To be pissed off?

How did he treat you following your few hours out?

It's heartbreaking hearing what he's doing to you.

Listen to what you are actually saying to this forum. If it was someone else what would your advice be if you weren't involved. X

No. You’re not.

Took me three years to act on what I started seeing when I became pregnant. I kept saying oh it’s not that bad. He doesn’t actually hit me. And so much of it is stuff which afterwards when you describe it, doesn’t explain the fear or the confusion or the guilt or whatever shitty emotional he has made you feel, so you minimise and struggle to tell people quite how it’s so awful; but this is your life now. Walking on eggshells. Wondering if you’re unreasonable. Wondering if you just forgot he told you he was going out after work. Wondering if he’ll remember to be around so that you can work/see friends/go to the gym. Wondering if, when he does have the kids, he’ll actually look after them properly and feed them decent food and interact with them, or whether they’ll be screaming in a pram while he plays on his phone or chats to mates, and feeds them on crap because it’s easier. When you timidly raise these episodes with him, he either explodes with rage that you would be so unreasonable as to question him, you don’t appreciate anything he does for you; or he explains that you’re a bit crazy, you never remember anything he tells you, and you’re so self-centred, plus you undermine him and he can’t do anything right.

It’s abuse and it will likely leave you a shell of the woman you were before. Please make plans to get out as soon as you can. He will try to manipulate you into staying, but look at his actions, not what he tells you.

No, you are under reacting and trying to persuade yourself that what is going on right under your nose is not happening.
He’s abusive and controlling, and he is gaslighting you.
You need to get out. Now. Before it escalates.

Process quickly because this could easily escalate and you don’t want your kids seeing him treat you really badly.

You are the very definition of a highly abused, controlled woman, who sadly has been slowly boiled.

Read up on the boiled frog analogy.
Tell your family the truth.
Stop covering for him.
You family most likely suspect.
Get your children out now.
Talk to Women's aid.

You say ore kids he wasn’t like this.

But ore kids you wouldn’t have relied on him coming home so you could go out. You could just do your own thing.

I don’t usually go straight to leaving but in this circumstance I would and enjoy EOW out doing as you please whilst he parents his children solo.

If someone says they’ll be home for 7 and know you have plans, of course you’re going to expect them home at that time. He probably does know what he did he’s just too selfish to care.

Lots of clues in your posts @Shaniah . His DM hated him leaving her, she's spoilt him and he's used to being the centre of attention, he was OK until the DC arrived but now he's in second place and he hates it and blames you. Your DH is emotionally immature, he's like the toddler whose jealous of the new baby but instead of tantrums he's becoming cold and begrudging.
He's never going to be better Op because he's punishing you, he's told you quite clearly to expect nothing from him. I'd be sending him packing or leaving myself.

that doesn'T matter. He's being abusive.
Can you leave? maybe move in with your mum for a while?

Gaslighting, never being around, “forgetting” arrangements I had made with his agreement to go out and see friends or do a class… and the fear of his anger, which I’d never know the reason for. It was a brutally damaging way to live.

Abuse isn't only physical, OP.

This clown is heavily gaslighting you……he is the issue not you

Are you financially in a position to leave as I really don’t see this situation improving? …..your life would be more peaceful without him

I went through the same cognitive dissonance and heartache. I’m so sorry. I echo all that’s been said. You might give this organisation a call for free legal advice www.rightsofwomen.org.uk

also if you decide to leave, don’t tell him until you’re out. Put your important documents and possessions somewhere safe that he can’t access them (passports, birth certificates (yours and the kids) marriage certificate, anything you have that you would hate to lose) and arrange somewhere for you and the kids to go, to be safe. He may not be violent but he is spiteful. Don’t trust him and don’t assume he wouldn’t do things to hurt you or make your life difficult.

Sadly, it's quite common for abuse to begin or intensify when kids enter the equation. Your priorities have changed and he's got more responsibilities that require him to put someone else first and he clearly doesn't like it.

As the nearest adult, he blames you for not shielding him from the reality of having kids, and it's in his best interest to prevent you from doing anything that interferes with your ability to care for the kids and house so that he can carry on without ever having to consider anyone else's needs or wants. If you never get what you need or want, eventually you won't even bother asking for his help/support/time.

You need to get out sharpish, and get help and support. You can't see how he's abusing you.

People on here are trying to tell you Op, you keep defending him. Pls listen to everyone who are saying it will only get worse, they are right. He’s not respecting you. he’s dumped all parenting on you, even though you work too, and looks like his social life hasn’t changed a bit since kids came along, but the one night you want to see your friends he makes it difficult for you to do this, on purpose.

Because you're a normal rational person who would never believe that someone could intentionally be so intentionally evil. But he is. This abuse rarely starts until they have women in a position where it's harder to leave. Children, moving in, marriage, all points where abusers ramp up their abuse.

What a cunt he is.