Paying maintenance

131 replies

throwaway005 · 28/09/2025 22:10

Just putting it on here to see others thoughts

chatting with some friends earlier about child support and a father being involved with the kids. I kind of think I know how this will go but here goes

So I agree with abortion, many women get pregnant and keeping the baby for a variety of reasons doesn’t suit her. Contraception fails, rape, financial the list is endless and a woman should decide what is right for her and her body. Which is her right but what about the father’s right to choose whether to be a parent or not? I’m not talking about men that have planned pregnancies with a partner or have agreed to be a dad due to an unplanned pregnancy. I’m talking about the men who say right from the start they don’t want to be a dad or be involved in anyway. On the other hand a man can’t force a woman to carry the baby the take full responsibility when the child is born and the mother to pay support.

as it is right now whether they want to be involved or not and if they say straight off that they don’t want to be a dad should why should they have to pay child support? A woman has the choice to keep or end the pregnancy but a man is forced to go along with the woman’s wishes.

for the record I’m a female and I had an unplanned pregnancy (2 types of contraception failed) I spoke to the father and said I was happy to go it alone and didn’t want or need anything from him. I was late 30s and child free.

im not sure how it could be policed or what the options would be but something like the man legally signing away parental rights from the start of the pregnancy and the mother signing to agree she won’t chase it etc

so my question is AIBU to think that if a mother chooses to go ahead with a pregnancy and the father says right from the off that he doesn’t want to be involved should he then be free to walk away with consequences?

OP posts:

Laura95167 · 28/09/2025 22:19

Men can choose condoms and or vasectomies. Sex carries risks so if they take them they bare the consequences

We all pay for children we didnt create, my taxes support schools, tax free childcare, child benefit etc. I didnt make those children but I contribute any way to society. I cant opt out of that. (I dont have a problem with that btw its just to illustrate society provides so why shouldnt dad) So why should the father, opt out when he actively created them?

LaurieFairyCake · 28/09/2025 22:18

A man has every right to not impregnate. By not fucking, wearing a condom or having a vasectomy.

choosing not to do the above risks pregnancy and a baby

Original poster

throwaway005 · 28/09/2025 22:16

The only sure way to avoid it though for a man is a vasectomy which might not be the right thing as he may want to have kids in the future

maybe I’m just thinking too much into it and I guess having been the woman who got pregnant when a condom and an IUD failed I guess nothing is fool proof

OP posts:

redemptionwoes · 28/09/2025 22:15

I don’t agree or disagree there are so many arguments in favour as well as against. but how do you prove it - it would entirely be based on his word that he didn’t want the child and is therefore open to abuse that a man constantly changes his mind during the 9 months (which we know happens all the time!) or even uses it as a threat against the woman to coerce / manipulate - do want Ill claim I never wanted the child and will walk away Scott free. On the flip side a woman could get pregnant because she just purely wants a baby - also happens - but doesn’t want his involvement - so claims he never wanted the baby all along and is then able to walk away with the child when the father might well have wanted contact and to co parent.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 28/09/2025 22:15

He's the father. He needs to pay. And it's not maintenance. It's child support. The clue is in the name.

Since men don't carry the baby, they don't get to choose if it's born or not. So they need to exercise their right to choose by not having sex or by not having unprotected sex. I'd bet that almost 99% of men who end up getting a woman pregnant didn't wear a condom. QED.

Sux2buthen · 28/09/2025 22:13

sex carries a risk of pregnancy. If a man doesn’t want a child with someone there’s tons of options to avoid this. If a child is created he has a moral and legal obligation to provide for it although many get away with not bothering.
in short, if you make a baby you should do all you can whether father or mother

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