Page 5 | To be pissed off?

Swiftie1878 · 29/09/2025 12:57

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:49

I just don’t understand how the relationship was fine before children? Surely this would have been going on from the beginning if that is who he is?

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How long were you together before kids?
Looks like he was masking until he had you trapped.

ilovelamp82 · 29/09/2025 12:57

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:27

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong and asked me why I was upset. Why doesn’t he know what he did?

He knows exactly what he did. It's intentional. He doesn't want you going out with your girlfriends so he's making it as difficult as possible for you till you just give up and don't bother and end up losing all your friends, then he has you all to himself, so that he can go out as and when he pleases while you are permanently at home with the baby. He is outright being mean about it, so you don't even bother to question him next time he does it. And he's making you out to be the crazy one for having a very normal response to his twattish behaviour so that you end up questioning your own sanity. Run. Honestly run. This is not a good human. Don't try and explain what is wrong. He knows. It is intentional. He may come round at some point and say he didn't realise, he won't do it again. But that's just to sweeten you up. Until he does it again. And he will do it again. Get rid before you're years down the line wishing you had left at this moment.

Frikadelle · 29/09/2025 12:54

Not only does he purposely ruin your night out and ignore your calls, but then he has the audacity to somehow blame you for it. That's not normal, by a very long shot. I have no idea how you get back to the respectful relationship you had pre DC - I fear that ship has sailed. You and your DC deserve much better than what he's currently offering you.

Swiftie1878 · 29/09/2025 12:54

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:25

Surely you have expectations of the person you share your life with? I just don’t understand that comment at all and it is really playing on my mind. What he did was cruel and he didn’t even care, he came in and asked me what I was crying for as he is here now.

He’s telling you that you have no right to expect anything from him.
You need to exit this relationship. He’s a controlling abuser.

Namechangetheyarewatching · 29/09/2025 12:52

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:49

I just don’t understand how the relationship was fine before children? Surely this would have been going on from the beginning if that is who he is?

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Lots of men keep up the act, then when children come along they have you trapped and they can be their trueselves.

How long were you together before you had children?

I bet there were little tiny signs that were missed or dismissed as he was lovely the rest of the time.

Rhaidimiddim · 29/09/2025 12:51

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:25

Surely you have expectations of the person you share your life with? I just don’t understand that comment at all and it is really playing on my mind. What he did was cruel and he didn’t even care, he came in and asked me what I was crying for as he is here now.

So now he's shown you who he is. That your expectation of him is that he will deliberately hurt you, ad then crow about it.

He is abusive. Get out a.s.a.p. before he starts slapping you.

Original poster

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:49

Namechangetheyarewatching · 29/09/2025 12:42

Because you want to believe the man you love, married and had children with isn't a cruel, nasty abuser, who doesn't care about you or your feelings.

It's heartbreaking

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I just don’t understand how the relationship was fine before children? Surely this would have been going on from the beginning if that is who he is?

OP posts:

Missj25 · 29/09/2025 12:49

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:17

so. My girlfriends had arranged my first night out after pregnancy and BFing on Saturday, DH said he would be home for 7 to take over (he was out having food). It got to midnight and he still wasn’t back so I just sat there crying as I was so looking forward to it. When he got home at night night the girls were asking me to still come out, so I smartened myself up and went. A comment that he made to me was that if I don’t have any expectations I can never be let down? It’s playing on my mind

Hey OP ..
I’m sorry if I sound stupid , does he mean , “ don’t expect anything from me, then you’ll never be disappointed “, if so , he’s a Dick , bad enough he never came home …x

KoiTetra · 29/09/2025 12:44

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:27

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong and asked me why I was upset. Why doesn’t he know what he did?

He knows exactly what he did, he did it deliberately

Namechangetheyarewatching · 29/09/2025 12:42

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:40

Why am I trying so hard to believe that this is not the case?

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Because you want to believe the man you love, married and had children with isn't a cruel, nasty abuser, who doesn't care about you or your feelings.

