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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be pissed off?

191 replies

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:17

so. My girlfriends had arranged my first night out after pregnancy and BFing on Saturday, DH said he would be home for 7 to take over (he was out having food). It got to midnight and he still wasn’t back so I just sat there crying as I was so looking forward to it. When he got home at night night the girls were asking me to still come out, so I smartened myself up and went. A comment that he made to me was that if I don’t have any expectations I can never be let down? It’s playing on my mind

OP posts:
Original poster
Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:57

shhblackbag · 28/09/2025 19:57

He does know and doesn't care. What are the consequences for him, after all?

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Obviously he isn’t scared of losing us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:57

TheatricalLife · 28/09/2025 19:54

Home late, not answering his phone, bullying you...does he hide his phone as well?

I wouldn’t say he hides it,

OP posts:
shhblackbag · 28/09/2025 19:57

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:27

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong and asked me why I was upset. Why doesn’t he know what he did?

He does know and doesn't care. What are the consequences for him, after all?

Original poster
Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:56

FeedingPidgeons · 28/09/2025 19:55

He hates you. He thinks he is superior to you. It was a calculated act to put you in your place.

It really is that simple.

i haven’t done anything for him to hate me,

OP posts:
FeedingPidgeons · 28/09/2025 19:55

He hates you. He thinks he is superior to you. It was a calculated act to put you in your place.

It really is that simple.

TheatricalLife · 28/09/2025 19:54

Home late, not answering his phone, bullying you...does he hide his phone as well?

Birch101 · 28/09/2025 19:53

Seek support, make plans and leave. Do not model this as a relationship to your children

user0345437398 · 28/09/2025 19:53

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:27

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong and asked me why I was upset. Why doesn’t he know what he did?

he does and he means what he said. have no expectations of him because he won't be delivering. I'd leave and offer contact with baby. you can go out as much as you like when he's got the baby

Original poster
Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:52

He never answers his phone anymore so I never know when he is coming home from work. It’s awful

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Original poster
Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:50

Everything seems to be on his terms and he calls all the shots, since we have had kids things have changed massively

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 28/09/2025 19:49

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:35

I did call him repeatedly, he didn’t answer until he was on his way home

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He’s cruel and controlling.

NorthernMum2021 · 28/09/2025 19:44

YANBU. I think I actually would have told him to go and stay somewhere else.

Pollqueen · 28/09/2025 19:38

Low, low, low bar

Original poster
Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:35

Shinyandnew1 · 28/09/2025 19:32

He knows exactly what he's done, he just doesn't care.

I would not have sat there crying for 5 hours, I would have phoned him repeatedly and been really really cross.

I did call him repeatedly, he didn’t answer until he was on his way home

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 28/09/2025 19:35

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:27

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong and asked me why I was upset. Why doesn’t he know what he did?

He knows and he doesn’t care. He did it to hurt you. He’s punishing you for wanting to go out. He’s vile.

Sundaymorningshopping · 28/09/2025 19:34

So if he was supposed to be eating out but would be home at 7 but didn't get home until midnight or after where on earth was he until that time , and who with.?
What an absolute nasty piece of work to deliberately try and sabotage your night out btw.

BauhausOfEliott · 28/09/2025 19:34

He’s a piece of shit. Utter bellend.

DinaofCloud9 · 28/09/2025 19:33

I wouldn't cry about it, I would be furious. He's tried to stop you going out and having some fun.

TheatricalLife · 28/09/2025 19:33

He obviously did it on purpose then to stop you going out. He either doesn't want to look after his own kids, or he just wants you to stay home so you dont dare look at anyone else (even if you don't). He's a twat, and a disrespectful, controlling one at that.

Shinyandnew1 · 28/09/2025 19:32

He knows exactly what he's done, he just doesn't care.

I would not have sat there crying for 5 hours, I would have phoned him repeatedly and been really really cross.

Youdontseehow · 28/09/2025 19:31

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:27

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong and asked me why I was upset. Why doesn’t he know what he did?

@Shaniah he does know what ge did - he just doesn’t care. Sorry if that sounds harsh. He has deliberately sabotaged your night out. He wants you barefoot and pregnant and tied to the kitchen sink.

How unfortunate you have a DC with him. I’d consider leaving - this abuse will only get worse 💐

Alittlefrustrated · 28/09/2025 19:30

He knows exactly what he did OP. His words make that clear.

Jeschara · 28/09/2025 19:30

Bloody idiot, thinks he is clever, no, just a controlling twat playing with your mind. I would be very careful with him. He really is not worth it, you deserve better.
Also if you did the same to him it would be another story. I hate men like him.

meganorks · 28/09/2025 19:30

Why was he even out till 7 on your first night out?! There is absolutely no excuse for coming back so late. But the comment just proves he did it on purpose. He didn't want you to go. He's allowed out. You're not. I hope you stayed out for the night and next day.

Absolute prick!

Alittlefrustrated · 28/09/2025 19:28

His actions were bad enough, but his statement about expectations is sending you a clear message. You have no say or rights, he is in charge.