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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be pissed off?

191 replies

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:17

so. My girlfriends had arranged my first night out after pregnancy and BFing on Saturday, DH said he would be home for 7 to take over (he was out having food). It got to midnight and he still wasn’t back so I just sat there crying as I was so looking forward to it. When he got home at night night the girls were asking me to still come out, so I smartened myself up and went. A comment that he made to me was that if I don’t have any expectations I can never be let down? It’s playing on my mind

OP posts:
ProfessionalWhimsicalSkidaddler · 28/09/2025 21:31

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:27

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong and asked me why I was upset. Why doesn’t he know what he did?

Oh sweetie. He knows what he’s doing and he knows it’s wrong. He’s pretending it isn’t so that you question it or think it’s normal.

can you leave? If not, you just make a plan to leave. He will wear you down until you can’t leave.

you deserve so much more than someone who manipulates the situation to ensure control.

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 28/09/2025 21:27

Run, don’t walk.
He knows and understands exactly what he did and he chose and planned to do it.
I’ve been there.

SprayWhiteDung · 28/09/2025 21:23

Everyonceinawhile · 28/09/2025 21:11

Stop doing things for him until he starts to appreciate you……and that means no sex, I certainly wouldn’t be having sex with a man who treated me this way

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Well, if he has no expectations of it, he won't be disappointed if he never gets any, will he?

Those are HIS rules, right...?!

DoubleBoubles · 28/09/2025 21:19

What a horrible man. He knew exactly what he was doing and did this on purpose to make you feel like shit and ruin your night out.

ThatCleverCoralCrow · 28/09/2025 21:14

He knows what he did. It's heartbreaking that he knew how let down you would feel about this but did it anyway. Why would he do it other than to make you feel bad?

tinytemper66 · 28/09/2025 21:13

He is a prick. He won’t change. He will do this every time you want to go out.

Owly11 · 28/09/2025 21:12

Abuse very often begins when a baby arrives and it looks as if this is what’s happening here. He sounds extremely unpleasant. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Everyonceinawhile · 28/09/2025 21:11

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 20:01

Honestly what you have said makes complete sense! This is exactly how it feels. It was so different before the kids.

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Stop doing things for him until he starts to appreciate you……and that means no sex, I certainly wouldn’t be having sex with a man who treated me this way

Everyonceinawhile · 28/09/2025 21:07

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:27

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong and asked me why I was upset. Why doesn’t he know what he did?

He knows what ye did and is refusing to acknowledge it, he wants you to believe you are the unreasonable on for thinking he did something wrong …….this is called gaslighting

outerspacepotato · 28/09/2025 21:06

You had a baby with a prime Grade A asshole.

Everyonceinawhile · 28/09/2025 21:05

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:17

so. My girlfriends had arranged my first night out after pregnancy and BFing on Saturday, DH said he would be home for 7 to take over (he was out having food). It got to midnight and he still wasn’t back so I just sat there crying as I was so looking forward to it. When he got home at night night the girls were asking me to still come out, so I smartened myself up and went. A comment that he made to me was that if I don’t have any expectations I can never be let down? It’s playing on my mind

What a selfish asshole, he was probably fully expecting you to not have gone out at midnight and that’s why he left it so late…..the selfish cunt deliberately tried to destroy your night and stop you going out…..is he usually that controlling? I would be furious and arrange another night out for a few weekends time…..hell, why not make it a regular thing, it seems like he has regular nights out with the lads

BuckChuckets · 28/09/2025 21:05

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:27

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong and asked me why I was upset. Why doesn’t he know what he did?

Because he's vile.

scaldedballs · 28/09/2025 20:27

Bless him and his dimness! He actually believes he can behave like a misogynist, selfish twat, totally by his own choice and you will what? Feel sorry for him? Apologise? FUCK THAT OP.
He knew exactly what he was doing, there is literally no confusion, despite what the lying weasel said. What were you crying for? I’d wager it is less than he will be crying for when you have gone!
Get rid of him. He has zero emotional intelligence and is a total twat. You’d be far, far better alone (not least because he is leaving you to do it all alone anyway) He adds nothing, he’s an irritating skin tag that’s needs to be removed.

Gamerlady · 28/09/2025 20:10

Bin the bastard , he's abusive and controlling. Done that on purpose Angry

ArtfulPinkBird · 28/09/2025 20:07

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:25

Surely you have expectations of the person you share your life with? I just don’t understand that comment at all and it is really playing on my mind. What he did was cruel and he didn’t even care, he came in and asked me what I was crying for as he is here now.

He's gaslighting you, trying to make you feel like you're in the wrong for having any expectations of him and is invalidating your feelings as a result. It's abusive.

DoubtfulCat · 28/09/2025 20:07

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:56

i haven’t done anything for him to hate me,

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You don’t have to do anything, just be female.

I hope you leave him. He doesn’t like you or respect you and this will only get worse.

Screamingabdabz · 28/09/2025 20:07

His behaviour is deliberate. He’s a knob and I think you should be really considering your options in terms of your future.

JLou08 · 28/09/2025 20:06

Controlling behaviour without a doubt.

Slipperhead · 28/09/2025 20:03

He's utter and complete scum that couldn't care less about you are your children.
Stop wasting time upset.
Look at the practicalities of your situation.

How many children have you?
Housing?
Work?
Money?
Family support?

shhblackbag · 28/09/2025 20:03

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 20:01

Honestly what you have said makes complete sense! This is exactly how it feels. It was so different before the kids.

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I'm sorry. It happens so often.

ArtfulPinkBird · 28/09/2025 20:03

He sounds awful I'm so sorry. As others have said, he is abusing you. It should have been important to him that you got to go out as planned with your friends after sacrificing yourself through pregnancy and breastfeeding. You deserve so much better than this, you sound lovely 💛. It's hard to hear but you and your babies would be so much happier away from this man who clearly doesn't deserve you as his family. Can you go and stay with family/friends? Have you spoken to your friends about the night out and got their take on things? I'd imagine they're livid on your behalf! If he knew you had plans, then he's done it on purpose and that's absolutely not ok.

shhblackbag · 28/09/2025 20:01

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:57

Obviously he isn’t scared of losing us.

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No. On the contrary, I would guess he's sure you'll not go anywhere. Perhaps get advice and prove him wrong.

Original poster
Shaniah · 28/09/2025 20:01

shhblackbag · 28/09/2025 19:59

I doubt it's an affair. I just think he doesn't give a shit about her now that he believes she's trapped with a baby. It's textbook.

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Honestly what you have said makes complete sense! This is exactly how it feels. It was so different before the kids.

OP posts:
shhblackbag · 28/09/2025 19:59

TheatricalLife · 28/09/2025 19:54

Home late, not answering his phone, bullying you...does he hide his phone as well?

I doubt it's an affair. I just think he doesn't give a shit about her now that he believes she's trapped with a baby. It's textbook.

Mookie81 · 28/09/2025 19:58

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:17

so. My girlfriends had arranged my first night out after pregnancy and BFing on Saturday, DH said he would be home for 7 to take over (he was out having food). It got to midnight and he still wasn’t back so I just sat there crying as I was so looking forward to it. When he got home at night night the girls were asking me to still come out, so I smartened myself up and went. A comment that he made to me was that if I don’t have any expectations I can never be let down? It’s playing on my mind

As I've said about many a man on here, he's a cunt, plain and simple.

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