:08

Lanzarotelady · 29/09/2025 12:32

My daughter works in a prison, she is not allowed a phone on her at any time due to security.

Yes of course there are work settings where it’s an absolute no go for good reason. I don’t think a call center is one of them tbh. And I’d not do a job that required no phone at all for long periods of time if I had a young baby / If other parent wasn’t readily available.

FurForksSake · 29/09/2025 16:15

Also a lot can change over the period of pregnancy and maternity leave. Take the enhanced, squirrel it and be prepared to return. We’ve got a budget to get through first.

SalamiSammich · 29/09/2025 16:13

VanillaBerthaCake · 29/09/2025 10:55

They review flexible working requests and then come back and decline them. Their excuse is due to the call centre being so busy the rota has to be run like a very tight ship. Breaks are timed to the second, if you get stuck on a call and go on break 5 minutes later you get bollocked. They state that having part-timers would interfere too much with having the right amount of people on the phones.

Yes ideally staying at work would be better I know. I’d like us to be comfortable and not living off the breadline scraping pennies together for the food shop, still have a holiday every year, days out etc.

The thought of working full time and barely seeing baby makes me feel ill. I went through IVF and an operation to have this baby, I want to savour my time with them. I think I need something about 3 days a week where I’m guaranteed to finish at 5pm each time - no risk of being kept late. The call centre is too unpredictable. People have been stuck on calls 2 hours after the shift has ended before. I’ll probably decline the enhanced maternity, take 9 months mat leave and towards the end of the mat leave start looking for other jobs

Edited

Take the enhanced with a view to paying it back.

You'll be glad you did if your partner loses his job and you need a job to cover the bills. It's important to keep your options open as long as possible.

DiscoBob · 29/09/2025 16:13

VanillaBerthaCake · 29/09/2025 13:30

Yes this would be ideal really. I wouldn’t mind outbound calling. I know they get some abuse over the phone but I’m well used to that. If possible could you DM me company names if you know? Or the sector? No problem if not

Yep sure, will do. Tbh I don't think they get that much abuse, it's just surveys so the horrible ones just refuse to do it.

Stompythedinosaur · 29/09/2025 16:13

It doesn't sound impossible to work. You both need flexible working requests and to find a decent childminder who can work around your diaries. Tbh it's ideal if your dp can work weekends, it sounds like you might only need childcare a couple of days a week.

It's absolutely fine if you can afford it and you don't want to go back to work, of course. But, will you be able to go back when it's time? I know it's a personal choice, but I'm glad I kept working when the dc were tiny as I'm now in a senior role with lots of flexibility and much better pay. And teenagers are expensive! Just be sure you've thought it out for the future, not just the next couple of years.

Btowngirl · 29/09/2025 16:06

I am struggling to see how working doesn’t make financial sense if your mortgage is only £600 per month. We have 2 DD’s in nursery for 40 hours a week for a total cost to us of £1050 (after their 30 hours and the 20%). If you want to be a SAHM mum then great, but if you don’t you definitely have options.

jonthebatiste · 29/09/2025 15:57

I just want to say that your attitude towards all this OP is admirable. You're trying to make a tricky situation work, you're prioritising health and wellbeing, you're not shirking your responsibilities, you and your DP are being very fair to each other. It's refreshing on MN, frankly!

I think you're doing the right thing waiting until the baby is here then looking for PT work. Your current work environment doesn't sound suited to having a baby at home. It's awful going back, but you get used to it and as your baby becomes a toddler and then a small child, they will benefit greatly from a couple of full days at nursery and three days at home. It's great prep for school and a great balance for all in those pre-school days, and your extra income will pay for those little extras. Just one question: do you plan on having more than one child? You may need to look further down the road than just this one mat leave if so.

Good luck with it all!

Naananananaa · 29/09/2025 15:43

Kuretake · 29/09/2025 15:11

Doesn't sound like there are any assets - definitely she needs to be on the house deeds (rather than the mortgage).

Why do you think this? Most people pay into a pension through their employer? And her partner could have savings.

Besides this I also think marriage is a good indicator of his commitment and I wouldn’t give up work completely for someone else to finance me if they wouldn’t demonstrate this?

Singlemum90 · 29/09/2025 15:42

Admin work would be great for you. Look at the health service or civil service. Much less stressful than call centre but transferrable skills. Plenty of part time roles, many accommodate term time requests when it comes to that time. Also normally Flexi time and hybrid in many of them. Your partner's income is not enough for 3 when children's expenses come into play. You also aren't married so not working is not a good idea. You want to be at home and are looking for reasons to be at home which is understandable, but not on the income you would have and without the stability of marriage. You need to think about your pension when the time comes, work experience to get back into work when your baby is in school etc, and I say this all as a stay at home parent!

Yesitssad · 29/09/2025 15:14

VanillaBerthaCake · 29/09/2025 10:55

They review flexible working requests and then come back and decline them. Their excuse is due to the call centre being so busy the rota has to be run like a very tight ship. Breaks are timed to the second, if you get stuck on a call and go on break 5 minutes later you get bollocked. They state that having part-timers would interfere too much with having the right amount of people on the phones.

