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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be pissed off?

191 replies

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:17

so. My girlfriends had arranged my first night out after pregnancy and BFing on Saturday, DH said he would be home for 7 to take over (he was out having food). It got to midnight and he still wasn’t back so I just sat there crying as I was so looking forward to it. When he got home at night night the girls were asking me to still come out, so I smartened myself up and went. A comment that he made to me was that if I don’t have any expectations I can never be let down? It’s playing on my mind

OP posts:
Slipperhead · 30/09/2025 09:08

Tell your family the full truth of his abuse.
Abuse thrives in secrecy.
Shine the full light on him.
Tell your GP.
Coercive control is a crime.
Read up on it.
You will be glad that he has left you when you fully wake up to the extent of his abuse and control of you.
Telling people will help.

MyLimeGuide · 30/09/2025 06:46

What an absolute barstard. He will regret this. Get rid and NEVER take him back. Poor you, time will heal you will get over it eventually xx

Zanatdy · 30/09/2025 05:36

What an arsehole. Well let this other woman have him, as he sounds like a useless, selfish arse anyway.

Empress13 · 30/09/2025 05:11

LTB end of. What a total selfish prick .

thepariscrimefiles · 30/09/2025 05:05

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 13:13

He acted really weird the first 6 months after my daughter was born, kicking walls, angry, not coming home. He left when our daughter was 4 weeks old then came back, it has just got progressively worse, we had a brief couple of years where it was ok so I decided to have another baby, after the second baby it has now come to this. There were some odd things pre kids that I just shrug off, mainly involving his family (his mum was extremely protective and accused me of taking him away from her) I didn’t really think much of it as I was only 18 at the time but I think they had quite an odd relationship looking back.

Tell your MIL that she can have him back because you don't want him any more.

thepariscrimefiles · 30/09/2025 05:03

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 12:49

I just don’t understand how the relationship was fine before children? Surely this would have been going on from the beginning if that is who he is?

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He thinks that because you have children with him, you are trapped so he can now reveal his true abusive colours. He is not a nice man. Don't hide his behaviour from friends and family. Don't protect him, protect yourself and your children.

Show him that you are not trapped and that you won't put up with this behaviour any longer by contacting Women's Aid for advice and support and speaking to a solicitor.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 30/09/2025 04:22

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:27

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong and asked me why I was upset. Why doesn’t he know what he did?

He does know what he did. He resents you for tying him down. Men like him swap their relationship with partners to teenaged son and mother types once babies arrive and he will be pissed off his life has changed and he has been expected to adapt to family life.

Obviously not your fault, but he is showing clearly he doesn’t love you im afraid and is reverting to selfish prick mode while casting you in nagging mother-mode. Being with similar dickish friends and getting pissed won’t have helped.

Mistyglade · 30/09/2025 01:02

Well I think my initial assessment at 13.01 has summed it up. What an absolute prick. Op I’m so sorry this is happening to you right now.

Lastchoice · 30/09/2025 00:39

I hope you are ok. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Can you speak with your family? Ask for their support with the kids?

TheatricalLife · 29/09/2025 23:14

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 22:46

He has met somebody else, we have had an argument tonight. I can’t even believe this

I knew it from your very first post. Absolutely all the signs were there -my dad was EXACTLY the same when he cheated on my mum. Text book.
I'm so sorry OP. You deserve so much better. Absolute scum bag ❤️

TwistedWonder · 29/09/2025 23:13

He’s a manipulative cunt who did it on purpose

Everyonceinawhile · 29/09/2025 23:11

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 22:46

He has met somebody else, we have had an argument tonight. I can’t even believe this

The utter scumbag!!…..so when is he going to move out?

Robertplantgoddess · 29/09/2025 23:09

I'm so sorry for you. There are many things that will one day seem better but for now be kind to yourself and know it has never been you thats at fault. You are and will always be better than this moment.

