Why do I feel like this around my parents? Is this how everyone feels?

It’s normal for me! But obviously not ideal.

For me, I revert back to being a teen. I don’t want them to criticise my adult life because I am really happy with it and pleased with what I’ve made. But it’s less bad if they criticise my teenage personality because it is used to it, and in a way, it wouldn’t be my teenage personality if it wasn’t being criticised.

I don’t tell them much about my life other than the surface, and if they enquire (which they do a lot) I get snappy and brush off and questions with 1 word answers. I hate that and it makes me look really bad, but it’s because I’m on high alert for being criticised. My mum is a pry-er and so this cycle happens a lot because she won’t fucking stop asking questions! I’m sure it comes from a good place but the nosiness just comes across as loaded.

I used to feel similarly to this. I wonder if everyone feels this way, or just those whose parents were the sort to be disappointed and had high (unmet) expectations?

I feel this way around my mother, and there’s psychological warfare in my own head for days after spending a few days with her. It is due to her behaviours now and when I was younger. From the outside anyone would think she is a perfectly loving mother but in reality she is overly critical and emotionally immature bordering on histrionic at times. You’re not alone!

Feel exactly the same as you OP. I love my mum deeply but our relationship is quite complex. I feel like I am in host mode a bit when she visits, I just want to be sure she is comfortable and happy but she is quite a pessimist and I find it a bit draining. I've not actually been to hers for years because she prefers to travel to me. She has a lovely little flat but I never lived there as a child so if I did go over I would feel a little awkward!

I'm sure loads of people are going to come and say oh that's not normal, how sad etc but try not to let it get you down. Its not their normal but it is our normal ❤️

I feel like that around my dad yes. It's because he was controlling and critical when I was growing up and those lessons don't really fade away even when we are menopausal women 🙄 it's not 'normal' if you have a decent parent/parents.

I felt the same where my mum was concerned, I think I was still frightened of her.

Now she is dead I get on well with my father.

I think we all revert a little bit in to our childhood.

I find my mum stressful and I totally recognise that feeling of reverting to a child. I think it's very common. I do envy people who have a different relationship with their mothers (I had a very lovely relationship with my Dad).

I think people subconsciously take cues from each other so they may be anxious because you are anxious. They are also probably not used to little children any more!

I don't know what to suggest other than the old advice that only you control how you yourself feel so if you can chose to take them for what they are and accept your relationship is like it is it and probably won't change it might relieve the mental burden on you of expectation.

I felt the same before I went NC with them. My family was extremely dysfunctional the undercurrent came from that.

I wonder if it’s because they have certain expectations and it’s very clear. You want to please them and want them to approve your choices.
And they are only good fun and supportive when it suits them, not “no matter what”.

No I don’t think this is normal at all. I feel more relaxed and at home at my parents house than I do at my own! Possibly because at home I feel like I could always find housework/washing etc to do but at my parents I can relax. I am completely myself around my parents because I know they love me unconditionally. My in laws however are a different story and I do recognise what you describe in myself when it comes to them.

I feel the same. Everything seems very fraught

It’s probably not normal. But I feel similarly. Any family event is stressful for me for no real reason. I’m exhausted afterwards and relieved it’s over