Yes ideally staying at work would be better I know. I’d like us to be comfortable and not living off the breadline scraping pennies together for the food shop, still have a holiday every year, days out etc.

The thought of working full time and barely seeing baby makes me feel ill. I went through IVF and an operation to have this baby, I want to savour my time with them. I think I need something about 3 days a week where I’m guaranteed to finish at 5pm each time - no risk of being kept late. The call centre is too unpredictable. People have been stuck on calls 2 hours after the shift has ended before. I’ll probably decline the enhanced maternity, take 9 months mat leave and towards the end of the mat leave start looking for other jobs

Edited

This is constructive dismissal for getting pregnant. They do it to avoid paying maternity leave as everyone does what you are doing. Join a union and challenge it.

Kuretake · 29/09/2025 15:11

Naananananaa · 29/09/2025 13:55

Because if her partner leaves her when they’re not married she won’t be entitled to any of his assets? Presuming he keeps paying into a pension etc whilst she’s not working. If they are married OP will be entitled to this. Also important if both names are not on the mortgage and both aren’t contributing? If they’re not married OP is relying on child maintenance and we’ve seen plenty of stories in here where men suddenly falsify their earnings so they don’t pay.

Doesn't sound like there are any assets - definitely she needs to be on the house deeds (rather than the mortgage).

Teathecolourofcreosote · 29/09/2025 14:34

I agree that this job is incompatible with a baby. Or at least with a baby and a happy life.

Taking the enhanced maternity is likely to cause you more issues (although it feels wrong they get away with this).

But you do need to be married if giving up work. You'll have to do so for a few months but after that I'd try and stay in some kind of work even if it's an evening shift in a pub or a different kind of call centre work with a better shift pattern or home working.

Better to start applying before you really need it..

RandomMess · 29/09/2025 14:19

@namechangetheworld “we earn” implies you both work and benefit from 2 x tax free allowance and lower NI costs.

We lived off an awful lot less than that with 4 DC but for the average current housing costs and current inflation rates £41k for one salary dependent on housing costs really isn’t much especially if they live in the southeast, have travel to work costs, need to wear smart clothes etc.

Hopefully the OP can find a more family friendly employer.

Nottodaythankyou123 · 29/09/2025 14:07

Letam · 29/09/2025 08:47

Yeah I hear that knee jerk stuff a lot. I'd never be dependent on underpaid and overworked nursery staff to watch my kid but horses for courses I guess.

What a judgemental, nasty comment. As if most people have that choice.

autienotnaughty · 29/09/2025 14:05

Based on what you said I’d leave. Do your mat leave and look for something more family friendly when you are ready. You need a daytime job ideally between 8-530. You could look for something part time to save on nursery fees.
you will get the funded hours though and when you are not working you may be entitled to UC. Also you will get child benefit once baby is born. That will cover your national insurance too for you.

cbbo · 29/09/2025 13:58

look at a childminder instead of nursery, sometimes more flexible and often work out cheaper

Newsenmum · 29/09/2025 13:56

It sounds like you want a few years at home and that it would be much simpler and more enjoyable for you. Sit and have a proper discussion with your fiancé about this.

Naananananaa · 29/09/2025 13:55

Kuretake · 29/09/2025 13:51

How is being married going to give OP financial security?

Because if her partner leaves her when they’re not married she won’t be entitled to any of his assets? Presuming he keeps paying into a pension etc whilst she’s not working. If they are married OP will be entitled to this. Also important if both names are not on the mortgage and both aren’t contributing? If they’re not married OP is relying on child maintenance and we’ve seen plenty of stories in here where men suddenly falsify their earnings so they don’t pay.

Ddakji · 29/09/2025 13:55

Kuretake · 29/09/2025 13:51

How is being married going to give OP financial security?

Making yourself financially dependant on someone you aren’t married to makes you very vulnerable indeed. MN is full of threads from women who did just that and became victims of financial abuse or found themselves left high and dry when the relationship turned sour.

Newsenmum · 29/09/2025 13:54

You dont need to get permission from mumsnet, which is traditionally very anti sahm. What do you actually want to do?

Kuretake · 29/09/2025 13:51

Naananananaa · 29/09/2025 13:48

You need to get married and soon.

If your partner drags his heels on this it tells you all you need to know. Don’t quit your job without getting married! Having a baby is a huge strain on a relationship and you need the financial security before you give up your job.

Saying that I would be looking for something else part time, even retail work etc. I wouldn’t feel comfortable just living off my husbands income especially if it was £40k per year. Children are also expensive!

How is being married going to give OP financial security?

Naananananaa · 29/09/2025 13:48

You need to get married and soon.

If your partner drags his heels on this it tells you all you need to know. Don’t quit your job without getting married! Having a baby is a huge strain on a relationship and you need the financial security before you give up your job.

Saying that I would be looking for something else part time, even retail work etc. I wouldn’t feel comfortable just living off my husbands income especially if it was £40k per year. Children are also expensive!