It's heartbreaking

Original poster

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:40

Namechangetheyarewatching · 29/09/2025 12:39

He is mentally abusing you on a day to day basis and it will affect the children.

Honestly divorce him

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Why am I trying so hard to believe that this is not the case?

OP posts:

Namechangetheyarewatching · 29/09/2025 12:39

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:29

He has never physically hurt me?

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He is mentally abusing you on a day to day basis and it will affect the children.

Honestly divorce him

Lurkingandlearning · 29/09/2025 12:32

That is one of the best examples of someone telling you who they are and that you should believe them.

so many men only show their true colours once their partner has had a child making ending the relationship so much more difficult.

Good luck

Original poster

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:29

shhblackbag · 29/09/2025 12:24

You urgently need to get yourself and your children away from him, OP. Lean on your family and contact Women's Aid.

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He has never physically hurt me?

OP posts:

shhblackbag · 29/09/2025 12:24

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:18

The Kids and I were at a family gathering which he couldn’t come to and we called him and asked him to pick us up, 2 hours later I called and he was on loud speaker, he shouted down the phone what are you mithering me for. My family were completely shocked

You urgently need to get yourself and your children away from him, OP. Lean on your family and contact Women's Aid.

rainbowunicorn22 · 29/09/2025 12:21

Don't waste your tears on him, he is a selfish, thoughtless twat

ThejoyofNC · 29/09/2025 12:21

Do you want your children growing up with him as a role model?

Original poster

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:18

The Kids and I were at a family gathering which he couldn’t come to and we called him and asked him to pick us up, 2 hours later I called and he was on loud speaker, he shouted down the phone what are you mithering me for. My family were completely shocked

OP posts:

Original poster

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:16

Fountofwisdom · 29/09/2025 12:11

This is clearly a pattern of abuse and control developing. It will only get worse. You urgently need to talk to someone about this. Have you got parents/family members you can confide in? If not, please make an appointment to see your GP, who should be able to signpost you to support services, or phone Women’s Aid. You need to get support so that you can leave this man and build a better future for you and your DC.

My mum keeps asking me what has happened to him as honestly he was great before kids, that is why I just can’t understand all this and how he has changed so much.

OP posts:

Tess592 · 29/09/2025 12:16

He's 5 hours late and you have a problem with time? And are probably autistic? He's gaslighting you OP. Making you question if there's something wrong with you when your only problem is that you had a baby with a twat. He's controlling you by not coming back to try to ensure you can't go.

When he says you should have no expectations what he's saying is that you can't rely on him for anything, ever. And that's really not what you want in a husband or father.

You really need to leave OP, this is very unlikely to get any better and highly likely to get worse and worse.

Fountofwisdom · 29/09/2025 12:11

This is clearly a pattern of abuse and control developing. It will only get worse. You urgently need to talk to someone about this. Have you got parents/family members you can confide in? If not, please make an appointment to see your GP, who should be able to signpost you to support services, or phone Women’s Aid. You need to get support so that you can leave this man and build a better future for you and your DC.

Original poster

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:08

He also suggest I have Asperger Syndrome as I have an issue with time, I really don’t think do!

OP posts:

Original poster

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:04

It always seems to be my reaction that is wrong when he has hurt me, he says I over reacted, possibly but I was hurt as I thought he respected me enough to appreciate that it would be good for me to see my friends. I also asked him to pick up a bottle of wine a few weeks ago and he said I didn’t deserve it. When I ask him what time he is coming home when it gets past 7pm he just says when he is done, obviously it would be nice to know when I am going to be supported with the kids, I work too and couldn’t just do that.

OP posts:

WearyAuldWumman · 28/09/2025 21:53

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:27

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong and asked me why I was upset. Why doesn’t he know what he did?

He knows.

Everyonceinawhile · 28/09/2025 21:48

SprayWhiteDung · 28/09/2025 21:23

Well, if he has no expectations of it, he won't be disappointed if he never gets any, will he?

Those are HIS rules, right...?!

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Exactly!