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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off?

191 replies

Shaniah · 28/09/2025 19:17

so. My girlfriends had arranged my first night out after pregnancy and BFing on Saturday, DH said he would be home for 7 to take over (he was out having food). It got to midnight and he still wasn’t back so I just sat there crying as I was so looking forward to it. When he got home at night night the girls were asking me to still come out, so I smartened myself up and went. A comment that he made to me was that if I don’t have any expectations I can never be let down? It’s playing on my mind

OP posts:
Everyonceinawhile · 30/09/2025 21:07

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 21:00

And in answer to the question about finances, I am financially independent, I work, hopefully I can start saving as we never had any money even when we were together with good incomes.

That’s great that you are financially independent and can stay with your parents for a while…..you can start planning the rest of his life…..hopefully he won’t be able to afford the rent on the other place and will have to move into a house share 😁…..I’m sure that will make him seem very attractive to his love interest

Original poster
Shaniah · 30/09/2025 21:00

And in answer to the question about finances, I am financially independent, I work, hopefully I can start saving as we never had any money even when we were together with good incomes.

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Original poster
Shaniah · 30/09/2025 20:57

Everyonceinawhile · 30/09/2025 20:40

Do you jointly own the house or is it rented

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It’s rented. I am happy to move out, I just need to stay with my parents for a while to figure everything out

OP posts:
Everyonceinawhile · 30/09/2025 20:40

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 20:23

I have yes, I’m trying so hard to stay strong but I feel like my world is falling apart. I feel guilty as the kids must know there is something wrong with me.

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Do you jointly own the house or is it rented

Original poster
Shaniah · 30/09/2025 20:23

Jeschara · 30/09/2025 19:28

Have you taken all important documents with you? I hope so, as I would not trust this creature as far as I could throw him. Horrible little man.
Good luck, you have done the right thing.

I have yes, I’m trying so hard to stay strong but I feel like my world is falling apart. I feel guilty as the kids must know there is something wrong with me.

OP posts:
Gcsunnyside23 · 30/09/2025 20:21

Sorry I clicked you're being unreasonable but mistake. Just read your updates, so sorry to op hope you're ok. You're so much better off without him

Jeschara · 30/09/2025 19:28

Have you taken all important documents with you? I hope so, as I would not trust this creature as far as I could throw him. Horrible little man.
Good luck, you have done the right thing.

Slipperhead · 30/09/2025 16:59

You don't treat someone you love the way you have been treated.
He dislikes you and resents you, thats why he has felt so entitled abusing and controlling you.
He is scum.
So glad you have gone to your parents.

Everyonceinawhile · 30/09/2025 16:57

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:39

I’m still trying to take it all in. He said he hasn’t had an affair but has developed feelings for somebody else.

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So he has developed feelings for someone else and that gives the asshole a right to treat you like shit ?!?!……piece of shit

DoubtfulCat · 30/09/2025 16:37

I’m so sorry lovely. I hope you can find your anger soon: you and the kids need the house, he can go to him mum or this other woman’s. And child support from today- he has to pay up and the CMA can take it from his pay packet if he shows signs of not paying.

WatchingTheDetective · 30/09/2025 16:37

I'm afraid I guessed that's what was going on. In my experience men having affairs have someone who is happy to listen to them slag off their partners. You would think she'd be there thinking, "God, he's a really shit partner and dad, isn't he?" but most seem to encourage criticism of the partner. I suppose if you've no morals, that's how you behave.

I'm so sorry, though, OP. Your life will be better without him, but it's hard for you to see that right now.

TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 16:26

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 16:19

i can’t even believe the other woman wants him!

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She probably won't in a while when the novelty and excitement has worn off. I'd imagine now you've taken away the secrecy and sneaking around part, the bloom will be off the rose very quickly. Anyway, don't worry about them, focus on you and what is best for you going forwards. All the practical bits.

Original poster
Shaniah · 30/09/2025 16:19

TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 16:00

Listen -you are NOT stupid in any way. Dont ever think that way. None of this is your fault. It is entirely and completely his. You get angry -you've not done anything to push him towards this, he's just a dirty, lying cheater. It happens to many people who also aren't stupid, you are not alone.