Original poster
Shaniah · 29/09/2025 22:46

He has met somebody else, we have had an argument tonight. I can’t even believe this

OP posts:
Original poster
Shaniah · 29/09/2025 22:04

BigBirdOfPrey · 29/09/2025 22:01

Sorry just read more of the post.
It seems he’s maybe fallen out of love or interested in someone else- Did he agree to have the children too?

It sounds like you’ve lost the nice him OP. I’mso sorry xx

It wasn’t a unanimous decision, it just kind of happened

OP posts:
Original poster
Shaniah · 29/09/2025 22:03

BigBirdOfPrey · 29/09/2025 22:01

Sorry just read more of the post.
It seems he’s maybe fallen out of love or interested in someone else- Did he agree to have the children too?

It sounds like you’ve lost the nice him OP. I’mso sorry xx

He may have met somebody else I don’t know, it still hurts like hell that he be so cruel

OP posts:
BigBirdOfPrey · 29/09/2025 22:01

Sorry just read more of the post.
It seems he’s maybe fallen out of love or interested in someone else- Did he agree to have the children too?

It sounds like you’ve lost the nice him OP. I’mso sorry xx

BigBirdOfPrey · 29/09/2025 21:49

Do the same on him, then feed his words back to him!

It’s the only way.

RunningJo · 29/09/2025 21:39

OP, please take on board what PP have said. Get the information you need, get advice, plan to leave. Can you Mum help, or friends even if short term.
Abuse doesn’t have to be physical. This is abuse.

Chickenwing2 · 29/09/2025 21:32

First time I’ve ever commented this…. LTB!!

arcticpandas · 29/09/2025 21:09

Just wanted to add that I agree with pp. This man child couldn't stand having children because he's supposed to be number one. Now he's punishing you for caring for your children instead of him. He's not only emotionally immature but also vile; he delibarately tries to hurt your feelings and shows you that you don't matter to him.

All this is much to take in at once @Shaniah . No need to act straight away. Sit with it and find someone to talk to about it (friends/therapist) and get your ducks in a row. You are not in immediate danger but if I were you I would carefully plan my exit because it's not just you who are a victim here- your children as well who have to live with their dad treating their mum like crap. Not something you want to live with nor model to them. But don't panic. Take your time to process this. If your close to your parents/family I'm sure they would support you.💐

Everyonceinawhile · 29/09/2025 20:53

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 20:47

He didn’t message me, he still didn’t think he did anything wrong the following day. I just feel like this has given me a huge wake up call, it might not be a big deal to some people but I needed that night out with my friends and he absolutely tried to ruin it for me, I can’t see any good in a person that would do that.

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It would be a huge deal to me, he doesn’t appreciate you, or love and respect you, and then he tried to gaslight you…..I could no longer love him or find him in the least bit attractive after that…..his behaviour is a sign of things to come in your future if you decide to stay with him…..get out now if you can

Slipperhead · 29/09/2025 20:52

You are not over reacting.
You are in controlling abusive relationship.
You are under reacting if anything.
Contact Women's aid and tell your family the truth.

Missj25 · 29/09/2025 20:50

Shaniah · 29/09/2025 20:47

He didn’t message me, he still didn’t think he did anything wrong the following day. I just feel like this has given me a huge wake up call, it might not be a big deal to some people but I needed that night out with my friends and he absolutely tried to ruin it for me, I can’t see any good in a person that would do that.

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OP , what’s he like in general ?

Original poster
Shaniah · 29/09/2025 20:47

Itiswhysofew · 29/09/2025 20:43

How did he treat you following your few hours out?

It's heartbreaking hearing what he's doing to you.

He didn’t message me, he still didn’t think he did anything wrong the following day. I just feel like this has given me a huge wake up call, it might not be a big deal to some people but I needed that night out with my friends and he absolutely tried to ruin it for me, I can’t see any good in a person that would do that.

OP posts: