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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s impossible for me to work?

230 replies

VanillaBerthaCake · 29/09/2025 07:25

I currently work in a call centre, the pay is decent for that sector but still not high earning by any means. Full time I bring home about £1900 after tax. I WFH 2 days a week, the rest is office 10am-6:30pm. It’s a full on job, constant calls, 2 x 15 min breaks and one 30 min lunch break. I often stay up to 40 minutes late if I get a complex call last minute with a customer who is complaining or has a complex query. The hours are usually Monday to Friday and 1 in 3 Saturdays.

I’m 5 months pregnant and had originally planned to go back after maternity leave but I’m now beginning to dread it and don’t even think it’s possible. We’ve had quotes from childcare centres near us and I’d only have a few hundred left each month even with the funded childcare hours. Plus it wouldn’t even work with my hours, if the nursery shuts at 6pm, I work until 6:30pm, wouldn’t get there until at least 7pm, potentially later if I get stuck on a call. I’d need nursery and wraparound childcare, and that would fully kill my income. Baby would still need to be in nursery even on the WFH days as the job has no down-time at all. My call-centre is big in every worker being treated the same therefore there are no part timers as apparently it would make resource planning too complicated.

DH works on a rotating shift pattern and barely ever has weekends off. He usually works 4 x 12 hour days and the days he works are different each week. He also has the opportunity to do at least one overtime shift a week for double pay where he can make £380 in one day, and he tends to do this when he can. He probably gets 2 full weekends off every 12 weeks. Including the overtime he makes about £40,000 a year. He works 7am-7pm usually. We won’t have any family support, my parents live an hour away and had me in their 40s so they are elderly. DP isn’t British and his family all live abroad. There is quite literally nobody.

He doesn’t want to change jobs as the overtime opportunities at his current job help us have a decent lifestyle, 2 holidays a year, nice car etc. If he had a Monday-Friday 9-5 it would be different as I could get a weekend or evening job but it’s just not doable for us. He also has dyslexia and couldn’t do an office job, he needs to be out grafting. Also what is brilliant about DP’s job is sometimes there is no work on site and he’ll work 2 hours and then get sent home the rest of the day, on full pay. But you never know if he’s going to be kept the full day or not so you can’t plan childcare around this.

Even if I could find a 9am-3pm job for example (the holy grail for parents), I would still feel like we were wasting money. On DP’s 3 days off in the week, ideally I’d like him to be with our child whilst I work (he wants this too) but to retain the nursery place I’d still have to pay for the hours each week even if the child didn’t go during DP’s days off! It would be a complete and utter waste of money and I would feel resentful as child would be at home with DH 3 days in the week but I’d still end up paying the 5 full nursery days to retain the place, as the following week the it’d be different days I’d need baby to go in to nursery.

Also I have a health condition and DH has lactose intolerance so we need to watch our diet and eat freshly cooked home-made meals. Any “throw in the oven” processed food makes us both so ill. I have to meal-plan and cook extensively. Being at home with baby I could manage this so much better.

Working currently seems insane to me. Our mortgage is only £600 per month. Even if I stopped working and factoring in baby costs, DP would still have about £500 left at the end of each month. I’ve explained these concerns to DP and he understands.

I feel like it’s going to just be impossible to work unless DP changes jobs but he doesn’t want to which I completely understand as he’d never find another job where he can do a £380 overtime every week and where he sometimes gets sent home but is still paid for the full day (this happens at least once a week).

AIBU?

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 29/09/2025 07:32

You say DP not DH, therefore I assume you're not married, in which case I would absolutely urge you not to become financially dependent on him. But other than that, I take your point.

DizzyIzzy2022 · 29/09/2025 07:31

Usually I’m a big advocate for returning to work after mat leave (I work full time and have 2 young girls) but in your case the numbers don’t stack up.
You have a right to make a flexible working request which your employer can only refuse for certain reasons, but unfortunately it doesn’t sound like you’d have much luck with your employer. You should still consider making one though and in it ensure you explain how any impacts on the business can be mitigated. PTS charity are great, but I think they have a lot of cases.

you don’t have to make a decision now. Use your full mat leave and accrued holiday to extend it. Do you have an enhanced maternity policy? Just be careful if you do because if you don’t return you will most likely need to be repay it.

good luck with your pregnancy

Sirzy · 29/09/2025 07:30

I agree one of you probably needs to look to change jobs but I’m not sure why that has to be your husband? Surely your call centre experience will be pretty transferable so you could look for someone else? Not sure why it has to be 9-3 either!

it may not be easy but that doesn’t mean it’s not doable.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/09/2025 07:30

How does your DP feel about you not working, and not looking for a more child friendly job?

Do you (either of both of you) own your house?

You should really get married before being a SAHM too.

Zempy · 29/09/2025 07:29

You just need to put in a flexible working request to change your hours so you will be on time to pick up at nursery.

If you have a trade union rep they can help you with this.

I definitely wouldn’t stop working in your position.

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