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i can’t even believe the other woman wants him!

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 16:00

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:57

He isn’t the person I fell in love with anymore. The person that he has developed feelings for is his friends sister and they are always out together. I stupidly trusted that he loved me. I just feel sick

Listen -you are NOT stupid in any way. Dont ever think that way. None of this is your fault. It is entirely and completely his. You get angry -you've not done anything to push him towards this, he's just a dirty, lying cheater. It happens to many people who also aren't stupid, you are not alone.

Hankunamatata · 30/09/2025 15:59

So he didnt actually want you to go out

Isn't that classic controlling behaviour?

Original poster
Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:57

He isn’t the person I fell in love with anymore. The person that he has developed feelings for is his friends sister and they are always out together. I stupidly trusted that he loved me. I just feel sick

OP posts:
cordeliavorkosigan · 30/09/2025 15:54

That's good, op .
Someone who loved you would not do what he's done. He doesn't love you.
So sorry you're going through this, but he sounds awful and eventually you will feel better without him. Twat.

TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 15:47

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:44

I can’t be with him knowing he has feelings for somebody else. I have come to my parents

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That's good, I'm glad you are with your parents.
I totally agree, I couldn't be with him either. Keep focusing on yourself and the baby and lean your loved ones for support.

Original poster
Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:44

TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 15:43

I'm sure you are. I'm so sorry.
I would be very careful about believing anything he tells you from now onwards. He clearly is a manipulative twat. Have you managed to tell anyone in real life who can support you with a decision?
There is a lot of great support and advice on the relationships board here.

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I can’t be with him knowing he has feelings for somebody else. I have come to my parents

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 15:43

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:39

I’m still trying to take it all in. He said he hasn’t had an affair but has developed feelings for somebody else.

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I'm sure you are. I'm so sorry.
I would be very careful about believing anything he tells you from now onwards. He clearly is a manipulative twat. Have you managed to tell anyone in real life who can support you with a decision?
There is a lot of great support and advice on the relationships board here.

Swiftie1878 · 30/09/2025 15:40

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:39

I’m still trying to take it all in. He said he hasn’t had an affair but has developed feelings for somebody else.

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He’s full of shit. It’s already happening.

Original poster
Shaniah · 30/09/2025 15:39

TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 13:47

Honestly, yes. I was the person who asked you on page two if he hid his phone as well.
My dad was HORRIBLE to my mum when he was cheating. Late coming home, critical, spiteful, didn't give a shit if he let her down anymore or if she was sad or disappointed. Also, quick to point the finger and more controlling. Your post gave me an instant flashback to that time and what my mum told me about how he treated her.
How are you doing today?

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I’m still trying to take it all in. He said he hasn’t had an affair but has developed feelings for somebody else.

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 30/09/2025 14:25

Well sadly that's no surprise @Shaniah . I said he was emotionally immature and didn't like coming second to the DC and this is his solution, not trying to be a better DF but just going out and finding a replacement for you, someone new who'll put him first again. He's a sad excuse for a husband and father Op, he just can't put anyone else's needs before his own. I'm truly sorry he's let you down so badly but at least now you know the truth, there's no going back now

TheatricalLife · 30/09/2025 13:47

Shaniah · 30/09/2025 13:07

Really?

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Honestly, yes. I was the person who asked you on page two if he hid his phone as well.
My dad was HORRIBLE to my mum when he was cheating. Late coming home, critical, spiteful, didn't give a shit if he let her down anymore or if she was sad or disappointed. Also, quick to point the finger and more controlling. Your post gave me an instant flashback to that time and what my mum told me about how he treated her.
How are you doing today?

Original poster
Shaniah · 30/09/2025 13:07

TheatricalLife · 29/09/2025 23:14

I knew it from your very first post. Absolutely all the signs were there -my dad was EXACTLY the same when he cheated on my mum. Text book.
I'm so sorry OP. You deserve so much better. Absolute scum bag ❤️

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Really?

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